


If You Love Me

by FanaticeIllabantur



Series: A Baker's Heart [2]
Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Bakery, Bakery, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:40:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 56,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25050040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanaticeIllabantur/pseuds/FanaticeIllabantur
Summary: A follow-up story to Who Am I and What Are We, Alec navigates his future and considers the new possibilities that now lie before him.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: A Baker's Heart [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1735648
Comments: 81
Kudos: 55





	1. The Courage to Start All Over Again

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to the Who Am I story. Originally, I was intending on writing simply an epilogue, but I adored adding more to this universe so much that I just couldn’t stop conjuring ideas for a sequel. It also works because, for those who enjoyed the open-ended nature of the first part, they can leave it simply at the Who Am I ending, but if you want more, I hope you enjoy this sequel.
> 
> There will be a lot less angst in this one. There’s still drama, I couldn’t live without writing a little drama, and I don’t wish to spoil any ending or any chapters, but I will just say this has less angst and is, hopefully, lighter in tone than the previous part. Maybe that does spoil things, but y’all got through the pining of the previous story, maybe you deserve a little domesticity, as a treat.
> 
> The following chapter is not in Alec’s POV, I just thought it would be a nice bridge from the first part into this second part. Just know that the rest of the chapters will be in Alec’s POV.
> 
> Everything has been a little overwhelming these past couple of months, and I have been trying my hardest to get it all written, and I just thank everyone for their patience, and I really hope you all enjoy this next part <3
> 
> Thank you for reading x

> “For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.”  
>  ― Eric Roth, _The Curious Case of Benjamin Button Screenplay_

_Magnus Bane could not stop going on dates. It had gotten to a point where he wondered why he still bothered, because it wasn’t exactly working. He had been going on blind dates, app meetups, picking up guys and girls at bars, and yet nothing ever lasted._

_It was bittersweet that everyone around him, his dearest friends, were married and having children, starting perfect lives with perfect people. He had been trying to find something like that, continuously searching for nearly two decades, and he still had nothing to show for it except a string of relationships of varying lengths that had always left him feeling emptier than before._

_He was currently walking home from yet another date, his third that week, all with different people, none having even been successful enough for sex afterwards. It had been at a karaoke bar and, whilst Magnus didn’t actually mind karaoke as he went with his friends now and again, it might not have been the perfect setting for a first date. Magnus had to be quite tipsy to get on stage, and his date had insisted to go up and start singing the second they arrived. Magnus had let him, and whilst people often weren’t the best singers, his tone-deaf nature had been a touch off-putting. Magnus hadn’t gone on stage in the end, though he did manage to remain for a few drinks before he decided he wanted to go and bid a quick goodbye without even so much as a kiss._

_Perhaps he should have been in love with his confidence, admired his gall, adored his carefree and adventurous nature, but he supposed he did have some problems with always seeming to see the worst in people. Perhaps it was that he could always find what was great about people, and then make it negative. Maybe that was why he was a serial dater. There was the possibility that there was something deeper to it, but Magnus didn’t like to be introspective, not unless he was drinking and could wallow in his self-pity. He had had a few drinks, but he was not a lightweight and so he could barely feel the alcohol. Tomorrow was his birthday anyway, and he imagined getting quite drunk with his friends then instead._

_Once he got home to his apartment, he didn’t even have it in him to make a nightcap. Whilst his date had said they should do it again, somewhat oblivious to how little Magnus had enjoyed the evening, Magnus had made a noncommittal response and exited as quickly as he could._

_He got ready for bed, made sure Chairman Meow had enough food, and collapsed, ready for his birthday to begin, though he cared not to think about how another year had passed and he was still very alone._

_The next morning, his friends burst through the door to give him gifts and food. His apartment was quite large, and he had loved it when he had first moved in, thinking always about hosting for his friends, and then eventually about marrying and filling it with children. It was big enough to fill and never feel full, and he had enjoyed the idea of having a large family._

_And yet, it remained quite empty. Chairman was pleasant company, but whenever he did host his friends, after they left, it would feel so dreadfully empty. And he could not help but constantly look at the bellies of his pregnant friends and grow envious. He so wanted children. He so wanted to be married and stable, he wanted family and future, he wanted so much that he felt he was never going to get. He thought he was trying hard enough, but it never resulted in anything concrete. He adored his friends, could not be happier for them and their wonderful lives, but there was always a green envy there, ebbing away at his potential happiness._

_After a morning of exchanging gifts and light drinking, they dressed up and went to an expensive restaurant, eating fine food and drinking fine wine. They exchanged stories, spoke about plans, and Magnus adored being surrounded by all those he loved. He wished he had a partner to share it all with, but he would not begrudge the enjoyment he felt when with his dearest friends._

_Only Ragnor and Catarina were able to come back to his apartment for a nightcap, but that was all right. By the time they got back, it was early Sunday morning, so no longer his birthday, but they were content, even if growing a little tired._

_Of course, Magnus only had fleeting moments of happiness nowadays, had done for a while, but these were the moments to hold onto. He ignored the fact that he was no longer engaged and hadn’t been for a few years, even if drinking brought those memories to the surface. They had been in the middle of choosing venues, she had been looking at dresses, it had become an actual thing, Magnus very nearly became a married man, and he could not be more thankful that he had not gone through with it. Maybe that had been his chance for a future, but he wondered if he ever could have been happy in that future, or if that would have meant his life would only ever be half-lived. Maybe his life was half-lived now. The drinking he had done was making him introspective, and he tried to shake those memories away._

_Camille had been furious and thrown the ring in such a way that it took Magnus a few days to find it again, though some of those days had been spent doing nothing on the couch, staring at the ceiling with a hollowed chest. Chairman had kept him company, and his friends had done everything to show him that it had been the right decision, but still… it had hurt._

_So, now he was single, very much alone, and his heart was emptier every day. However, he did have a lovely apartment, was finally designing clothes, and he had wonderful friends. Things could have been worse, he supposed._

_Magnus procured his pals their nightcap and they settled in front of the sofa without the television on. They were just going to chat until they retired for bed, the way old friends could._

_Neither Catarina nor Ragnor were married, but neither had been that inclined to date either. They were content to be single, and Magnus wished he could be that way. He just wanted to date and be in love, and he knew that, sometimes, you had to wait and just let it happen, let it find you, but he was getting older, and he feared that love would never find him. He was searching harder and harder, but found his relationships growing shorter and shorter. He refused to give up, even if it was killing him._

_“You haven’t said much about your date last night,” Catarina said as she sipped gently at her lightly alcoholic drink._

_“There’s nothing to say,” Magnus replied with a shrug. “Just another bad date to add to the list.”_

_“It’s a very long list,” Ragnor commented, and Magnus nodded his agreement._

_“Perhaps I should just go through the list of everyone I’ve dated and pick the best of a bad bunch,” Magnus said, noncommittally. “One of them has got to be all right.”_

_Magnus was adamant that people shouldn’t settle. Part of that was because he was surrounded by people who had perfect relationships, and none of them had settled. Another part of it was because too many people settled, and Magnus never wanted to be one of those people. The amount of times he overhead people talking about how hard their relationships were, how they wished they were with someone else, how much they hated their partner, or how lacklustre they felt, it was disheartening. Magnus was a firm believer that you should be in love with your partner forever, that they should invoke joy and bliss in you always._

_Of course, it was getting to a stage where settling might be something he had to do, but he didn’t want to. He wanted something perfect and wonderful, something that made him excited to come home, excited to wake up. As the days grew on, he thought about settling more and more, but he knew it would cause him no excitement._

_There was quiet for a moment, and then Catarina said, “What about that bakery one?”_

_Magnus furrowed his brow. “What bakery one?”_

_As far as he could remember, he had dated no one from a bakery, but the list, as Ragnor had said, was long. Perhaps he simply could not place the faces of them all any longer._

_“You know, that one with that cute boy who owns it. I should say man, I suppose. Very manly, in fact,” Catarina explained. “I went in the other day, and he is, indeed, very much a man.”_

_Magnus nodded. “Alec,” he said, quietly, looking into the dark contents of his drink. He started to run his forefinger around the rim, thinking about Alec, someone he had realised he had loved too late._

_After their dreadful last conversation, Magnus had gone back to the apartment he had shared with Camille and slept in the spare room because she had been upset with him for some reason or another, as she always had been. He had not been able to sleep, he had just run Alec’s words over and over in his mind, and he thought about Alec and realised that this fondness in his heart he had harboured, this idea of warmth and company and comfort he had associated with Alec, that that was love. He had not nurtured it, not let it grow into what it could and should have, not let it become a recognisable love, but it_ was _love. And he had broken his heart._

_A series of drastic changes had followed; Alec had demanded him out of his store, and Magnus had had to oblige; he had broken up with Camille, and subsequently had the ring and box thrown so hard at his face that it had bruised; he had moved to a better apartment; he had started working harder and gotten surges in confidence to design what he wanted; he remained in love with Alec but gave him space because he had broken his heart._

_He thought about him often. He passed his bakery on some walks, but he could never go in, he couldn’t cause Alec that heartache. It caused him pain as well. He hadn’t realised that, when he’d been gone after Woolsey and when he’d been gone after Camille, the ache he had felt wasn’t because of those ended relationships or because Camille gripped him like a vice, but because he had been away from Alec. Magnus had thought love was grand gestures and yelling from rooftops, but he had realised that, maybe, it could be comfort, routine, a boy who baked cakes and sold them with his warm smile every Saturday._

_He had been looking for that in his time away from Alec, looking for quiet love, for comfort and routine and simplicity, but it was never simple. He supposed he had missed his chance at simple and sweet love, and so maybe he should give up on that idea as well. Maybe he should just give up on love. He hated being introspective._

_“Yes, that’s the one. He doesn’t wear a name tag, but he has eyes that could kill,” Catarina continued as Magnus stared. “He also doesn’t wear a wedding ring.”_

_Magnus’ head snapped up as Catarina took a swig of her drink, eyebrows raised to her hairline. She blinked pointedly at him._

_“Why are you telling me that?”_

_“Because I remember the way you used to talk about him.”_

_Magnus swallowed. He had come to realise he might have quietly loved Alec for a long while, but he had not thought it had been voiced._

_“How did I used to talk about him?” he asked slowly._

_“Like you thought Raziel had crafted him Himself,” Ragnor said, rolling his eyes when Magnus looked at him. “I saw him once and immediately thought you must be in love with him.”_

_“It’s possible he might be dating, but you’re not getting any younger, my dear.”_

_“You say that like we aren’t the same age,” Magnus pointed out._

_“Yes, but I don’t look it,” Catarina dismissed with a short wave of her hand._

_“I can’t just go and flirt with him,” Magnus said. “You know I haven’t seen him in years.”_

_“You’re telling me you didn’t flirt with him before?” Catarina asked._

_Magnus ran a hand through his hair, knowing it would lose its carefully crafted structure. “I think maybe I did, I just didn’t realise it.”_

_“Go and see him then. What is there to lose?”_

_Magnus shook his head._

_“Why not?”_

_“Because of the last time we spoke.”_

_They were all quiet for a moment._

_Then Ragnor said, “What did you say to him?”_

_Magnus sighed. “Nothing. I think that was the problem… He liked me quite a lot, and… I said nothing.”_

_“If he liked you, you’ve got no reason not to see him again.”_

_Magnus put his glass down, the bitter alcohol working its way down his throat. He sucked in a deep breath. “I have so many reasons.”_

_“Magnus,” Catarina said, stern but loving._

_Magnus shook his head. “As you can see, I have not had the most luck in love. I never saw how distant Woolsey could be, I never realised Etta had fallen out of love with me until she left. I almost married that awful,_ awful _woman. And there comes a point where it is no longer a coincidence, and maybe I’m actually the problem.”_

_Magnus paused. Then, “I don’t think I deserve him anyway. I certainly don’t deserve him if, instead of finding the wrong people, I am the reason love fails me instead.”_

_He heard Catarina sigh. “You’ve just had a string of bad luck. Maybe he’d be good for you.”_

_“Maybe he’d be an asshole too,” Ragnor said._

_Magnus shot him a glare. Ragnor merely shrugged._

_“The boy’s cute,” Catarina said so Magnus no longer focused on Ragnor. “You love cute. He’s had time, so have you. Maybe this new year of your life should be about rectification and love. Just find some courage from somewhere, and start over. There’s always time to be better, you don’t have to wallow.”_

_Magnus picked up his drink again and said he would think about it, and they left it at that._

_Magnus’ brain, however, could not let it be. He kept thinking about how they had left it, how much time had passed, what Alec might think of him now. Maybe Alec hated him, maybe he deserved that, but maybe there was a chance. Once the idea was implanted, Magnus had to know. Maybe it was what he had been looking for all his life and he had just been looking the wrong way. There had to be something to the fact he thought about him every day. If he never knew what was possible, maybe he would die with a heart full of regret. Regret was one thing Magnus Bane did not care for._

_He thought about how he should do it. Alec wasn’t on social media, the only pages on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter were to do with his bakery, so he couldn’t message him. Part of him would feel cruel to just turn up during the day when Alec would be working, and so he decided to go down after his bakery would be closed. It still might be putting Alec on the spot, which wasn’t what Magnus wanted, but there was no other way to do it, and at least there wouldn’t be any customers around._

_He spent the entirety of the next day using his sewing machine and letting his mind wander to the possibilities. The largest was that Alec was going to shove him out of the door again. The other possibility was that there had been time, maybe Alec had healed and might allow this of Magnus. The only way to tell was to do it, and Magnus was kind of excited to see his face again, though he feared Alec’s fury, that would be well deserved._

_After a couple of drinks when it turned to evening, he took the twenty-minute walk from his apartment to_ Lightwood Delights _and steeled his heart to see him again._

_He was silhouetted against the dimmed lights of the interior, his phone illuminating his profile. It was quiet for a Sunday evening just a few weeks before Christmas, but Magnus preferred the quiet to the hustle there might be otherwise._

_His heart jolted in a way he was not quite used to. When he had been younger, that excitement when he found someone attractive had kept him alive, made him thrive. He had felt that way with Woolsey, not really felt it for Camille, but Camille had hypnotised him, so that was not the same thing._

_With Alec now, it was a different sort of feeling. It was like a knowledgeable jolt, not like the excitement of youth, but like a comforting start. It was like an electric shock when you touched fingers for the first time or like being brought to the floor by an over-excitable dog; it was a shock, but then it was lovely, an old comfort. There was still an excitement to it, but it was familiar rather than new and unknown and, therefore, dangerous._

_Alec got back to cleaning after he finished texting, and Magnus took a steadying breath before he stepped forward, further and further until he reached the door. He tried the handle and found it open. When Alec turned, informing him the shop was closed, the look in his eye was like that familiar shock, but it still felt dangerous, even if it wasn’t new._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I have a Twitter account that I'm trying to be more active on, and I was updating my progress with this fic on there and I'm thinking of doing the same for future works. So if you wanna keep updated on what I'm working on, when stuff is gonna be posted, and just see me write the occasional nonsensical thought, give me a follow. The account is called FanaticeBantur 😊 x


	2. As You Say You Do

> “If you love me as you say you do,' she whispered, 'make it so that I am at peace.”  
> ― Leo Tolstoy, _Anna Karenina_

Morning-afters were usually something Alec dreaded. He had had a few over the years, and because he hadn’t been looking for a relationship, he had spent the morning, awake before his night-time pal, wondering either how to kick them out or how to get out quickly and sometimes silently. It was always just about sex, not the connection, and he dreaded the morning that followed the night before.

He had never thought he would be looking at Magnus during a morning-after. There was a sense of euphoria within him. They had kissed, made love, slept next to each other. Magnus was in his bed after a night of wondrous things. It was unfathomable and beautiful.

But there was also a sense of dread. There was so much in the air, so much they had to discuss. What was held between them, it was fragile now, probably more fragile than it had ever been in a strange way. Alec supposed that was because there was proper possibility within it where there had never been before. As there was true possibility, there was also a true chance of failure, and Alec dreaded that immensely.

Alec watched him now, his natural alarm waking him before he had to descend and collect the deliveries. Around Magnus’ eyes sat a couple of lines and there were a few flecks of dark, albeit minimal, hair around his jaw and chin. There was also a peace to him in sleep, this feeling that he was set into his skin after years of being within it. It was as though he truly owned his body, accepted it in a way that could only happen after having been in it for at least a few decades.

Alec had loved him in his more youthful days, but his more aged days harboured that love in its own way. He was no longer wistful and hopeful, living on chance, he was now smarter of the world and knew the dangers of love. He lived on realities and knew love came with work. He was willing to undertake the responsibility, even if much of his future was still based on chance. Alec contemplated the different possibilities as the darkness of the room made Magnus sit in heavy shadow, but he saw that that darkness might also be foreboding.

He got up as quietly as he could, Magnus stirring but not waking, and he accepted the delivery that arrived at six. His mind was fogged, but he still had much to do as an owner of a bakery. It was a euphoric fog, but a fog nonetheless. He walked through the motions of setting up the bakery, accepting Diego in when they began to open, and starting his first bakes. He had planned to spend more of the day in the bakery, but he wondered if he might have to remain upstairs for a while.

Diego thought nothing of Alec parting to retreat to his apartment. Oftentimes, Alec would be in his apartment as his staff worked below, and they were usually free to come up the stairs and ask him questions. That would not be the case today, and Alec would keep his door closed to let everyone know he shouldn’t be disturbed. 

Alec thought they should start as soon as possible, just to see if they truly had a chance. Alec needed to know if there was at least even a possibility of having a future with Magnus. He was willing to work for it, but only if Magnus was willing to work as well.

When Alec got upstairs, Magnus still wasn’t up. He supposed it was, technically, still early, Alec had just always been a morning person. As he waited, he made them both some coffee and some breakfast. He was an accommodating host, even more so when the person he was hosting was the man he was in love with.

As he cooked and made coffee, there was a lot that ran through his mind, but those thoughts could no longer remain just in his head. They would have to be voiced, and in voicing them, he could not predict what would follow.

About twenty minutes later, there was a stirring in the bedroom as heavy footsteps sounded from behind the half-open door. Alec continued to rest his back against the counter in the kitchen, holding his coffee and sipping from it just to occupy his hands. Magnus’ didn’t have any milk in it, so it was still hot. This was because, when he had been making his coffee, he had realised that he didn’t know how Magnus took it. When he bought it from the bakery, Alec could make it with ease, but regular, homemade coffee, that he had no knowledge of. It made Alec wonder how much they did really know each other, if maybe what Alec knew was just surface level and if it wouldn’t work when they got to know each other better. That thought cracked at Alec’s freshly repaired heart.

Eventually, Magnus came through the door wearing last night’s clothing, though currently barefoot. His hair was messy from sleep and sex the night before, and he looked so entirely human. There was a peace to him in sleep that hadn’t necessarily followed him into this waking life, but part of Alec wondered if that was because something may have changed in the way he now viewed Magnus. Before, Magnus had been this god, this angelic, statuesque, unutterable idol, and Alec still couldn’t fathom how a man could be that handsome, his heart still starting at the sight of him, but there was a human quality to him now. Alec had not been able to touch him before, but now he had touched him, and he was real, and human, and he existed in a fresh and beautiful light, no longer an idol, but an attainable creature instead.

When their eyes met, Magnus smiled, tightly, and rubbed at his face. Alec pointed to his coffee.

“Might need to go in the microwave, but there’s no milk in it. I didn’t know how you take it.”

Magnus nodded. Alec wanted to make a joke about adding shots of caramel, but the words did not find his tongue. There was an energy between them, not electric like it had become last night, but quiet, simmering. It could so easily blow, and Alec wanted to let it cool.

Magnus asked where the milk was and Alec got it out of the fridge, and they remained in silence. The clinking of the teaspoon as Magnus stirred was the only sound in the room. Alec found himself holding his breath. What became of them would be entirely decided by how it fared this morning.

“Do you have to work today?” Alec asked when Magnus had taken a few sips, content with its temperature.

Magnus shook his head. “I only work two days in the office and work from home the other days. I can take some time off to… talk?” Magnus offered a small smile.

Alec nodded. “I don’t even know what it is that you do now.” His tone was quite neutral and he wasn’t sure how to change it, or if he should change it. Alec thought they had to navigate this slowly, and jumping in and being all warm was perhaps not the right direction.

“I design for a small clothing company. It’s… what I’ve wanted for a long time.” Magnus took another sip. “Do you have to work?”

“Not on the shopfloor. I’ll have to check on bakes now and again, but other than that…”

There was quiet again. They both drank some more coffee, and then Alec offered him breakfast; there were muffins that were a day old, but still all right to eat, and then bacon, eggs, beans, and pancakes he had made whilst Magnus had been asleep. They took it to the table in the kitchen and started to eat.

“You’re a good chef as well,” Magnus said as he ate some bacon.

It wasn’t that it was awkward, it was more like they were just realising what they had done last night and what it now meant. The volume of what they had to discuss, of what they had to navigate weighed on the atmosphere, and Alec had never realised how quiet a room could be when the weight of the future hung in current conversation.

“I’m really not,” Alec said, laughing through his nose. “I can bake all day, but I’m infamous for my cooking. Never ask me to cook a stew or steak or anything.”

“I can cook you a stew sometime,” Magnus said after a pause.

Alec laughed through his nose again, and then took a contemplative moment because he wanted to start talking about their realities. Alec might have said a lot last night, so Magnus did know where he sat on everything, but it now needed to be more of a conversation. Clarity was good, necessary in these times, and being tentative was only putting him on edge.

He cleared his throat and fiddled with his cutlery before he decided to put them down completely, no longer hungry. There was a lot he wanted to say, but he wasn’t sure where to begin. He didn’t want Magnus to think he was attacking him, and he didn’t want to sit back and accept everything if Magnus really was just using him. He sifted through some thoughts as he watched the split yolk of his egg begin to fill his plate, and landed on one of his biggest issues.

“Everyone’s going to think I’m a bit of a fool, and I think you know that,” Alec began with a levity to it that signalled the direction in which the conversation should go.

Magnus nodded and ate slowly, keeping eye contact where necessary so Alec knew he was listening.

“And maybe I am a bit,” Alec continued. “And I really want you to prove it wrong, because, if it turns out that I am a fool, it’s going to be so awful, and I think I’d be ruined.”

“I’m not going to leave,” Magnus assured. “I don’t want to.”

“I don’t want you to either. But what I really don’t want is for there to be some sort of imbalance between us that there could so easily be. You know, I don’t want you to feel like you’ve got to prove to me that you do love me every single day, but I also don’t want you to have any sort of power over me because you know how much I love you. Like, we’ve got to be equal. There has to be a balance, and I don’t know if that’ll be easy to achieve.”

“Right,” Magnus agreed.

“I suppose what’s really sitting on my mind is how there is so much to learn about each other.”

“Sure.”

“And how I’m doing most of the talking right now,” Alec said, with a bit of a smile.

“Sorry,” Magnus said. “I don’t want to talk over you or not let you say everything you need.”

“It’s just a little… imbalanced.”

“Okay. I’ll talk as much as needs be. I can talk all day. My friends all say that. Can’t shut me up when I get going.” Magnus’ smile was still tight.

“All right. Then tell me what your concerns are.”

Magnus took a few more bites as he thought.

“I don’t want you to think I’m going to run out at any moment. I don’t want my past to be a complete reflection of our future, and I don’t want there to be doubts that consume you because of me. I don’t want us to overthink, but I also don’t want to let it fail, because I think it can and will work between us… I… I’m sure there’s more but… I really don’t want to overanalyse things because I fear that may be dangerous as well.”

Alec nodded. “I just… Maybe… I want us to be open with each other, I think. Like, just don’t let anything fester.”

Magnus nodded.

“Because, if you love me as you say you do, then this has to work,” Alec said. “I mean, if we realise we’re shitty together, that’s fine. But if it doesn’t work because…”

“Of me?”

Alec shook his head. “Please don’t think like that. I don’t want that power over you. I meant, if it doesn’t work because… because there is an imbalance… it’ll kill me.”

“And you’ll probably kill me too,” Magnus said, with a smile.

Alec laughed through his nose, and they continued to eat breakfast in a relative peace. They started talking about easier things, not the grand scale of their relationship or their deepest insecurities but movies they liked, their favourite novels, and what it might be like when Alec brought Magnus to some family gathering and those who knew Magnus saw him at Alec’s side. It was easier. They could sift through the darker clouds that lingered over their future until they saw the sun at intervals, not constantly.

Magnus remained for the rest of the day, and Alec was happy to accommodate him. For lunch, Alec went down to the bakery and grabbed some bread rolls, and for dinner, they ordered in a Chinese. Alec was so keenly aware of Magnus’ presence throughout the day. It was odd that Magnus was using his shower, drinking from his coffee cup, sitting with his legs tucked up on the sofa as they watched boring television. He was surprised by how _simple_ it was.

He had imagined he would be wrought with thoughts, overthinking, an unnatural consideration of Magnus existing in his space. There was still a lot of time, still a lot of conversations to be had, but it all felt so… easy. Maybe that boded well. Alec wouldn’t hold his breath, but if things could continue to be simple, then that would be lovely.

As it grew dark in these early winter hours, the warmth in the room came from lamps after they shut the curtains. Magnus’ skin was glowing from the yellow of the bulbs, and Alec just wanted to snuggle with him. Maybe, if he asked, he probably could have, but they had only kissed twenty-four hours ago, it would take some time before they were easily affectionate. Alec wasn’t an affectionate person by nature, but maybe he would get there, with Magnus, a strange but delightful idea.

After they finished their Chinese, Alec put the boxes ready to be disposed of in the morning when he had the energy to leave the apartment, and looked over at Magnus, who was looking at his phone. There was something so strange about being able to look at Magnus like this, so freely. It had been such furtive and desperate glances before, it was a risk each time he would look upon Magnus, but it was different now. He could look freely and not be worried about Magnus’ interpretation of those looks.

Alec breathed in deep, just to solidify this moment of looking easily at Magnus, in his apartment, staring at his phone, barefoot and with yesterday’s clothes on. It was a dream, better than a dream, a reality that was solid and concrete. It was not what Alec thought he would receive in his lifetime, and it was here, and he would treasure it, even as they walked their next steps carefully and with deep consideration.

Magnus put his phone down and stretched his neck. He looked over at Alec and smiled.

“If it’s all right with you, I might have to go home and change,” Magnus said as he stood. “Maybe I can come by tomorrow?”

Alec nodded.

“You’re not working?”

“Well, I don’t work on the shopfloor anymore, so I’ll be baking, but not serving,” Alec explained.

“Ah, okay. I’ll bring a sketchbook then, and I can sit up here or downstairs, wherever you want me.”

Alec bit back a smirk at the innuendo that sentence incurred in his mind and nodded. Alec wanted them to spend time together because that was his idea of perfection, and it would be crucial for navigating their future. He could never fathom being sick of seeing Magnus’ face, but he supposed they shouldn’t test that theory. It was possible to have too much of a good thing, and Alec didn’t ever want to feel sick of Magnus.

“Probably sometime in the morning or early afternoon, I’m not sure when I’ll be over yet,” Magnus said, approaching Alec. Alec nodded, and found himself kissing Magnus gently on the lips. He couldn’t believe it was just so easy to kiss Magnus when he all he had ever wanted was to be able to kiss him, just once. Now he could kiss him whenever, and that was a strange but beautiful reality. “Could I have your number?”

“Oh, shit, of course,” Alec said, and he got out his phone. Magnus passed over his and retreated to the bedroom to grab his socks and other clothing as Alec typed in his number. When he returned, they kissed again for a little while before they managed to pry themselves apart. Alec escorted Magnus downstairs and let him out through the now empty bakery. They kissed once more, and then Magnus walked down the street.

After he got back up to his apartment, Alec spent about thirty minutes just sort of staring into space. He was piecing together the evening before and the entire day that he had just spent with the love of his life, the only man he had ever loved and the only man he thought he would ever love. A couple of days ago, he was sorely prepared to spend the rest of his days alone, without a partner and without that kind of love in his life. He had been prepared for it and did not believe anything could come along to alter that.

A mere twenty-four hours had changed that. There was still a lot up ahead that could make things difficult, but the sheer simplicity and peace that had sat with them the entire day felt so inexplicably sweet, and Alec wanted to work at keeping it that peaceful in the future they were going to work towards.

Throughout the day, he had been texting back and forth with Jace about baby names, and it was hard because he had never been distracted from Jace before. But, having Magnus there, chatting idly with him, making him coffee and watching trashy television, it meant he was not so focused on all the names Jace was throwing at him, mentioning that Clary had vetoed Pancake and the spelling of Alexa as Elexa. Alec kept Magnus updated on the names Jace was informing him of, and explained that Clary was pregnant. Apparently, Magnus already knew that because he followed her on Instagram. He supposed that meant that Magnus was still, in some ways, quietly involved in his friends’ lives, and maybe that would make the surprise of dating Magnus a little less jarring. Clary had never mentioned Magnus, never shown him a photo of his Instagram, and maybe that was on purpose. Alec had never gotten into Instagram or Twitter or any of that, and maybe that had been for the best because, if he had been able to see Magnus update his life through social media, it would probably make the pain of being parted from him even worse.

The next day, just after eleven, Magnus came into the store bearing a small bag that contained his sketches and fashion things so he could work. Alec didn’t want them to be too public yet, but he was aware a couple of his colleagues watched as Alec invited Magnus upstairs. He would let them wonder for a little while because he wanted this to be his thing, not shared information just yet. It was private, and Alec wanted and needed to keep it that way.

Up in the apartment, they shared a few kisses and Alec told him to help himself to coffee and whatever was in the fridge whenever he wanted. He said he’d be up to chat when he could, and they got on with their days, comfortable with the knowledge that the other was easily available whenever they needed them.

And that sort of became their routine. Magnus would stay during the day, either sitting in the bakery or upstairs in the apartment, and Alec would bring him cake and tell him when he should take five minutes for himself so he didn’t strain his eyes. Magnus would come down or out to the back of the bakery when he was getting frustrated, and they would chat.

Some of his employees did ask who he was, wiggling their eyebrows at him if they were comfortable and had known Alec a while. Alec’s timeline was a little messy, but he didn’t think any of them had been there long enough to remember who Magnus was, and that was probably for the best. Alec knew they had a past they needed to deal with, but they wanted to deal with it alone for the time being. It was their own thing; outside input was only going to make things messy and more complicated.

Magnus did have the two days at ‘the office’, as he called it, to dress models and sew with his colleagues, but he would then come by on the Saturday, and it quickly became their normal routine. Magnus would sleep over on the Saturday night, and then go home Sunday evening, and then he would be back in on the Monday. It was a solid thing the second it began, making their lives much more easily mergeable than Alec had thought when he had awoken for the first time with Magnus in his bed. He had thought it would be too difficult given he was always baking and that Magnus probably had a job he needed to get on with. Alec didn’t get weekends like a lot of people did, he took his days off where he wanted them, and that’s why he had never thought a relationship with Magnus could work when his job was such an integral part of his life.

And now they had a routine, and Alec loved routine. He had had his own for years, and Magnus had now become a part of it. Maybe it wouldn’t last forever, Alec still had to remain realistic, but it was working now, and Alec also thought staying in the moment was just as important as staying realistic. So, if it was working now, maybe it would continue working, and Alec so desperately wanted it to work.


	3. The Beginning Again

> “It makes me so happy. To be at the beginning again, knowing almost nothing.... A door like this has cracked open five or six times since we got up on our hind legs. It's the best possible time of being alive, when almost everything you thought you knew is wrong.”  
> ― Tom Stoppard, _Arcadia_

About three weeks into their routine, Magnus came in with a minor problem. After his two days at the office, designing and sewing away, he entered the bakery and gazed at Alec over the counter. They weren’t kissing publicly yet, but sometimes the way Magnus looked at him, it felt like a kiss. With that deep stare, those green eyes searching in a way they never really had before, it was like that feeling of a kiss, that wave of intimacy, a rush of pleasure in pure eye contact. Alec had to swallow.

“I have realised something,” Magnus said as Alec passed him his coffee, two generous helpings of caramel and now always for free. “We haven’t actually been on a date.”

Alec shrugged with one shoulder, smiling. “I suppose not.”

“May I take you on a date?” Magnus asked, quiet, as if Alec might not say yes.

“Of course.” Alec laughed through his nose. “What did you have planned?”

Considering Alec no longer served customers, the staff rightly picked up how curious it was that, whenever Magnus was in the store, Alec served him right away without payment, and Magnus always walked freely through to the back of the bakery with or without Alec to follow. They made only a few, light comments, and Alec accepted them, allowing their curiosity to grow but confirming nothing because he needed them to be secure in their relationship before he made any confirmations of what they were.

They walked out to the back together so Alec could check on some loaves of bread that were in the oven. Magnus always commented that he loved the smell of the bakery and that he had missed it so much when he had been away.

“I was thinking I might cook for you, actually. I’d like to show you my apartment, and show off my skills.” Magnus winked.

“Are you talking about cooking or…?” Alec raised his brow.

Magnus laughed. “What do you think though? Do you want me to cook?”

“I’d love that.”

As their schedules worked well together, they agreed that Alec would come by on Monday evening because both he and Magnus could take the Tuesday morning off. Alec kept thinking that maybe, just maybe, everything was working out in their favour for once. If they had gotten together sooner, Magnus’ crazy schedule interning and being lower on the fashion ladder, and Alec serving as well as baking would have created so little time for each other. Now, as they were older, secure in their careers and routines and in themselves, it meant they were able to be more in sync. Of course, there was the possibility he was just looking for the bright side, but he wanted to be on the more optimistic side of realistic. For so long, he had been given a lot of tragedy, and maybe that was finally changing.

Magnus stayed for the rest of the day until the evening set in and he had to go home. Alec supposed these days together didn’t technically count as dates, not in any official sense because they just happened. Magnus always came in on a Saturday, and Alec knew he’d be staying. There was no pretence, it was just them in their routine, no definition of a date in there, he supposed.

Alec looked forward to going on an actual date, though he dreaded not being able to call Jace or invite him over in order to ask him what he should wear. Alec didn’t want to call and say he was going on a date and just leave out Magnus’ name because he knew Jace would ask who it was, how it went, want to see pictures. Alec couldn’t allow for that just yet because, whilst things were going smoothly, it was still fragile and fresh, and neither of them wanted it to be public. It meant dressing himself, but maybe Magnus wouldn’t judge him for his lack of confidence in fashion.

He was also looking forward to seeing Magnus’ apartment. Alec knew his own apartment wasn’t anything to shout about, but it was so highly convenient. He wondered if Magnus’ was more extravagant. He was also interested in Magnus’ kitchen. Alec’s kitchen was all right, but it could have been better, which was why he did a lot of baking in the bakery, but if Magnus had a nice apartment, which Alec believed he probably did, he was desperate to see it. Maybe even use it.

Before Magnus came over to walk Alec to his apartment on Monday, Alec baked two single slices of a rich, chocolatey cake that they could enjoy after whatever it was Magnus was going to cook. Alec liked more exotic flavours in his cakes, but he knew Magnus had the sweetest tooth going, and Alec wanted them to eat the same dessert, so he made it chocolatey and rich and full of striking flavours.

Magnus came to collect Alec on the evening of their first, official date because Alec didn’t know the way, and Magnus thought it would be a pleasant evening for a walk. Alec thought that was a little mad because there was still snow on the ground and the streets were frantic with Christmas shoppers who were cutting it dangerously close, but Alec accepted as he would accept anything from Magnus.

They walked arm in arm and spoke gently about their day until they arrived at Magnus’ apartment. It was only twenty minutes from the bakery, and whilst they did have to wrap up warm to cover their bare skin from the bite of the wind and the occasional dust of falling snow, it wasn’t all that awful. The company certainly helped, and Alec looked at him with his hat on, one he claimed he hated but needed to keep his ears from freezing, and he felt his heart warmed as if he were not stood in the freezing snow.

They entered the apartment block, tall with countless windows, lit because of the blackened sky, and Alec immediately felt this was a luxurious building. The carpets were not fraying on any edges and the buttons on the elevator looked new, or perhaps just cleaned regularly. Alec could afford a better apartment himself, but it was convenient, and it was home to him, a comfort above the place where he baked and which held most of the things he held dear. Maybe it wasn’t always cleaned and maybe the paint on his door was beginning to chip, and sometimes the lighting flickered more than it was actually on, but it was home. Sometimes, home was imperfect.

When inside the elevator, Magnus pressed the button for the highest floor, the penthouse apartment. Alec’s heart started in his chest just a little as they rode the floors up. He had thought Magnus would be able to afford some sort of luxurious apartment, but he hadn’t imagined it would be this luxurious. He wondered if Magnus had acquired some substantial funds. He dressed well, but he had always dressed well, so Alec really had no idea how to quantify this apartment in Magnus’ life.

“Mine is not the only apartment at the top,” Magnus said, perhaps sensing Alec’s sudden reservation.

“But it is at the top of this… very nice apartment block?” Alec asked, quirking a brow.

“Fashion… pays some nice bills.”

“I see,” Alec said, and he smiled.

Once out of the elevator, they walked the red carpeted hall until they reached Magnus’ apartment door, seemingly freshly painted, and the gold numbers that read his apartment shined like they had been recently polished. Alec wondered how nicely those bills were paid by Magnus’ line of work.

Magnus unlocked the door with a shiny set of keys and they entered, Magnus switching on the lights with an easy flick of his hand.

It was a lovely apartment. Sizeable, perhaps not huge, but not exactly small. There was a set of floor-to-ceiling windows to the left, showing out onto the city that was dark and dusted with white alongside boxes of light illuminating small sections of the blue-black sky. Alec was sure a view like that was too distracting to ignore. Magnus’ sewing area, the only name Alec could think of for it, sat just to the right of the windows with a grand machine and a few bolts of fabric, a word he had learned from Magnus a few days ago. Alec got the impression it had been cleaned recently and imagined fabric lay most everywhere most days.

To the right of the room was the living area for it was mostly open plan. That was the fashion, apparently, Magnus told him as they entered the room. There were a couple of matching, mauve sofas, a lavish rug that warmed the room, a television hung on the wall that was, perhaps, twice the size of Alec’s. It was opulent.

To the left of the glorious windows sat a gloriously beautiful kitchen. Magnus had two ovens, one at eye level and one below it. There were perfect, marble counters, a fancy wine rack, full, of course, a magnificent, silver fridge and freezer, and dark cupboards that matched the lighter tones of the kitchen. It was separated from the rest of the open plan apartment with its tiling instead of wood, and with an island, topped with the same marble counters that lay on the surfaces next to the oven.

He heard Magnus laugh through his nose, and Alec looked at him, curious.

“What?” Alec asked.

“I think most come over and are interested in the television, the stack of Blu-rays, even the art, but trust you to instantly want to run your hands over the countertops,” Magnus said with a smile. He started to remove his coat and hang it on the rack beside the door. Alec followed suit.

There was plenty of artwork on the walls and on shelves, even down the small hallway that Alec was sure led to the bedrooms and bathroom, but yes, Alec loved kitchens and ovens and utensils. He could not help his loves, and he would never pretend to.

“Who are these ‘most’ that you are bringing over to your apartment so regularly?” Alec asked, unwinding his scarf and hanging it on the rack as well.

“Secret lovers,” Magnus commented idly, walking into the kitchen after removing his shoes. Alec, eager to follow, also removed his shoes and did begin tracing the counters that were cool under his fingers. The rest of the apartment was warm, a pink settling on his cheeks, changing from a reaction to the snow to a reaction to the cosy temperature, but the marble was sleek and cool beneath his fingertips. “Young men and women who wish to climb up the fashion ladder that I have recently found myself on. Illicit relationships with rich royals from afar. You know, the usual.”

Alec laughed through his nose. It may still have been early in their relationship, but being able to joke like this, easily, it was oddly freeing.

Alec was in the mood to walk further through the apartment and take in the other rooms on offer, but before he could take a step forward, there was a cat wrapping its way around his ankles. Alec wasn’t really a pet person. Not only were they awful for baking because of hairs, but he also didn’t really have the time to care or feed a pet, and he wasn’t someone who wanted a puppy or a kitten, much to a lot of people’s dismay.

This little cat was not a breed Alec knew, but he also didn’t know many breeds to begin with. It was grey and white, and tiny, but big enough that it was surely going to trip Alec should he take a step forward.

Alec knelt and gently ran his fingers through its soft fur the way he thought you were supposed to pet cats. He thought it worked because the little creature smacked its head into Alec’s palm, and that had to be a good sign.

“He’s usually very shy,” Magnus commented, leaning over the island to watch them.

“What’s he called?”

“Chairman Meow.”

Alec gave Magnus a look, and Magnus beamed his pearly whites at him. Alec rolled his eyes and was about to pat Chairman some more but found that he had run off. Maybe Alec had upset him.

“It’s all right,” Magnus said, straightening as Alec stood, already noting the cat hairs on his clothes. “He’ll be back. He comes out in bursts when there’s new people around. He doesn’t usually greet them right away, but look at you. You must be special.”

Alec smiled to himself, and walked back to the kitchen area.

After arranging some items on the counters, Magnus turned and rested his palms behind him on the countertop, leaning his hips against them. Alec watched him, so long and lean, wearing this tight, black jumper that curved over his biceps. It was tucked into the waistband of his slacks so that you could almost see the indents of his stomach muscles that Alec knew were there from hours of touching and caressing them.

Alec stepped forward, enamoured with the idea he could so easily touch him now, and found himself enfolded in Magnus’ arms, Magnus’ hands resting possessively but warmly on his hips, bringing him closer. Alec’s own arms wrapped freely around Magnus’ neck, and they shared a meeting of lips that was sweet and tender and contained the years of restraint between them.

They stayed like that for far too long, like young lovers who were so obsessed with the other that to abstain from touching was like allowing the soul to wither and perish, and then Magnus complained he would never get any cooking done, mumbling against Alec’s lips. They kissed for a moment after that and then Alec retreated to get his cake slices in a position that meant they wouldn’t be ruined by gravity.

Alec did his best to help Magnus’ cooking, but he liked leaning his hip on the counter with a glass of red wine and watching Magnus work. There was something very attractive about watching him cook. He had a finesse and a confidence, and Alec really just wanted to run his hands over him, but they would never get a meal if they did that, so Alec would save it for later.

Prepping the table, Magnus lay out candles, another bottle of wine, he even put music on in the background and dimmed the lights. Alec had always struggled with being romantic, but romance oozed from Magnus. Alec fell more in love with him than he had ever thought possible.

Magnus had made a beef bourguignon, which Alec had never had before, but it was stunning. The music was stunning. The food was stunning. The view was stunning. The company was stunning. Alec had had a few dates in his time, but it was probably the most romantic one he had ever had. They kept touching hands, talking quietly alongside the music that eased the silences. Alec just wanted to constantly kiss him, but he didn’t want to set himself on fire by leaning over the table and have the candleflame catch on his sleeve.

When they brought out the cake, it was as gooey as Alec felt in Magnus’ presence. Magnus made noises of pleasure as he ate, and Alec could not wait to finish eating and be with him in a much more intimate sense to elicit other sorts of moans.

Magnus did make some mention of washing things up, but Alec wasn’t about to wait for that. The second they were in the kitchen, Alec was all over him, pressing him against the freezer. He wanted to, immediately, pull Magnus towards the bedroom, but he didn’t actually know which room was Magnus’ bedroom, so he waited for him to take the initiative, which didn’t take long. Magnus took Alec’s hand and led them down the hall and into the bedroom.

Alec had about three seconds to process the dark, luxurious colours of the room before Magnus was on him again, and they were stripping each other bare. The sheets were soft, and Alec did not mind, at all, being pressed into the mattress when the man of his dreams lay atop him.

Alec had never been obsessed with sex. He had enjoyed the act of it, the release it gave him, but he had never felt it was the greatest thing given to mankind like some folks did. For a lot of years, it had just been something he did at night and then moved on because it was simply a way to spend an evening that might have been spent alone otherwise.

But it was sort of different with Magnus. He had had good sex, even had giving partners, but maybe it was a matter of finding the right person, because sex with Magnus was almost phenomenal. Their bodies rolled together like one, kissing and moaning felt natural and practiced, and there was not a single moment where Alec’s hands were anywhere but on Magnus’ beautiful, brown body.

As they lay there, skin touching skin, Alec thought about the fact that they could have been doing this for years. They were so attuned to each other, and Alec couldn’t believe they had missing out on these moments together for so long. A part of him did believe that they were together now because the timing was right, but another part of him wondered if he had been missing out on great sex all these years because he hadn't been with the right person.

There had been so many years between their last meeting and Magnus re-entering his life, and the silence and the ability to trace patterns onto his lover’s skin urged him to ask Magnus why it had taken him so long to come back. Magnus sat with the question for a quiet moment, and Alec pressed gentle kisses to his chest.

“I don’t want this to mean how it sounds,” Magnus began, quiet with the room. Chairman was asleep in there somewhere, though he had only entered after they had made love, which Alec was glad for. He didn’t think he could fuck with a cat in the room. “But I really thought love had to be this excitable, fresh, always happening, grand gestures sort of thing. I really thought it wasn’t love unless it was loud and raucous and dangerous and fast.

“I didn’t realise that it could be soft, and gentle… and ever-present.” He sighed. “I have had a very damaging experience in love, in part because of my parents, and I didn’t realise that love could be kind.”

“You don’t talk about your parents very often,” Alec said, another quiet realisation that they still had plenty to learn about each other.

“It’s not just with you… it’s with everyone.”

Alec nodded.

Magnus inhaled deeply. “You know I left Indonesia when I was six, right?”

“Yes.”

“Well, my mother had an affair with my father, and I was the result of that disastrous night. For a long while, she pretended that I was my stepfather’s, but my father is also Indonesian like my mother, and my stepfather is English. I had much darker skin than my siblings, and I believe my stepfather believed it to just be variation, but by the time I was six and starting to look more like my father than my mother or anyone else in the family, he realised, and he beat me black and blue.

“My mother called my father to fetch me before it became too horrendous. Asmond, my father, picked me up at the airport, and I mean, I didn’t know what was really happening, but I couldn’t say no. And my father had this young woman on his arm, and he always had a new one for every week, and so… It does not excuse my treatment of our love, but perhaps it allows me, at least, to feel I had a tough start.”

Alec pushed himself up so he was looking Magnus in the face, and he cupped his cheek.

“Maybe that was too much information at once?” Magnus said, softly, his voice the gentlest of whispers.

Alec shook his head.

“It’s only our first date,” Magnus continued. “I wouldn’t want to scare you off.”

“I don’t think anything will scare me off,” Alec said. “Not from you. And I don’t think we have to abide by any conventional rules.”

“So, telling you all about my family issues, and that my existence was entirely a mistake, on our first date won’t make you run for the hills?”

“Your existence isn’t a mistake.”

“I was the result of an affair, so I think it is.”

Alec shook his head, and leaned down to kiss Magnus gently, softly parting Magnus’ lips. “If your existence was a mistake, then who was I meant to love my whole life?” Alec smiled. “Not to say that you exist for my sake, but you have importance in other people’s lives, so does that not mean, in some way, your existence is purposeful?”

“That’s… a very sweet thing to say,” Magnus said, and he swallowed.

“I don’t mind that it took you some time,” Alec said. “I mean, I would have loved to have been with you from the second I set eyes on you, I just hope that the time you took was more for you than for anyone else.”

“What do you mean?”

“I hope that you took the time to figure out that you want love to be kind for your sake, not for anyone else’s.” Alec tried to rearrange the words in his head because they didn’t make all that much sense when said. “I mean, your parents have had an effect, and so you thought love was one thing, and maybe it should be another. And I hope that you figured out that it should be this other thing for your own sake, and that you didn’t just realise that I like love to be quiet. I don’t know if that makes sense, but…”

Magnus nodded. “I might need to figure out some of what you mean, but I think I understand.”

Alec laughed lightly. “I’m just saying… I don’t know what the trigger was for coming back into my bakery, but I hope it was for you. Maybe a little for me because that’s how relationships work, I think, but mainly for you.”

Magnus nodded. “I might be able to answer that a little better after some sleep and thought.” Magnus smiled. “Maybe after I’ve figured out love a little more as well.”

He kissed Magnus again, and they spoke about quieter things until they could speak no more, and they succumbed to slumber.


	4. A Part of My Soul

> “I feel like a part of my soul has loved you since the beginning of everything.  
> Maybe we’re from the same star.”  
> ― Emery Allen

The Christmas and New Year period meant they didn’t get to see each other all that often what with them trying to keep their relationship private. Alec spent his with his sister and Simon, and Magnus spent it with his collection of friends. Alec missed being with him, but he did also have the bakery to focus on as it always got so busy when Christmas was about.

Given the rest of his family were occupied with their families and their careers, it was always important to make the most of being with them when it was calm over Christmas. Izzy’s bump was growing steadily, and Maryse was overjoyed at the notion that she would be getting a grandchild soon. Alec wondered how much Christmas would change when there were babies involved. Right now, it was the same as it had almost always been; they watched a movie in the morning, ate a big Christmas dinner, opened presents, watched another movie, all with a little drinking, except for Izzy, and they went to bed far too late. Max and Will had been able to come last year, but not this year unfortunately. Alec hadn’t seen his father for months and no longer expected even a phone call at Christmas.

Alec spent the New Year period at a party at Jace and Clary’s new home, and they sang and drank, and Alec chatted genially with Jonathan and his boyfriend, Thomas. He got a little tipsy and sang the new year in with everyone around him, excited with the idea of what this year might bring.

Of course, there were a couple questions from friends and family about any possible dating he might be doing, and Alec gave the same answer he always gave, and he tried to be a good liar, but it was a little more difficult given the truth had now change. He gave the same answer he usually gave, and that had been the truth for most of his life, and so it was accepted, but it felt strange on his tongue now. Jace did make hints about some of the single, attractive guys he had invited to their New Year party, and Alec nodded, agreed they were attractive, and said no more about it. There was only one man for him and, for the first time ever, that man was actually his. He wouldn’t look at anyone else, and it was great to finally be able to say that, even if only in his head.

After the New Year celebrations had settled down, everything started again in earnest, and Alec looked forward to seeing Magnus. They had exchanged texts and even a phone call in the couple of weeks they had been apart. Alec wasn’t yet that dependent on him to feel like he was lost without seeing him, and he didn’t intend on getting to that point, but he did miss him. In fact, he missed him even more than he had in all those years when they had been apart because he had Magnus now, he knew what it was like to kiss him, to hold and be held by him. To know that and know he could so easily have that, and for him to be gone, it did make him miss him more.

He was at his bakery, as he always was, when he saw Magnus again. He was making chocolate chip cookies, teaching Tavvy how to get a perfect ratio of chips in the dough when the bell above the door rang. Alec glanced up from his vantage point in the kitchen and saw his Magnus come through the door. He was without hat even though it had snowed again last night, but he wore this thick, pink scarf and lilac, fingerless gloves. He had the most luxurious, black coat that had a high collar, turned up against the biting wind that the snow had brought with it. His eyes were winged with perfect eyeliner, and Alec thought his lips were glittered with some lipgloss as well. Although Alec was warmed because of the ovens, his heart was warmed further when he saw his Magnus enter.

Alec told Tavvy to put the cookies in the oven, wiped his hands on his apron, and emerged onto the shopfloor to greet him. Magnus had begun unbuttoning his coat, and he smiled when he saw Alec.

As it always somewhat was nowadays, it was busy in the shop. Alec knew this was only somewhat due to his bakes, and that it was also due to his social media manager. Lily did a fantastic job of promoting deals, the bakery itself, uploading great pictures to Instagram, marketing on Twitter and Facebook. If someone left a bad review, she was on it in a second to figure out why and encourage them to push it higher. She was integral to keeping the shop full.

This meant Alec didn’t want to clutter the store or confuse his employees in terms of who was queueing or where the queue was going. After they had made eye contact, Alec thought to take his hand but decided against it, and instead just led them out to the back and then up to his apartment so they could have some privacy.

They shared a long moment of kissing, Magnus’ coat half-undone, his scarf hanging loosely around his neck. When they parted, Alec’s lips felt sticky from Magnus’ lipgloss, but he was all smiles all the same.

Magnus then unbuttoned the rest of his coat, and Alec got to making them both some coffee. He would need to be downstairs in a minute to check on some bakes and make sure Tavvy was all right, but he would spend some time with Magnus now because he could, and because his soul was too content to be apart from Magnus when he was in his apartment.

“How was your Christmas?” Alec asked, Magnus having hung his coat up at the door and slowly unwinding the rest of his scarf as he walked through the apartment. He placed the scarf on the back of one of the chairs in the kitchen, leaning on it as Alec made their coffees.

“It was good. I usually like a sophisticated Christmas, but pretty much all my friends have kids. So where it was once relatively inexpensive and quite sophisticated, it is now horribly expensive and full of toys,” Magnus picked off both his gloves and placed them on the table, almost at home here, which Alec adored. “But I love kids. And I can have my sophisticated Christmas with my other friends.”

“So, you have two Christmases?”

“Yes; Christmas Eve is with my big group of friends with all the children, and then Christmas Day is with Ragnor and Catarina.”

Alec knew those names briefly, and he wondered what they were like in person. Magnus clearly held them in high regard, and Alec was looking forward to being integrated further into Magnus’ life. They still wanted more time in private together to secure a stronger relationship, but Alec enjoyed the thought of spending a Christmas with Magnus and the people he held dear.

“And neither of them have children?” Alec asked.

Magnus shook his head. “Ragnor’s not huge on the idea of children. Catarina is more maternal, but content to be childless. For the moment, at least.”

“Is that why they don’t join your friends on Christmas Eve?”

“Well, they’re not super close with the others,” Magnus explained. “But Ragnor really isn’t a kid kind of person. I, however, love children.” He paused. “What about you?”

“Do I like kids?”

Magnus nodded.

“I mean, I have wanted kids for a long while, but I don’t think I’m huge on kids in general. I’ll love my sister’s kids and Jace’s kids unconditionally, but other than that... I’m not sure.”

Magnus nodded. “When I introduce you to Tessa and Jem, you’ll have trouble not falling in love with their young Kit. He is the sweetest thing.”

Alec smiled. There were a lot of names he was going to have to remember, but he looked forward to being a part of Magnus’ life in a more concrete way.

Catching up with Magnus was lovely. They hadn’t been away from each other all that long but sitting together, drinking coffee, sharing cake, it was just pleasant. It was like perfect recuperation for his soul. Some people needed holidays when they were tired after the Christmas period, some liked the spa, some required a shopping spree; Alec just needed a coffee with his Magnus. For so many years, he had never had the luxury of enjoying this kind of recuperation. He had been living a half-life, always thinking it was full. Whenever someone had looked in, they probably thought his life was half, not lived fully, but he had never seen that or believed it. Looking back, he saw that he hadn’t been living a full life, and he realised, now, how much more peaceful a full life was.

It had been quietly exhausting before. Each day, coming home to an empty apartment, talking only to his sister and friends when they weren’t busy with their own lives. He slept alone, he ate dinner alone, he did everything alone. Some people were fine like that, that was their ideal.

Alec had thought he was one of those people. He had thought he was content to always be alone, but now he had Magnus to call in the evenings, to drink coffee with, and talk to, he thought maybe he had just settled for that life instead. He realised that, maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t meant to come home to a quiet apartment and sit alone in the evenings. He was meant to be accompanied, and that was by Magnus, who was easy and peaceful.

Alec invited Magnus to stay the evening, which he had presumed Magnus was going to do anyway. After the bakery was closed, Alec brought them up some lemon meringue pies, and they watched a movie, recuperating in their dearest’s presence, which Alec desperately needed.

He was always exhausted after the Christmas and New Year period. He loved being around his family and friends, loved the feel of Christmas and celebration, but he was a quiet person. All that excitement and conversation, it exhausted a man like Alec. He liked quieter conversations, just a few people, not a house full of strangers and family alike. His soul liked peace, and Magnus, after the Christmas rush, he gave him peace.

Magnus was a tad different in that he was a people-person. The reason he was deflated after Christmas was not because he was exhausted, but because he loved people. He loved the buzz, the crowds, the excitement and rush, the hubbub of people and socialising. When the parties were over, Alec was glad and tired. Magnus, however, was saddened and wistful for it all to return in a years’ time. They were different in that regard, but sometimes differences worked better than similarities.

After they had eaten, spoken, and made sweet and quiet love, they lay together, simply just touching because, when you were in love, even a day apart felt like you were half a whole. Alec had felt that way since he had met Magnus, and, now he knew what it was like to be whole, to be half of it was like to be nothing at all.

“I missed you,” Magnus said, quiet like the room itself. The curtains were closed, the lamps were switched off, and there was no glow in the room. As their eyes adjusted to the dark, they also adjusted to the shadows of the other, and Alec loved the shape of Magnus in his apartment, in his room, in his bed.

“You did?” Alec asked.

Magnus nodded. He breathed in this content sigh, one Alec loved and would remember always.

“I missed you as well,” Alec said, testing the words on his tongue as he said them. They were not words he had ever fathomed saying before, not out loud, but he had thought them. To say them for the first time to Magnus, and not in the enormous context of having missed him for the years he’d been gone, but in the short context of being missing for a couple of weeks, how lovely and simple it was, how much of a dream it had been, his reality now.

“I always feel so blue when the New Year period is truly over,” Magnus said.

“Well, my mother said I was getting fat, so I don’t think I’m sorry to see it go.”

“She said that?”

“Mhm.”

Magnus laughed through his nose.

“Oh, so you think I’ve put on weight too?” Alec asked since Magnus had said nothing to deny it. Alec had been feeling a little sluggish, and he knew he wasn’t exactly overweight, but he was still sensitive about his weight as a lot of people were. His mother had only been saying that she thought Alec was getting chunky, and it came from a place of love, not wanting Alec to be overtaken by all the sugar he ate as a part of his job, but he still didn’t care for the use of the word.

“I never said such a thing,” Magnus replied.

“But you do think I have?”

Magnus tutted lightly, jestingly. “You have a soft tummy and thick thighs, I am certainly not going to complain.”

Alec sighed. “Do you work out?”

Magnus laughed. “Are you hitting on me, Alexander?”

Alec scoffed. “Do you, though?”

“Sometimes. I just do it to keep fit. You can join me if you want.”

“Couples who work out together are infuriating. Jace and Clary work out together. I can’t stand it.”

Magnus laughed.

Alec sighed, heavy. Gaining weight was just a part of the job, Alec supposed. You weren’t supposed to trust a skinny chef, maybe you couldn’t trust a skinny baker either. “It’s so easy to keep weight off when you’re young,” he said. “It seems to just stick to you more when you get old.”

“Sometimes, darling, you talk like you’re eighty-four, not thirty-four.” Magnus reached out and stroked through Alec’s hair in a familiar and loving gesture. “You’re not exactly old.”

“I feel it.”

Magnus smiled. Alec saw it like a sweet, gentle light in the dark of the room. Alec could look at him for hours. “Well, you don’t look it, my darling.”

Alec told him to hush, and they fell quietly to sleep, righted now the missing part of their soul lay beside them again.

It was nice to fall back into a routine with him. They would spend time at Alec’s apartment, or at Magnus’. Their evenings, when they spent them with each other, were quiet and pleasant. Magnus would read fashion magazines, Alec would write out his recipes or read recipe books. They would sit next to each other, music on in the background, usually of Magnus’ choosing, Magnus might have a hand idly on Alec’s thigh if Alec had a leg tucked up underneath him, or Alec might have an arm extended along the back of the sofa as Magnus leaned into it. It was casual. Easy.

There were a few difficult moments following New Years; Jace called a couple of times to meet up or come over. This meant either that Magnus had to hurry out or that Alec had to hurry back to his apartment if he was at Magnus’. Other times, Izzy had called to have a family get together, without their father and not always with Max, and if he had a date already planned with Magnus, he was not going to cancel on him. Coming up with excuses became increasingly difficult because he wasn’t ever going to say he had a date because he didn’t want to deal with those questions, but he also never really had any other plans, so it did seem odd. It would make sense eventually, but for the moment, he had to deal with their curiosity and stay strong.

He felt good about introducing Magnus to his family soon as they hadn’t had any big blowouts or arguments or shouting matches. They had had a series of calm, informative discussions every now and again, remaining open with each other and making sure nothing stayed bottled up. It was healthy, and Alec felt stronger with him than he had anticipated. He knew his friends and family would still have quite a few things to say, and he didn’t know how much Magnus’ friends really knew, but as long as they were strong in themselves, they wouldn’t let anyone else have any sort of affect.

Alec got a call from his sister a couple of months down the line, inviting him to a baby shower she was having. Although Clary and Jace’s little girl was due first, Izzy and Simon were having the first baby shower, she explained. Izzy and Simon didn’t know the sex of their baby, they were waiting until the child was born, but Izzy was still looking forward to the gifts, and she wanted them as soon as possible so she knew what she would still have to buy and prepare.

“Apparently,” she said after she had told him the date of the event, “you are not supposed to hold your own baby shower, so mum is technically the host, but that’s merely a technicality.”

Alec was above his bakery, wiping his hands on his apron. He always took personal calls upstairs, and he hoped Diego remembered the bread had to be out of the proving oven soon. He thought he might be on the phone for a while since Izzy loved a catchup, even if they had been texting last night.

Magnus was also on his way over. It was a late Friday evening, so he had been at the office. They were planning to go out, have an official date because Magnus was a romantic soul, and Alec liked to be romantic with him. It might be a touch delayed if he was on the phone to his sister, however.

They started talking about babies and their mother, how Clary was doing in her pregnancy, how Izzy might start a new job in personal shopping or personal styling after her maternity leave was up. Alec had very little news other than Magnus, and given he wasn’t talking about Magnus yet, he had no news at all. He was happy to listen to Izzy, and listen to her he did.

When Magnus came up the stairs and into his apartment, always open when the bakery was open, he went to say hello before he saw Alec was on the phone. Alec mouthed that he was talking to Izzy, so Magnus nodded and quietly started to make some coffee. Izzy might not think it was crazy if she heard anyone in the background of Alec’s apartment, his staff came up all the time to talk to Alec or ask him to come downstairs and check on things they were making. But if she did ask, Alec would have to lie, and he was getting a little tired of lying about the man he loved.

Eventually, after they had both finished their coffees and Alec was infringing on being late for their reservation, Alec had to interrupt his sister in the middle of a story about some singer who had been rude to Simon and the rest of his band. It wasn’t that he wasn’t interested, he just had somewhere to be.

“Izzy, I hate to interrupt, but unfortunately, I do have somewhere to be soon and I don’t want to be late,” Alec said. Magnus had been scrolling through his phone or looking through a couple of the magazines he had brought from work. Alec liked watching Magnus was when he was reading, he was so peaceful and interested in the photographs and words that were sprawled across the page. He would idly tap his finger against his cheek when he would rest his chin in his hand and bite his lip, and Alec adored him, even more so in their quiet moments together.

“Oh,” Izzy said, “I’m sorry. Look at me, talking away. You going anywhere nice?”

“Just out with a… friend,” Alec said. Magnus looked up at the word, grinning and winking, which made Alec smile in turn. “But I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”

“Of course! Have a lovely time.”

They hung up after bidding goodbye, and Alec finally got to greet Magnus with a kiss and actual word of hello. Alec hurried to get ready for their date, showering quickly to get rid of the bakery smell and changing into smarter clothes. He sprayed some cologne, and walked arm-in-arm with Magnus to the restaurant.

They had a lot of conventional dates, sort of to solidify a more conventional relationship. Considering how they met, and considering how their relationship actually began, Alec knew there was very little conventional about them. Alec knew they could never be in a traditional relationship, and he didn’t necessarily want them to be, but it was nice to have some moments of normal. They ate at restaurants, went to the cinema a couple of times, even though that very much was not Alec’s thing, and ate a dessert place once. Magnus was a fan of more unconventional dates like bookstore crawls, winter picnics, a class of something like pottery. They hadn’t done any of those yet, and Alec wanted to indulge Magnus in everything, except winter picnics because that was ridiculous, but conventional dates were good when relationships had unconventional beginnings.

When they returned after their lovely dinner with fine wines and a cake, they made love the way they always did after dates. It was sort of hard to resist each other. Now that Alec had had him once, he used every opportunity, which usually followed dates, to have him again.

After they lay there quietly for a moment, recovering their breathing, Alec said, “Do you remember when sex used to be spontaneous?”

Magnus rolled to his side, looking down at Alec with his chin resting on his palm. “What do you mean?”

“I used to wake up and not know if I’d be getting laid that evening. Now we’re dating and we go on actual dates, I just know when I’ll be having sex, you know?”

“We can still have spontaneous sex if you want.”

Alec shrugged. “I’m all right with it. I don’t have the stamina any longer. I just remember that sex could happen anywhere in this apartment. I could be fucked against a kitchen counter or in the bathroom. It is strictly the bedroom for me now, and strictly when I know it is coming.”

Magnus laughed. “I can still fuck you against a kitchen counter.”

“Oh, Raziel, no. I don’t have the stamina for that.”

“Darling, remember, thirty-four, not eighty-four.”

Alec shrugged but smiled all the same. “I think the sentiment will be the same when I’m eighty-four as well.”

Magnus laughed, and he pressed their lips together gently.

“By the way,” Alec began when they had parted, “my sister’s having a baby shower next weekend.”

“Oh, was that why she was calling?”

Alec nodded.

“Okay, I can do some work next weekend then,” Magnus said.

“Actually,” Alec began, coming up to mirror Magnus’ pose so they were closer and actually facing each other. “I was wondering if you wanted to come with me.”

There was a quiet to the room then as Magnus considered what Alec was saying. He nodded slowly.

“You want me to come to your sister’s baby shower?” Magnus repeated.

“Yeah.”

“To meet her?”

“Yeah. And the rest of my family. Jace and Clary will probably be there too.”

“Right.”

“You don’t want to?” Alec asked. “It’s fine if you don’t. I’m just… ready, I think.”

“I would love to,” Magnus assured. “I just didn’t realise how… nervous I would feel at the prospect.”

Alec nodded. “So, will you come?”

“Definitely,” Magnus said. “I will take the week to prepare myself.”

“Great.”

Alec felt a sudden rush of nerves as well. He had always known, he supposed, that he would introduce Magnus to his family and friends, so he had always known it was coming and what it might bring. There would be questions and curiosity, and maybe they would say Alec was being a great fool. On some levels, he would understand where those ideas would come from as they would be saying them because they loved Alec. On other levels, thinking about how he would deal with those conversations made him nervous because he had dealt with his own apprehensions about Magnus, and he didn’t know how to make others see how good Magnus was if they simply refused to believe it.

He wondered who would be the first to say something, who would be the first to call Alec out. He wondered if anyone would say anything to Magnus. If anyone did, it was likely going to be Jace. Clary wouldn’t, she might only say something in private. Izzy would say a lot to Alec because she cared about him so deeply. Maryse, well, she would just be happy Alec was dating and bringing his boyfriend to a family gathering. It was going to be interesting, but Alec wanted Magnus brought further into his life, and this was the next step for that to happen.


	5. From the Outside

> “Relationships don’t always make sense. Especially from the outside.”  
> ― Sarah Dessen, _Along for the Ride_

The two of them were standing at Izzy and Simon’s house, outside the door, and Alec almost refused to ring the bell. There was a well of nerves that had formed inside his belly and refused to part even after the week of preparation that he had had for bringing Magnus to his sister’s baby shower.

Everyone in there whom he knew, which was a sizeable portion, didn’t know he was bringing anyone. He had decided to keep it to himself, for some reason. Maybe he should have softened the blow, given them some inkling into what was happening, but he had decided to keep it quiet and hope for the best.

Neither Magnus nor Alec had really spoken about what they were expecting after Alec had mentioned the baby shower itself. Alec supposed that had been because, if they didn’t talk about it, they could pretend it was going to be easy and simple and just like any other day. They had mentioned it only once more when buying the gift, this fashionable thing, some sort of organiser for baby clothes, which Magnus had started gushing about. Alec had thought he and Izzy were going to get on fabulously well. After the initial shock, anyway.

A small majority of the people inside would know Magnus’ name, some of them would even know his face. Those who didn’t know him would be a little shocked that Alec had been so quiet about their relationship, but those who knew him would understand all too well. Usually, after one date, he would tell his family and his best friend, but he hadn’t mentioned Magnus. He had made excuses when their dates clashed with other plans because they had both agreed that they needed to deal with it alone first, agreed that they didn’t need other opinions being placed where they would only make things tougher. They had had a couple of tumultuous moments in their discussions about their feelings and their past, and they had dealt with it well because they didn’t have everyone shoving their opinions in.

But this meant no one knew he was bringing someone or who that someone was. He was nervous, and he couldn’t even hold Magnus’ hand because he had the gift. Magnus had had to wrap it because Alec had never mastered the skill and Magnus was a saint at wrapping. Alec wasn’t sure why he was thinking about that. It might have something to do with not wanting to think about the task at hand, Alec couldn’t be certain.

“Maybe we’re overreacting,” Magnus said. “It will be okay.” He glanced at Alec. “Won’t it?”

“I don’t think the world’s going to end,” Alec said. “But, you’re going to meet my mother. I’ve only ever introduced one boyfriend to my mother.”

“And what about Jace? And your sister?”

Alec shrugged. “I couldn’t say. But let’s be prepared for a barrage of questions.”

Magnus nodded, sending Alec his charming and reassuring smile, and Alec rang the bell.

They were waiting for a few moments before Simon answered. He seemed frazzled, but he didn’t care for hosting like Izzy did. She was a natural, and Simon would do anything for her, even if it meant hosting at his home.

He smiled at Alec and then pushed his glasses up as he looked at the stranger.

“Hey, Simon,” Alec greeted. “I know we’re cutting it short, sorry.”

“That’s all right,” Simon said. “You’re not the last to arrive.” He looked at Magnus. “I’m Simon.”

“Oh, right,” Alec said. “Yes, this is Simon. Simon, this is Magnus.”

Magnus moved the box to sit under his other arm and they shook hands.

Simon invited them both in and took their jackets to hang up. With the box in his other hand now, Magnus took Alec’s hand and they followed Simon through to the open living room, where an enormous pile of presents sat.

Izzy was probably the most popular person he knew. This meant their living room was quite full. There were the usual suspects; Jace, Clary, Maryse, Jordan, Eric, some other friends as well. There were also people Alec didn’t know but this was not surprising.

Once they were in view, there was immediate recognition from Clary and Jace, and Alec saw that and then looked away to greet Izzy. She was radiant, as ever, her perfect bump somehow more perfect, dressed only in the most stylish of maternity clothes. She had been talking to Maryse beside her, but stopped when Simon entered. She looked at Magnus first, then at Alec with a lowered brow. Alec smiled and then scouted out where to sit, Simon taking the present and adding it to the pile.

“I hope we’re not late,” Alec said.

Izzy nodded. A space was somewhat cleared for Alec and Magnus on a sofa opposite Izzy and Maryse. It meant Magnus was now sitting next to Clary, but at least Alec had an arm and could avoid their stares via Magnus as the blockade.

“Uh, this is Magnus,” Alec introduced. “My, um…”

“I’m Alec’s boyfriend,” Magnus said, picking it up because Alec’s confidence had faltered underneath his mother’s stare.

They were surrounded by people who did not know the details of his previous relationship with Magnus, most people would not even clock his name, so there could be no grand discussion, ones he could be certain his family and dearest friends were desperate to have.

“Magnus _Bane_?” Izzy asked, looking between Alec and Magnus.

He felt Magnus grow tense beside him, but his tone was pleasant and Alec saw his smile was bright as he said, “That’s the one.”

Izzy nodded, slowly looking between them before the doorbell rang again, and Simon ran off to answer it. Alec was glad they had not been the last to arrive. They were already drawing a lot of attention, and Alec didn’t want any more added because they had been late.

Conversation began again, and Clary and Jace immediately began talking to Magnus and Alec.

“I haven’t seen you in a while,” Clary said, one of her hands in Jace’s and the other sitting on her bump. Alec did not lock eyes with Jace, but watched his boyfriend as he spoke to Clary.

“It has been a while,” Magnus agreed. “You look radiant, by the way.”

Clary beamed. “Thank you. I hope you’ll be coming to our baby shower next week.”

“If I am invited,” Magnus said.

“Well, if you’re part of Alec’s life…” Jace said, pointedly.

“Well, I would like to think I will be in a weeks’ time at least,” Magnus responded, steady in his tone. “And be more involved in it, as well.”

Jace nodded as the final guests were brought in. Maryse was technically the host, but she sat back and let Izzy begin once everyone was settled. Alec took Magnus’ hand as Izzy started opening the presents. She was a very gracious gift-receiver, said exactly why it would be useful. Even when one couple brought something not from the list, she was genial, though Alec was sure it was frustrating. There was gushing over baby shoes, excitement over the pram Maryse had brought, and Simon’s fear of how genuinely small the baby would be as he held a Babygro was also present.

When all the gifts were opened, it was time for tea, which was finger food and non-alcoholic champagne because, if Izzy couldn’t drink, Maryse wasn’t going to let anybody else. Everyone was invited to the open-plan kitchen and then the garden to continue socialising in this early-spring morning.

This was where Alec and Magnus were separated and interrogated. Magnus was taken outside as he spoke with Clary, and Alec promised to bring him food as he went to the kitchen with his sister, who gripped his arm like a vice. Izzy waited until the kitchen was near empty before she released Alec and stared at him. Alec started to gather food for himself and Magnus, waiting for his sister to talk.

“What is happening here?” she asked.

“Where?” Alec did not want to piss his sister off, but he also did not need to be treated like a child.

“This is the Magnus who broke your heart, correct?”

“Uh, yeah, the same one.” Alec picked out a delicate ham sandwich and chewed it. “How did you like your gift?”

“Alec.”

Alec blinked at her.

“I have so many questions!” she exclaimed. “When did you start dating? How did you even reconcile? Did you look for him? Have you just forgiven him? How is it working? Are you sure he’s not abusing you? Why haven’t you said anything?”

Alec swallowed his mouthful. “Which did you want me to answer?”

“Alec.”

“Okay, firstly, let’s calm down. I don’t want you to be induced into labour through stress.”

Izzy subconsciously put a hand on her belly. “Why haven’t you said anything? I think that’s my biggest question.”

“Because we knew what people would think, and then say.” Alec put some more food onto the plate for Magnus. “I want you to know that we have spoken about it a lot, and we do love each other. I know what it might look like, believe me, we’ve both had the same thought, but we’ve worked through it and that’s why we’re comfortable here today.”

Izzy sighed. “I obviously want you to be happy. I want you to be in love and content and with the sweetest, loveliest guy in the world.” She paused, Alec just watching her. “I don’t know if Magnus is that guy.”

“You don’t really know him.”

“No. But I remember how much he hurt you.”

“He did. He’s apologised for it, and we acknowledge it a lot. I love him. He loves me. I wouldn’t have brought him here if I wasn’t confident and comfortable with him.”

“If you’re confident, then I will try to be,” Izzy said. “But…”

Alec nodded.

Izzy might have had more to say, but Maryse came in, bearing an empty plate, and the siblings knew Maryse should not be involved in this debate. As she entered, she said, “Alexander, what a very charming man you have brought today.”

Alec smiled. Magnus could, indeed, be very charming. It was definitely for the best that he was charming Alec’s scrutinous mother.

“He said you met at the bakery,” Maryse said. “That’s great to hear.”

“Yeah, he’s been a customer for a while,” Alec said, which was the truth, even if there was much more to it. “Do you like him?”

“I do,” Maryse said, gathering food hurriedly. “I need to talk to him some more but he’s very charming. Very, very interesting. Why haven’t you mentioned him before today?”

Alec shrugged. “We just wanted to remain private for a while.”

“I see. Well, I must talk with him some more.”

Alec watched his mother hurry outside.

“I think our mother is trying to steal your boyfriend,” Izzy said.

Alec made a face as he thought that idea through and told Izzy to gather some food so they could save Magnus from that possibility.

When they went outside, Izzy was stolen away by some other pregnant women whom Alec didn’t know all that well, but Alec made directly for his boyfriend, who was in a conversation with Maryse, Clary, and Jace. Magnus was being thrust directly into Alec’s life, bless his soul for coping.

Alec offered Magnus the plate when he stood beside him, and Magnus kissed his cheek as he said thanks, taking a ham sandwich that was incredibly dainty.

“Magnus was just saying he made everything he is wearing,” Maryse said, highly impressed with the idea.

Magnus was wearing this chic jumper with a pretty print that he had done some matching of or something. Alec did not understand fashion terms, but Magnus didn’t understand baking terms, so at least they were level there. He was also wearing mauve jeans, and the leather jacket that was currently hung up had also been his own creation. He looked fabulous; he always did.

“He’s very talented,” Alec agreed.

“He said he’ll make our little girl some clothes too,” Clary said. “Which we’re very excited about.”

“I haven’t made a lot of baby clothes, but I’m willing to try,” Magnus said.

Clary’s smile was wide enough for Alec to think that, maybe, just maybe, Magnus would fit in here with his family and friends.

And then he looked at Jace, who was staring back at him with a severity to his gaze. Alec had guessed Jace might have the most severe reaction to Magnus being his boyfriend, but the darkness in his eyes was like a venom, and Alec knew it was not directed at him but the fact it was directed at Magnus did not feel great either. He loved Magnus and was dating him, and part of dating someone was being protective of them. He could understand where this hatred emanated from, but Alec could not allow it to continue. He adored both Magnus and Jace, and whilst they might never get along, he couldn’t allow Jace to hate him because of what had passed.

The conversation continued pleasantly for a moment, neither Jace nor Alec contributing. Alec could feel Jace’s stare switching from between him and Magnus, and he tried not to glance at Jace to gratify him, but it was hard when you felt you were being watched. Alec couldn’t be sure if Magnus had noticed it, but Alec couldn’t help feeling so watched.

Eventually, Jace said, “Hey, Alec, Izzy and Simon just installed a new water feature. Do you want me to show you it?”

If anyone else got the intense vibe of Jace’s tone, no one said anything. They would all understand why Jace would want Alec alone, bar Maryse, and Maryse was too invested in her conversation with Magnus to want to come along anyway. All Alec could do, then, was nod. Magnus kissed him on the cheek when he left, and the intense eye contact made Alec think Magnus likely understood what was about to pass between them.

Izzy’s garden was enormous, and the water feature that Jace had been telling the truth about sat at the bottom of the garden. They had a small pond that currently had no fish, but Alec was sure they might be added in the future. To the right of the pond sat a new water feature that was like a miniature waterfall with stones that came down in tiers. It was currently switched on, and the gentle trickle of water, surrounded by various plants that Simon had recently added, Izzy usually being the green thumb but finding it harder with her enormous belly, made it all very serene. Kids were going to love growing up around here.

Alec, however, had little time to truly appreciate it before he and Jace were standing in front of each other. Jace’s jaw was set hard, and Alec wished the sound of trickling was louder because it suddenly felt entirely too quiet between them.

There was silence for just a touch too long, and Alec couldn’t bear the way Jace was looking at him.

“Are you going to speak first, or should I?” Alec asked.

“I’m trying to not go berserk, so just give me a minute,” Jace said.

Alec nodded.

Jace exhaled a long breath, and Alec swallowed.

“What are you doing?” Jace asked through gritted teeth.

Where Alec had been sarcastic with his sister, it was decidedly not the tone he was going to take with Jace. “I’ve brought my boyfriend to a gathering of my friends and family. That’s all.”

“You aren’t mentioning that this _boyfriend_ is Magnus.”

“No, but he is.”

“Are you kidding?”

Alec didn’t answer. He could feel Jace’s rage beginning to simmer, and Alec did not want to cause a scene at his sister’s baby shower.

“Have I gone crazy? Or is this the same guy who broke your heart?” Jace asked.

“Yes, he is. But he’s apologised for that. Can’t you forgive him?”

“I don’t understand why you have.”

“Because, sometimes, people hurt other people and they don’t mean to. And even if they do mean to, if they apologise, why can’t we accept that apology and move forward?”

“Because I remember how you were,” Jace said. “You were inconsolable. He fucking ruined you, have you forgotten that?”

“No, but he’s apologised, Jace.”

“Is that enough? You were such a wreck, and I’m not going to watch you throw everything away.”

“What do you mean? I’m not throwing anything away. He’s not asked anything of me, why would he?”

“Some people are manipulative. I can’t just watch you and not say anything.”

“There’s not anything to watch.”

“Alec, you were a wreck when you last saw him. I watched you throw Jonathan away _because_ of him. He will do the same to you.”

Alec sucked in a breath. “I have apologised for that countless times, and I think about it always. If I threw Jonathan away, then maybe Magnus and I are the same.”

“He made you that way.” Jace set his jaw again, shaking his head. “I watched you for years as you pined for him, and he gave you nothing in return. And suddenly, here he is, and I just refuse to watch it.”

“He is a good man, and he loves me. He has been through some shit, he has made some mistakes, and I have decided that those mistakes are not worth condemning him over.”

“If he loved you, he wouldn’t have come back and demanded this of you.”

“He hasn’t demanded anything of me. I can make my own decisions, and I decided that I wanted to make this work. We have had so many conversations about our past, and maybe you don’t see it from the outside, but it is working. It is.”

“I won’t watch it.”

Alec felt his eyes brimming with tears. He had known it might not be easy to introduce Magnus to his family, but he had hoped that they would see that he was happy and be okay with it. This was not working out at all. It was breaking his heart. He had finally had Magnus repair his heart, it wasn’t fair that Jace was now breaking it.

“I understand where your anger is coming from but, please, don’t let it ruin our friendship.”

Jace shrugged.

“Are you saying you’d really throw away our friendship because of this?” Alec asked.

“I suppose that depends on whether _you_ are willing to throw out our friendship because of him, Alec.”

Alec refused to let his tears spill, but his eyes were suddenly so very sore. “I won’t ask you to watch, then.”

Jace darted his eyes away, and Alec realised that staying would only cause him to start crying. He refused to make a scene at his sister’s baby shower, so instead of returning to Clary or Magnus or his mother or even anyone else, he made his way into the house and up the stairs until he reached the main bathroom. He tried not to make it look like he was hurrying, and he smiled at some people as he went, taking a longer way around so as to avoid Magnus and the others.

The bathroom was, thankfully, unoccupied, so he locked the door behind himself, walked through, ignoring how clean the room was, how shiny all the surfaces were, and rested his hands on the sink, gripping them until his knuckles were white. Looking up into the mirror, he could see how red his eyes were. He refused to let the tears spill, but it meant clenching his jaw so hard it started to hurt.

Part of the problem was that Alec, so easily, could see where Jace was coming from. He understood that anger and had previously felt that anger. But he had let it calm, he just needed Jace to do the same, and it seemed he wouldn’t.

He wasn’t going to choose one or the other. Maybe he had, in some ways, chosen Magnus, but he wanted them both. He couldn’t toss away his friendship with Jace because that had been so many years of work and wonders, but he also couldn’t toss away what he had with Magnus. What they had together, what they were building, he would be ruined if that had to go away. He understood it if Jace couldn’t forgive Magnus, but couldn’t they at least both be in his life?

He couldn’t be sure how long he stared at himself in the mirror, not through vanity but just staring through himself with blank eyes, but there was eventually a knock at the door. His eyes were no longer red, but he still felt deflated.

Taking a steadying breath, he left the bathroom to find that it was Magnus who had knocked. His mouth opened a little, perhaps surprised Alec was behind the door, but then he offered a tentative smile.

“I was looking for you, but I didn’t expect to find you here,” Magnus said. “I’ve been waiting for the bathroom for about ten minutes. I thought maybe someone had gone into labour.”

Alec managed a smile, but the way Magnus looked at him made him feel that it did not quite reach his eyes.

“Did it not go well with Jace?” Magnus asked.

Alec shrugged. Where he had been upset, he was now feeling quiet hollow. He needed some time to be away from this and wondered if maybe they could get away now. They had been here a while, Alec would like to now be at home with Magnus and no one else.

Magnus was quiet a moment before he said, “I don’t want to get between you and your friends.”

Alec shook his head. He was not going to have gone through that with Jace and lose Magnus as well. He refused it. “You’re not getting between anything. I really need you to be with me right, please don’t-.”

Magnus rushed forward and put a hand on Alec’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I’m here, I’m with you. I’m not going if you don’t want me to go.”

“I don’t want you to go.”

Relieved, they shared a hug where Alec pressed his face hard into Magnus’ comforting shoulder, and then they went downstairs to bid goodbye to everyone. Some had already left as afternoon turned into early evening. They would be seeing each other soon for when Izzy gave birth, and even for Clary and Jace’s baby shower next week. Jace wasn’t there when they said goodbye, and Alec so desperately hoped they would be okay and that they hadn’t been ruined forever.

They went to gather their coats and, before he went into the house, Clary had followed him and asked him to stay a moment. Alec couldn’t deal with losing Clary too. Maybe she was uninviting him from the baby shower and from being their little girl’s godfather. Alec couldn’t take another blow like that.

Magnus continued into the house, and Alec stood with Clary, alone, in the doorframe. She was so ready to burst, her bump so sizeable on her little form. Alec loved that he was going to be godfather, but if Jace despised Magnus that much and he no longer would be godfather, then so be it. Magnus was a part of his life, and he didn’t want to alienate Jace, but he couldn’t give up Magnus now.

“It’s just a shock,” Clary began once Magnus was out of earshot. “He won’t be upset forever.”

“I haven’t lost him, then?”

Clary smiled, tinged with sadness. “No. He adores you more, I feel, than he adores me at times.”

Alec laughed through his nose. “That’s not true.”

“It is. But I’m okay with it.” She reached over to squeeze Alec’s hand. “We all love you so much, and we want you to be happy. I remember how much you adored Magnus, and maybe none of us saw this coming, but if you continue to adore him, then we will accept that. Even if we, Jace particularly, are wary.”

Alec nodded. “He’s not a bad man.”

“I never thought he was. He hurt you, and I hated him for it, but I don’t think I ever hated _him_ , if that makes sense.” Clary squeezed his hand again. “Give him a couple of days. I’ll talk him down, and I’ll make sure he calls or visits. He just… he loves you.”

Alec knew this and nodded. He leant down to kiss Clary on the cheek, bid her goodbye, and left the house, hand in hand with Magnus and hoping Jace wouldn’t leave him for it.


	6. When Someone Loves You

> “When someone loves you, the way they talk about you is different. You feel safe and comfortable.”  
> ― Jess C. Scott, _The Intern_

A few days later, Magnus invited Alec to a dinner with his friends. Magnus always spoke so highly of his friends, an eclectic group of people he had gathered into his life in lieu of the family whom he never got to be with. He occasionally spoke to his younger two sisters, Murni and Setiawati, but rarely to anyone else. Without them, without that love, he had gathered friends, and Alec was both excited and nervous to meet them.

As most of them were married and had children, Magnus was sort of left behind in that regard. Alec understood what that felt like because he too had been a single man surrounded by friends who were married and starting a family. Alec had enjoyed that, not having to deal with the hassle of marriage or the chaos of children, but it was so evident how much Magnus adored children and marriage and romance. Magnus loved being around his friends, always speaking of them and their children so often, and it was clear Magnus wanted that for himself. For the moment, he lived vicariously through his friends, and so Alec had heard many tales of them, conjuring nerves at the notion he was going to meet them.

Apparently, once a month so they always stayed in contact, one of them would host a dinner party where the kids were not allowed, and they ate fine foods and caught up if they hadn’t seen each other. Alec and Izzy, sometimes his friends, did less-formal meetups, occasionally a dinner, but never a big planned, regular event like this.

It was being hosted on the Friday, and the day of, Alec asked Magnus to choose his outfit because he didn’t want to mess it up. He had baked a cake, though there was so very many of them, ten altogether, and so he had done perfect measurements to make sure everyone got a decent slice. Magnus had laughed when Alec had asked to be dressed, but agreed to come over early to pick out Alec’s outfit before they went to Charlotte and Henry’s abode.

When Magnus came over, Alec resisted pressing him against the wall because he looked so goddamn hot; he was wearing this black shirt that fit him so well, Alec nearly drooled, and these tight, black jeans that hugged his thighs in all the right places. He had a jacket over his shoulder as he came through the door, and his face was made up with a lovely wing and a tinted, red lip. Magnus was _his_ boyfriend, and he could barely believe it.

They kissed lightly, though Alec desperately wanted it to last longer because Magnus made him feel like a teenager sometimes, and then Magnus went to choose Alec’s outfit for him. He decided on a burgundy shirt and made sure Alec did not button it all the way up, which Alec certainly wasn’t used to, and a pair of simple, black slacks, even choosing the black shoes Alec should wear. Alec got the feeling Magnus wanted to style his hair as well, but he managed to restrain himself, and they got ready to make the journey to Charlotte and Henry’s house.

The evening was light and breezy, and it ruffled their hair as they walked the streets in between taking the subway. Apparently Alec was now to be surrounded by only the most successful people as Charlotte and Henry had a lovely and dreadfully expensive home. Alec was successful himself, but he always felt a little daunted by folks who had expensive homes, and apparently that was everyone he knew or was going to now know.

When they reached the house, it was painted this gentle blue colour and had a swinging bench on the lawn that seemed freshly painted. There was a big oak in front of the house that cast gentle shadows in this spring evening. On the road, there were shiny, lavish cars sitting outside the house, and Alec wondered if, and thought it likely that, these cars belonged to the occupants inside the house. Only those who really needed cars bought them given there was always so many cabs and traffic about. Alec knew he was a successful man, but it was daunting to be surrounded by this sort of wealth.

As they reached the porch, Magnus bearing a bottle of wine and Alec bearing the cake, Magnus rang the bell and Alec heard it echo through the expansive halls he was sure lay behind the door. Magnus sent him a charming smile, but it did little to calm Alec’s nerves. He wasn’t an outgoing person, he just had a lot of outgoing people in his life. Alec wanted to make a good impression, but he feared he would need Magnus’ help.

Magnus reached out and squeezed Alec’s shoulder, and Alec nodded as he heard footsteps approach the door.

When it opened, a woman smaller than Clary answered. Alec knew this, instantly, to be Charlotte for Magnus had commented upon her height a couple of times. Her brown hair was braided intricately down her shoulder, and she wore this black dress that had mesh sleeves, a word he had learnt from Magnus recently, and had white polka dots all over it.

Charlotte smiled brightly at Magnus, tucking a few stray strands behind her ear, and Magnus leaned down to hug her.

“Hello, you,” Charlotte said, and Magnus offered the bottle of wine, which she accepted graciously. Magnus then introduced Alec, and they shook hands. “It’s lovely to finally meet you, Alec.”

“And you,” Alec replied, trying to slowly breathe out his tension.

She beckoned them in, and they removed their jackets, Magnus hanging them up with a casual familiarity.

It was as lavish inside as it was outside; everything was matched in colours, all dark and extravagant and chosen with a keen eye, Alec was sure. Whether it was Charlotte and Henry or whether they had hired someone in, Alec couldn’t know, but he felt terrible for keeping his shoes on even though Magnus did the same and Charlotte wore heels to add a couple of inches to her height.

It wasn’t open plan, but there weren’t a lot of doors, just open archways. As they walked through the halls, Alec chanced a glance to see a living room decorated in deep blues and whites, a library with dark shelves, a study with two desks in heavy, oak, only one with a chair that had a high back and made of fine, red leather.

The kitchen led into the dining room, again through open archways. Alec, of course, took his time looking at the kitchen and its two ovens, its marble counters, its fridge that had drawings attached by magnets, made by young hands. There was a wine rack, and pots and pans hung from the ceiling. It was very fine kitchen. Of course, there was art and plants about the place to add character, but Alec loved the kitchen more than the art.

In the kitchen, giving Alec more time to appreciate its beauty, were a couple of Magnus’ friends. Alec could figure out Jem and Cecily, and Henry who was in his wheelchair, but the others weren’t as easy to decipher.

They all greeted Magnus excitedly, and Alec took a steadying breath as introductions began. There were a lot of names going around, apparently Sophie and Gideon were still on their way, but that still meant another six people he had to get to grips with and learn. He was still trying to work out who was married to who when he was given names of their children, and Alec was sure he would eventually understand, but it was a touch overwhelming to begin with.

Alec also really thought there must be something in the water because Tessa was quite heavily pregnant, and he was told Sophie was beginning to show as well. Magnus was clearly in his element. Tessa’s baby started kicking, and Magnus was eager to press his hand to her, feeling the little feet kick. Alec was offered as well, but he felt a little strange about it and declined politely.

“She’s so feisty,” Tessa said as Magnus removed his hand. Jem put his hand on the small of Tessa’s back, and she subconsciously leaned into him. “I don’t think Kit ever kicked. She kicks every hour.”

“How old is Kit?” Alec asked because he was really trying to solidify these family trees and not ask someone about a kid who wasn’t theirs, which he greatly feared he was about to do.

“He’s five now,” Tessa said. “He’s obsessed with Magnus.”

Alec glanced at Magnus, and he saw him smiling, proud.

“Most kids are,” Jem added. “He’s the fun uncle.”

Just as he said this, a small creature bounded into the kitchen, all blonde hair and chubby limbs. He was chanting ‘Magnus, Magnus, Magnus’, and Magnus picked him up, swinging the little boy in the air as he giggled frantically. Alec wasn’t sure which of the children this was, either Charlie or Matthew, but it was clear Magnus was the favourite in the room.

“Hello, little Matthew,” Magnus greeted, clarifying Alec’s confusion. “Where have you been?”

“Garden,” Matthew answered, gripping onto Magnus’ shirt. “Charlie was showing me flowers. But I wanted worms.”

“And did you find some worms?”

“Yes.” Matthew beamed up at Magnus. Matthew glanced at Alec then, and Magnus turned so he was facing Alec more directly.

“This is Alec,” Magnus introduced.

Matthew waved his little hand frantically.

“Hello,” Alec greeted, with a smile.

Matthew’s attention quickly returned to Magnus, however. “Mama says bed soon, but I will stay.”

“I’m not sure you should,” Magnus said. “If mama says you need to go to bed, I think that’s where you should be.”

Matthew shook his head. “I will stay.”

Before Matthew could make a larger protest, Charlotte came over, Charlie now in hand, and told Matthew he had to go to bed. Where he had been joyful and cheerful before, he started to throw a minor tantrum, and Magnus passed him to Henry’s lap so they could argue about bedtime in private.

As children were such a prominent topic, Alec informed them of his sister's pregnancy and of the fact that he was going to be godfather to his friends’ child, though he still hadn’t heard from Jace and was merely hoping he was still going to be godfather. Then, when Gideon and Sophie arrived, Alec saw that she was indeed beginning to show, and it was no surprise that Magnus loved children because, if he didn’t, he would be having an awful time given he was so very surrounded by them.

Charlotte told everyone to take a seat, apart from Sophie who was adamant she should help. Alec saw Sophie sweetly gasp when she saw the cake Alec had brought, asking where she had bought it. When Charlotte said Alec had made it, Sophie turned to look at him and praised him on how beautiful it was. Alec said to wait until she tasted it, but she waved her hand and said he shouldn’t be modest, and Charlotte said particularly not when baking was his career. Alec ducked his head and smiled, following Magnus through to the dining room.

As everywhere else seemed to be, it was decorated with a keen eye; the paint on the walls was a deep red, and there was a large, varnished table in the middle. The chairs matched the varnished table and the cushions matched the red of the walls. There were a few potted plants in the corners, and they were even real. Alec had tried to keep real plants a couple of times, but he always managed to forget to water them. Instead, his own home was now decorated with pretty, fake plants that were much easier to care for.

In the centre, hanging over the table, was an intricate light fixture that illuminated the room in a warm, orange glow, and there were a couple of paintings on the walls, Alec certain they were all originals. Each setting at the table was made, and Alec almost expected twelve different sets of cutlery, but there was merely two, which Alec thought he could manage. There were empty wine glasses and water glasses, a jug of water sitting in the middle with a fresh bouquet of white flowers. There were even serviettes on the plates, not as neat as the rest of the room, but Henry announced, as everyone found their seats, that the boys had helped with their serviettes, and that made all the sense in the world.

Alec ended up sat beside Magnus and Tessa, opposite Gabriel, though there was a decent amount of space across the table that Alec didn’t feel awkward. Henry took one end of the table, and Charlotte would take the other. Conversation was less hectic than it had been in the kitchen, and Alec tried his best to converse with Tessa as Magnus started talking to Cecily opposite him.

“I must have missed it,” Alec began, the kitchen letting in the strong scent of their starter soup as Charlotte and Sophie got to finishing it, “what does everyone do?”

As she informed him, quietly, she rubbed her belly: “So, Jem is a mortician, Henry is a scientist, Sophie does maid work for a big company that hires out maids for the millionaires and billionaires that can’t even count the rooms they have, Gideon works for a charity that gives wishes to sick kids, Gabriel manages his father’s estates, Cece is a vet for horses, and Charlotte’s in politics.”

Alec nodded, trying to remember it all. He had asked to be polite, but he was still trying to remember which kids belonged to who, so he was going to struggle to remember everything else. But he would try.

“And what do you do?” Alec asked.

“Oh, of course,” Tessa said, smiling to herself after having forgotten to tell him her own career. “I’m a college lecturer, I teach history. My speciality is ancient and old medicines.”

“Oh, wow,” Alec said. He was surrounded by successful and intelligent people, and he knew he had a right to be there, amongst them, but it still felt... overwhelming. He managed to keep how overwhelmed he felt from his face, but that didn’t mean he didn’t feel it.

The soups were then brought out, and conversation was quiet as people appreciated the fine cooking Charlotte had done. Alec had never really been a part of a dinner like this. If he had ever met his friends and family for dinner, it wasn’t posh. Alec supposed it could have been posher, there could have been ties and dinner jackets and more courses, but it still felt formal, in a very pleasant, sophisticated sort of way. Alec looked forward to doing this once a month, though he wondered what it would be like when it was their turn to host, and he made a mental note of asking Magnus when it was their turn after today had ended.

After the soups, Charlotte brought out their main meal, which was duck, or a duck substitute for Cecily and Gideon, who were vegetarians. Conversation was livelier, and Alec and Magnus continued to speak to Jem and Tessa about the fact that it was nice for Magnus to have brought someone to these meals again. It had been some time since Magnus had come with a partner, and Alec was glad he had accompanied him despite his nerves.

“It’s nice to finally be able to meet you,” Jem said.

“A couple of people have said that,” Alec said, doing his best to not speak with his mouth full, but he always had difficulty timing speaking alongside chewing. “I didn’t realise he’d spoken about me before; we’ve been keeping it kind of private, and I only told my friends and family last week.”

“Oh, we had no idea you were dating until last week either,” Tessa said. “But we’ve known about you and your bakery for years now.”

“You have?” Alec asked, chancing a glance at Magnus who was decidedly focusing on his food. “Have you been to my bakery?”

“Magnus wouldn’t let us,” Jem said with a smile.

“Why not?”

“He liked the satisfaction of knowing where you were, we think. He was the only one who was allowed to bring us cake, and no matter how often we suggested going there and getting some baked goods when we were out and about, he always had a reason to be the only one who went,” Jem explained.

“It was like he was keeping you for himself,” Tessa said, smiling at Magnus, whose cheeks had gone slightly pink.

“I didn’t know that,” Alec said, wondering at who Magnus really had been when he had been a regular customer. Alec had thought he’d known him so well, but he often found so many nuances and new details, more and more the longer they were together. It was lovely that there was so much to learn, but it meant Magnus was often more a mystery than he had ever thought he could be.

Alec nodded slowly to himself, and looked back to Jem and Tessa, who were smiling brightly. They had revealed something rather sizeable, but perhaps they thought this was just easy conversation. It made Alec wonder how far back Magnus may have had feelings for him.

When it was time for dessert, Alec’s cake was shared around, and Alec wished he had made something more lavish. He could have gone for soufflés or individual, sweet pies. It was iced intricately because he had wanted to show that he was capable of the finer details, but he hadn’t realised just how extravagant the evening would become, or that he was dining at a politician’s house. Alec didn’t voice his concerns, and everyone was incredibly complimentary, but Alec still thought that, for the next meal, he was going to make something fancier.

Following dessert, plates were removed from the table and stacked into the dishwasher, and they were moved to a living room, not the one Alec had seen before, but another that was like those rooms people had in posh houses in the old days. Jace had gone through a minor obsession with _Downton Abbey_ when they had been living together, and it almost felt like those rooms where the men went to smoke after a meal, though it was more updated and less British.

They all gathered into smaller groups, Gabriel and Gideon started to talk, Charlotte and Sophie were off cleaning the kitchen for the moment, so Cecily was talking with Henry, Jem, and Magnus, and Alec found himself standing with Tessa. Everyone, apart from those who were pregnant, had a glass of wine, and the others had a non-alcoholic cocktail. Tessa and Alec stood at the window that looked out onto the back garden. For the most part, Alec couldn’t see outside because it was darker out there than in their current room, but from what he could see, there was a treehouse in an enormous, old tree that sat to the right of the garden, and various toys that hadn’t been cleared up. There seemed to be an extensive flower patch, and Alec could just make out where Matthew had been digging for worms. Little lamps illuminated a gravel path, and Alec was sure it was lovely to spend a warm, summer’s evening out there with night birdsong drifting in the air.

Alec kept trying to think of possible conversation starters, but the only thing he could think of was what Tessa and Jem had been speaking about regarding Magnus keeping the bakery to himself. Alec adored Magnus, every part of him, but there were elements of him he didn’t know that he wanted to know. These people had known him for a long time, some of them even longer than Alec had, and they had known him more deeply as well. He wasn’t going to pry, but sometimes those you loved didn’t tell you everything you needed to know to care for them, and Alec wanted to know some things about Magnus that Magnus might not offer so easily.

“May I ask you something that perhaps I shouldn’t?” Alec asked after a small conversation about Izzy’s cravings.

Tessa sipped at her cocktail and raised her brow, but nodded all the same.

“I get the feeling that Magnus has dated a lot,” Alec began. “I don’t have a problem with it at all, but I only really know about Woolsey, and only a little about Etta and Camille. And I’m just sort of wondering if he has dated as much as I think.”

Tessa tilted her head to the side as she thought, and then she nodded. “I suppose he has.”

“I’m not bothered by someone’s relationship history, it’s just not something he really talks about,” Alec said.

Tessa sighed quietly, resting her hand which held the drink casually against her pregnant belly.

“Don’t feel you have to say anything,” Alec said. “I’m just curious as to why he might have dated a lot.”

“I’m just thinking about what to say,” Tessa said, and she glanced at Magnus, who was engrossed in his conversation with Henry. “He’s had a series of very short but intense relationships over the years. Woolsey’s was the longest, and that didn’t end very well. With Camille, it was... not great. After Camille, he dated a lot, but... it didn’t work. But he’s always trying.”

“To date?”

Tessa nodded.

“Why?” Alec asked, not angry or upset, just insanely curious about where Magnus’ head had been before he had come back into his life. “It’s just, I’ve only had one serious relationship before Magnus, and I’m not someone who really dates and I just want to figure it out. You know, just to… understand it a bit better.”

“For a lot of people, I think, you know when someone loves you. Maybe you do, and that’s why you don’t date. I can’t say for sure about your circumstances, but, and I hope this makes sense, some people need to be loved to feel they are loveable. Does that make sense?”

Alec thought it through for a moment. “So, he needs to date to feel he is... dateable?”

“Exactly,”

Quietly, Alec asked, “Do you think that’s because of his family?”

Tessa sighed again. “He doesn’t talk about his family a lot.”

“No, he really doesn’t.”

“I think his family must have played a part in it,” Tessa said. “But also... Woolsey. They were together a long time, and it was not a pretty breakup.”

“He just doesn’t talk about it very often. Or ever.”

Tessa shrugged. “Maybe he doesn’t want you to see that side of him. I don’t know.”

Alec nodded. He smiled a little. “Was there a lot of relationships?”

Tessa laughed through her nose. “More than ten.”

“Less than twenty?”

Tessa grimaced. “I mean, who’s counting really?”

They laughed lightly together, and Alec carried on with the evening, a small niggling about Magnus’ dating history in the back of his mind, but also enjoying being with all these new people.

Eventually, a little tipsy, they began to leave. Sophie and Gideon were first to go, and Cecily and Gabriel followed shortly. Magnus was in a grand discussion with Henry about something or other, and Alec had to eventually drag Magnus away. Neither of them had to get up early because tomorrow afternoon was Jace and Clary’s baby shower, but he was advised by Tessa that, if he didn’t get Magnus away soon, they would probably be staying the night.

They walked home quietly, hand in hand and both content with how the evening had passed. Alec did still have some questions, but he would try to sleep them off.

However, once they got back to Magnus’ apartment, as it was closer than Alec’s and they were eager for bed, Alec found the questions remained. They each had a glass of water to get rid of the small tipsy feeling, and then they started to get ready for bed as it neared midnight. Alec didn’t want to start anything, and certainly not get Tessa in trouble, but it was there, and just before they went to the bedroom, Alec felt he would not be able to sleep unless he asked.

“Magnus,” Alec said as Magnus had his hand on the doorknob to the bedroom. Magnus looked at him, his face dropping and brow slightly furrowed at Alec’s tone. “Can I just ask you something before we go to bed?”

Magnus moved back from the door and faced Alec. He nodded, but Alec could see the line of tension in his shoulders.

“I know you do love me,” Alec began as he tried to ease his own tension. “I just... I was talking to Tessa, and, I... Is there some part of you dating me because you don’t want to be single?”

Magnus was quiet for a moment, his eyes moving back and forth between Alec’s as he thought. He shook his head. “Did she say...?”

“No, no, no,” Alec said. “No, she just said that you had dated a lot, and... maybe I’m just being paranoid. She wasn’t being rude or invasive, I asked her a question, and that was it. I’m just... I know we’re happy, but it is a concern.”

“Alec, I love you,” Magnus said. He sucked in a breath. He started to walk forward and took Alec’s hand, guiding him to the living area so they could sit down for this. Chairman had greeted them but already gone to bed, so Alec didn’t have to look for him when they sat down. “I have dated a lot; really stupid, meaningless dates and relationships. They fill some part of the void in my chest, but not all of it, and it’s why they never lasted.

“But with you... It feels so different. I feel so... peaceful. I haven’t known peace like it in forever, really. I had been single for about six months before I came to see you, and that might not seem like a lot, but for me, it is. I have been on some dates in those six months, but I haven’t had any relationships. And I haven’t been single like that since Woolsey, so... what I’m trying to do is change how I perceive myself when I’m single, and I’m trying to love myself when I’m not dating, and I really wouldn’t want you to think I’m dating you because of my issues with relationships. I want to be with you for you, not because of my necessity for relationships, which I am trying to change.”

Alec nodded. Their hands were still locked, and Alec took comfort from the feeling of Magnus’ fingers between his own.

“You don’t talk about Woolsey a lot,” Alec said, feeling a little better, but he might need some more reassurance as they continued to date. “And it’s odd to me, because you just seemed so perfect, and I was shocked when you said you had broken up.”

Magnus looked at their locked hands instead of Alec as he thought about Woolsey.

“He was good at it, at being close in public. And, in private, the sex was great, the heat was great, but there wasn’t any real connection, not intimate and emotional. And I just didn’t realise it, and maybe my friends did, I don’t know... I don’t despise him like I did after we broke up, because I really did hate him.

“The thing is, I put in a lot of work with Woolsey because I loved him. I thought he was it for me, I thought we would be together forever, and he was not there, in that same place. And so, I just got in this mindset of thinking, I put so much work in with him because I loved him, and all of my future relationships were a lot of work, and I thought, well, what’s the point of putting in work when the other person can be so... absent without me realising.”

Magnus swallowed thickly, but he still didn’t look Alec in the eye. Alec let him talk.

“And it’s hard for me to be single,” Magnus admitted. “But it is also hard to find people who are right for me. And maybe that’s because I don’t know what I’m looking for. Or because I’ve been looking in the wrong direction.” He looked at Alec and smiled, and Alec let a small smile escape his lips. “Maybe I’m selfish and unlovable, but I’m not dating you because I don’t want to be single, I’m dating you because I think we’re good together?”

“Well, you’re not unlovable,” Alec offered. “And maybe... loving is selfish, but I want to be selfish when I’m with you.” Alec laughed at himself. “If that makes any sense.”

“It does. I want to be selfish with you too.”

It was somewhat affirming, and they kissed gently. Alec knew Magnus had complexities, everyone did, and part of dating was figuring out those complexities, even if you didn’t understand them. Alec knew love was selfish because he had always been selfish in his love for Magnus, and so he would not judge Magnus for his past, and he would help him grow and realise that Magnus was loveable, both as a single man and as a taken man because Magnus was loveable in whatever state he was in.

The next morning, after waking past his usual time, Alec left to get some clothes from his own apartment, and Magnus said he would meet him before they had to leave for the baby shower as he had some things he wanted to gather.

Part of Alec was dreading the baby shower because he hadn’t seen or heard from Jace. He had given him a couple of days like Clary had asked, but nothing had happened yet, and he didn’t feel right being the one to reach out first. Maybe they would get there and be rejected at the door, Alec just couldn’t tell.

Alec got to wrapping the present, eating a late lunch and waiting for time to pass so Magnus might appear and then they could go to Clary and Jace’s house together.

There was a knock on his door, and Alec glanced at his watch, noting that Magnus was about thirty minutes earlier than he said he would be. He shrugged this off as Magnus being overly prepared and always thinking they had to be early so they could plan to be fashionably late.

However, at the door was not Magnus, but Jace instead. Alec stared silently at him as he stood there, the shock rendering him quite quiet.

“Hey,” Alec greeted when he had gotten over the shock. “You all right?”

Jace nodded. “Is Magnus in?”

Alec shook his head. “He’ll be here in about half an hour.”

Jace deemed this acceptable and asked if he could come in. Alec had been semi-prepared for this emotional conversation, but he had thought it would happen at Jace and Clary’s, not at his own apartment.

He offered Jace some coffee, but he declined, and so they sat on the sofas, Alec muting the television that he kept on for background noise.

They were both quiet for a moment, and Alec wasn’t sure if he should initiate the conversation or if he should let Jace do it. Neither of them were really in the wrong, what had happened had simply been an emotional outpouring of shock and fear, and Alec couldn’t say, because of that, who was really meant to speak first.

It ended up being Jace.

“I’m going to go ahead and say that there may have been an overreaction last week,” Jace began. “And I never meant to imply that you were not capable enough to make your own decisions.” He spoke slowly, deliberately, perhaps rehearsed, and Alec listened to each word. “You’re more than family to me, and you’ve never really said what happened between you and Magnus, but we all knew it had to have been awful because you were so… removed from everything. And, sometimes, when someone hurts the people you love, you hate those people more than the person who was hurt, you know.

“And so I always thought, I’m going to be there for Alec, and I’m going to hate Magnus forever because of how he had hurt you.

“And then to see him with you, and he’s saying he’s your boyfriend, and you’d kept it so quiet, which made me think, firstly, he’s kept quiet because he knows what we’re all going to say. Then, secondly, it made me wonder if you’d kept it quiet because it wasn’t going well, or because you felt it was wrong or something like that, and I just… I reacted poorly, but it’s only because I can’t watch you be hurt again.”

He paused, and Alec waited to see if he had anything else to add.

“I know you can make your own decisions,” Jace continued. “But I just don’t want you to be blinded by your own perspective.”

“I understand that,” Alec said. “Maybe I should have mentioned something beforehand, but I did know what everyone was going to think, and I thought I should rip off the Band-Aid, but maybe that was the wrong decision.”

“Well, who can say for sure,” Jace said. “I’m sure the surprise route had its perks, as would the forewarning have had its downsides.”

Alec swallowed. “I’m not going to ask you to be his best friend. But I’ve chosen to be with him, and I want you to be able to at least get along with him. For my sake. You used to.”

“That was before he broke your heart,” Jace said. Alec almost sighed, but Jace said, “But I’m not going to be an ass. Any more than I already am.” He smiled. “If he breaks your heart again, I won’t say ‘I told you so’, but I’ll certainly think it.”

Alec laughed. “I wouldn’t expect any different.”

“But… it’s good with him?”

Alec felt himself smiling in that stupid way people did when they were in love. Alec had never thought he would be one of those people, but now he was. He felt silly, but he was also in love.

“I just… everything was so loud and noisy and obtuse and obnoxious before,” Alec said, quietly. “But with him, it just all feels so quiet and… simple. And the thing is, I didn’t even realise how noisy it was until I saw how quiet it could be.”

“But… isn’t love meant to be noisy?”

Alec shrugged. “I like the quiet.”

It made sense that Clary and Jace were those who thought love should be loud, and Alec was glad that he and Magnus made it quiet. He was also glad he and Jace were okay again. It might take some time for Jace to truly be okay with Magnus, and maybe he never would be completely okay with him, but it would be better now.

In fact, when Magnus arrived at the apartment, a little startled to see Jace there, they had a pleasant and civil conversation. They were both being wary of each other in a way that Alec felt was fair, but it boded well, and Alec was so happy he wasn’t going to have to navigate a world where his best friend and boyfriend could not be in the same room. He wanted it simple, and this made things a lot simpler.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may or may not have noticed that there was a previous Henry in the first part of this story, but I assure you, that Henry was a totally different Henry and not at all used because the first part was written when I didn’t think we’d be getting involved in Magnus’ life and, therefore, is totally not an oversight because I didn’t plan well enough ahead :D x


	7. Agape Love

> “There must be a stronger foundation than mere friendship or sexual attraction. Unconditional love, agape love, will not be swayed by time or circumstances. ”  
> ― Stephen Kendrick, _The Love Dare_

Alec had been at work when he received the call that Clary was in labour. Call might have been the wrong word; it was a series of frantic texts from Jace where most of the words were spelled so wrong, not even autocorrect had helped the message come through. Alec had been able to decipher ‘baby incoming’ and something about Clary not having the best time in terms of contractions, which was indication enough of what was about to pass.

Alec had recently introduced teaching at his bakery, so those members of his staff that wanted to learn how to do more of the baking were signed up for a few months of classes, during their shift, where Alec would teach them his techniques so that future generations might be able to bake his brand of goodies in his absence. He was also about to start teaching classes of beginners and those who were a little more advanced, which would be a great source of income and a wonderful way to spread the joy of baking. He had been surprised by its almost immediate popularity, and he already had a waiting list, which Magnus had praised him for over and over again. Sometimes it was hard to recognise that he was actually a very successful baker and businessman, and Magnus was always doing what he could to remind Alec of that fact.

At the bakery, he was currently teaching Diego for his fifth lesson, and he didn’t want to just leave him high and dry. Labours could take hours, so Alec texted Jace he would swing by after he had finished his lesson, and Jace text back something incoherent.

He text Magnus as well, who was working back at his apartment, sewing something beautiful as he usually was, and Magnus seemed just as excited as Jace. Magnus was a big fan of babies, and whilst Alec didn’t mind them, he didn’t go gooey like some of his nearest and dearest did. Magnus was one of those gooey people.

Once he had finished Diego’s lesson, and they each tried one of the salted caramel cupcakes they had made, Alec said he had to go and left the shop with his capable employees. He did have bread in the oven, but his employees were capable enough to remove bakes when the timers went off, so Alec did not fear. He also had much larger things to think about, which was the fact he was about to become a godfather.

The pleasant, and now memorable, walk to Magnus’ apartment was with a lighter step than usual. Jace and Clary were about to be parents, he was about to be a godfather, and he was dating someone he loved more than he could explain. They weren’t living together yet, but Alec could see it happening sometime soon. They were both always so busy, but Alec would try to make time for that step in their relationship. It meant having to possibly give up his apartment above the bakery, and that was going to be strange. But it was necessary and right, and Alec thought it would be great to live with Magnus. They already did spend so much time together, it only made sense to bring his stuff to Magnus’ apartment, making it _their_ apartment.

He used his key to get in once he was up the elevator, which Magnus had given him a couple of weeks ago, and he heard the sewing machine going even when he was outside the door. Once he stepped inside, he found Magnus sat at the machine, working on some mint green fabric, wearing his glasses that Alec had always found simultaneously very sweet and incredibly arousing at the same time.

The machine was so loud, he didn’t hear Alec come through the door, so Alec made his way over to him after hanging up his jacket, and squeezed Magnus’ shoulder gently. It still made Magnus jump, but thankfully he wasn’t sewing, because Alec would feel awfully guilty if he messed up what he was working on. Alec leaned down and kissed Magnus on the cheek before Magnus smiled and pushed up his glasses. Alec glanced at the clock and thought that, whilst they did have time for a quickie, they probably shouldn’t. Those glasses just sent Alec a little giddy. He supposed he was into his thirties, kinks changed with age.

“Are we heading down now?” Magnus asked, also glancing at the clock, though his thoughts likely weren’t where Alec’s were.

“I might jump in the shower,” Alec said. He always smelled like bread when he’d been at work, and he hadn’t realised just how much until he went somewhere else that wasn’t the bakery or his apartment. Now he was dating Magnus, that was quite often.

Magnus nodded.

“What are you making?” Alec asked. He looked at the mint fabrics, and wondered at how Magnus made sense of patterns and fabrics and colours.

“A onesie,” Magnus explained. “I started it once I heard she was in labour, but I’m going to wait until we know her name before I give it to them. I want it personalised.”

“You work fast,” Alec said, and Magnus smiled. He kissed Magnus on the lips before he jumped in the shower, Magnus continuing to sew in the meantime.

Clary was in her third hour of labour by the time Alec had dried his hair and changed, and by the time Magnus had put on a bit of makeup and dressed up for the occasion as well. Magnus was always looking for an excuse to dress up, claiming today that the baby had to see him looking good when she first saw him. Although Alec said she might not even be awake, Magnus said that was totally irrelevant.

When they got to the hospital after catching a cab and sitting in early rush hour traffic, they met Jonathan and Thomas, whom Magnus had met at the baby shower a few weeks previous. There was zero animosity between them because Jonathan couldn’t have animosity for the devil, and Alec was glad because Jonathan was a big part of his life still. Alec text Jace to say he was here, and then they were waiting. Luke appeared from the corridor about twenty minutes later, carrying coffee for Jonathan and Thomas. Alec asked if Sebastian might make an appearance, but was informed that he had moved to England with Valentine, his father, and hadn’t responded to the texts that his sister was about to give birth. Jonathan only thought the best and was sure both Sebastian and Valentine would like to be updated and were likely busy and maybe even asleep given the time difference, and no one said anything despite everyone thinking this wasn’t likely the case.

It was another hour and a half before Clary gave birth, and they still had to wait until she was moved into a visiting suite. When she was moved, they all made their way to Clary’s room, eager to see this little, fresh bundle of life. Luke had brought flowers and Jonathan had brought a little teddy that had this red ribbon around his neck, tied in a sweet bow. Magnus said quietly to Alec that he wished he had brought the onesie now, but Alec said they wouldn’t think anything of not having a gift. Their gift was the baby they now had.

Inside, Clary was reclined with a barrage of pillows surrounding her. Jace was sat by her side, holding a coffee. Jocelyn was arranging some balloons that screamed, ‘It’s a girl!’ and ‘congratulations’ across them. In Clary’s arms lay this bundle of blankets that now held a new life.

They all gathered into the room, eager to see this young thing. Clary was glowing, though there did also appear to be a sheen to her skin that might have come via the effort of birthing a baby, but she was beaming. Alec couldn’t quite make out the round face of the new-born through all the folds of the blanket that kept the little girl warm, but he was sure she was cute. Alec was not of the opinion that babies were the cutest thing on the planet like some people were. They were always quite red and they had a lot of folds, but he was constantly being told they were cute, so he kept that thought in mind. He did not, however, go gooey like Magnus immediately did. She was about to be his goddaughter, so he was sure he would love her even if he didn’t entirely think all babies were cute.

After everyone had settled, Clary lowered her daughter so she was more visible and said, “I’d like to introduce you all to Emma.”

Young Emma was currently asleep, and she was less red than Alec had been expecting. Her little face was scrunched up, eyes shut tight and her hands tucked up near her face. Maybe Alec didn’t think all babies were the cutest thing in the world, but she was a perfect little creature and Alec already loved her.

She was passed to Luke first, who was also instantly in love, and then to Alec, her godfather. She was tiny. Alec couldn’t ever imagine having been that small. It didn’t make sense for a person to be that little. She yawned once settled into Alec’s arms, and his heart just about broke.

Jonathan peered over Alec’s shoulder, and Alec could feel the pride radiating from him. “I’m going to call Seb and dad. They’ll want to know she’s healthy.” Alec glanced at him and saw his radiant smile. He felt the room shift, but no one said anything. “What’s her middle name?”

“Céline,” Clary answered as Jonathan put the teddy bear on the table beside her bed. Clary smiled, but Alec could see the hesitation.

“That’s lovely,” Jonathan said. “Emma Céline Wayland. I’ll give them a call now.” Jonathan left swiftly after he brought his phone out. No one said anything, but they were all, for the most part, aware of the fact neither Sebastian nor Valentine would pick up, and that it had little to do with the time difference to the UK.

Magnus peered over Alec’s other shoulder, and he released this contented sigh. When Alec glanced at him, Magnus’ eyes might as well have been hearts. He had this relaxed smile, and he put his hand on the small of Alec’s back, and Alec was suddenly thinking about his own desire for marriage, and children, for cots and sleepless nights, first steps and teddy bears. He had wanted that for a long while but knew he wouldn’t likely get to adopt as a single, homosexual man, and so that idea had disappeared quietly from his aspirations.

But he slowly felt it returning. Sure, he and Magnus hadn’t been dating for that long, not even a year yet, and they weren’t living together either, but given where they had started and how strong they were as a couple, it felt like possibility. They would have much more chance if they were married, and that was still an event that would take a while to surface, but it was plausible. Holding little Emma and having Magnus at his back, it solidified that plausibility and made him realise that he did still want that future.

He passed Emma to Magnus who looked like he was the happiest he had ever been, and Alec watched him, thinking about how wonderful Magnus would be as a father. If they could continue to be this strong, maybe it would be a part of their future. There was just something about the image of Magnus, dressed stylishly with his perfected, pretty winged eyeliner and holding this new life with the utmost of love in his eyes, it pulled at his heart. It was different to the pull that happened when Magnus was wearing his glasses, but there was no reason they couldn’t get up to that as well, it just wouldn’t make a baby.

Eventually, after little Emma had done the rounds and Luke held her again, Jonathan came back in saying he’d left messages for both Sebastian and Valentine but that it was likely they were asleep, and then he held his niece. They didn’t remain for much longer because Clary needed to rest, as did Emma, who had failed to wake for them, but she had had quite the exhausting journey and no one blamed her for sleeping through all the transferring between so many arms.

When they returned home, late that evening, Magnus got to work on embroidering Emma’s name onto her onesie. Alec was still thinking of babies even when he started to cook a late dinner for them both. The sound of the sewing machine was like white noise as he cooked their meal, thinking about what it might be like to have a baby with the man he loved. Of course, it was still obscenely early in their relationship, but he had wanted a family for years and just sort of given up on that as an idea. But now, he was in a stable relationship, and Magnus clearly adored children, so he no longer needed to give up on it, even if it might still be a short while before they had their own children in their lives.

They sat down for dinner, Alec managing to tear Magnus away from the sewing machine so they could eat, and they got to talking about Emma. Alec imagined she would be a topic for a while.

“When will she be home?” Magnus asked, wondering when he might be able to gift the onesie he had made.

“Tomorrow, I think,” Alec said. “She’s gonna have a couple days at home, and then we’ll go visit them this weekend if you’re free.”

“If I’ve got a couple of days then, I might make some more onesies for her. Maybe even some socks…” Magnus said, getting lost in thoughts of fabric and sewing. “Are you baking something?”

Alec nodded. “Maybe a few things. Clary’s cravings might be less erratic now, so maybe she’ll like the cakes she used to like.”

Magnus laughed through his nose, and they ate quietly for a moment.

Then, “Do you like being a godfather?”

Alec nodded. “It feels like it will be a lot of responsibility, but I would do anything for Jace and Clary, and she’s… lovely.”

“And what do you think about being… a father?” Magnus asked. “I remember you saying you did want to be one, but I wonder if that’s changed.”

“I gave up on the idea, I think,” Alec said. “It would be difficult as a single father who was also running his own business. So, that’s an issue, I suppose. And I know the waiting lists can be long.”

“But if you were married?”

“Are you implying something?” Alec asked with a cocked brow.

Magnus laughed but shrugged at the same time. “I wouldn’t say it was out of the question.”

Alec nodded, and wondered at what it might be like if they were married. He supposed he had always thought about it when he was crushing on him hard all those years ago, but he hadn’t ever thought it might come true. It was a concrete possibility now, particularly with Magnus bringing it up over dinner about a conversation regarding children and adoption. Conversations were just conversations, something more solid would have to come one day, but it was still early in their relationship and neither wanted to move too quickly. But their future was there, perhaps even within touching distance.

“And, say it was in the question,” Magnus continued, picking up his glass of wine and swirling it lightly, “how many might you want?”

Alec looked at him, a slight smirk coming to his lips. “How many?”

“Well, say you and I were to marry, it would be easier for us to determine how many we would want than say... if we had to make them ourselves,” Magnus said. “If you get my meaning.”

“Adoption?”

“Or surrogacy, but yes, adoption is easier to determine,” Magnus said. “Have you thought about how many you want?”

Alec supposed he had subconsciously, but only because he had come to realise what he didn’t want; he didn’t want the big age gap like there had been between him and Max, he didn’t want to be overrun with too many, and he didn’t want one because he’d heard plenty of stories about children being lonely. They might have a lot of cousins and friends given his friends were all currently with child and how many children Magnus’ friends had, but he liked the idea of siblings. He supposed what he was left with was two or three. He wasn’t set on boys or girls like some people were, but he had a rough idea of how many.

“Two, maybe three,” Alec answered.

Magnus nodded like he agreed with this number.

It was odd how lovely it was to speculate about this with Magnus, the man he had been in love with for longer than anything in his life, almost half of it at this point. If he had ever dreamed about talking like this with him, he had only ever imagined it to be a dream. The wishes of marriage and children had left him and he had forced himself to be content with being single, when he supposed that had always been a lie.

Those wishes were returning, and more solid than ever now, and speculating like this, so freely and with an actual possibility in the future, it was so freeing and sweet. Magnus might, very well, be his husband and then a father to his children. That had only ever been a dream for so long, an impossibility, an untouchable mist. But it was solidifying now, and Alec felt that, maybe, he had endured and now he got to receive the reward. Years of pining and aching, maybe now he got to be free.

They spoke a little more about babies and children, lightly and ambiguously, a slight pondering at their future, and went to bed quite content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may or may not have given three separate characters the name ‘Emma’ at this point because of a lack of forward-thinking, but hey, let’s just say it’s a very common name x


	8. Miraculous

> “To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow - this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.”  
> ― Elizabeth Gilbert, _Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage_

It was only a short time later when Izzy’s baby was born. Alec was again at work, but this was not unusual because Alec was always either at work or at Magnus’ apartment, it was incredibly rare to find him anywhere else.

There was a different sort of feeling inside Alec once he had gotten the call that Izzy was in labour because, although he was not to be godfather, he was going to be an uncle. He would love Emma unconditionally, both because he was her godfather and because she was the daughter of some of his dearest friends, but to have a baby that was going to be connected to him by blood, that brought on a new feeling of responsibility.

When he got back to the apartment, Magnus was in the middle of making a onesie for the little Lightwood-Lewis, in this pretty, lemon colour. He was going to embroider this one as well, but he had felt so guilty about not bringing a gift when Clary was in the hospital, they had bought a couple of things for Izzy. They had gotten some purple columbines, Izzy’s favourite flowers, and this teddy bear that was quite enormous, but so soft, Alec couldn’t stop rubbing his cheek or hand against it as he held it in the cab on the way to the hospital.

Izzy was in labour for far longer than Clary had been. Waiting alongside Alec and Magnus was just Maryse. Their father, stepmother and their two children were currently on the way via plane, which hadn’t been intentional, they were already flying over and it was timed well enough for Izzy’s due date. She was a couple of days early, but Maryse had texted him whilst he was in the air, and he had just landed and would be on the way to visit his daughter, though Alec was quietly convinced he would find some way to get out of it.

Max and his still-fiancé, Will, had jumped on a plane the second Simon had messaged him, so they wouldn’t arrive super timely, but would be there for when Izzy and Simon returned home with the baby. Magnus would finally be meeting the rest of his family, and Alec told him as much once his mother had mentioned Max and Will were on their way.

When Maryse went off to get them all their third coffee, Izzy still in the midst of labour, Alec looked at Magnus, who was now holding the bear and had shortly woken from a quick nap. It was about the sixth hour of waiting, and Alec wondered if they should head home and return in the morning, but it had been six hours, they might as well wait a bit longer. Izzy was his sister after all.

“I feel bad to say you’re finally meeting the rest of my family when I haven’t met a single one of yours,” Alec said, reaching over to loosely take Magnus’ hand, their arms resting on the chairs'. They were surrounded by various folk, some with teddy bears, flowers as well, balloons held by young children, or being bounced on grandparents’ knees. There were also lots of people napping as it was almost midnight. Alec wondered if his niece or nephew would arrive tonight or tomorrow.

“Well, you are entirely welcome to take a flight to Indonesia to be rejected at the door,” Magnus said, a lightness to his tone that did not fit the sentiment at hand. “And I think my father is somewhere in Spain, or perhaps Germany with whatever young thing he’s found to sit on his arm, or lap, so that might be even more difficult.”

“Will I never meet them?”

Magnus shrugged. “My father, possibly, but he travels to the US less and less nowadays, and he doesn’t always visit whenever he is here.”

“And your siblings?”

“My eldest sister still lives in Indonesia, but my brother now lives in Dubai with his wife, and they’ve got some extravagant company over there, something in jewellery. My other sister is in China with her husband, and Murni is still living with my mother and step-father, so you might be able to meet a few of them in Indonesia, but I am not often invited for family reunions. In fact, the last time I was invited to a family gathering was about a decade ago, and they had timed it well enough that I wasn’t even able to make it, so.” He shrugged with one shoulder.

Alec squeezed his hand. “When was the last time you spoke to them?”

“I haven’t spoken to my brother since I left. My eldest sister… I said congratulations over the phone when she had her last kid about four years ago now. I spoke to Murni a couple of weeks ago, and then Setiawati, a couple of years ago when I said congratulations on her marriage, to which I was not invited.”

Alec swallowed. “And your parents?”

“My step-father, again when I left, just like my brother. My mother was a couple years ago, about my sister’s marriage, I called to check in on how everything was going because, as I said, I hadn’t been invited. I spoke to my father last week because he had been planning to visit but got caught up in… I think it’s Spain he’s in, I really can’t be sure.”

“I thought you were close to your younger sisters though, why weren’t you invited to the wedding?”

“She wanted to, but my stepfather wouldn’t allow it.”

“I’m sorry.”

Magnus smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I’ve been dealing with it for three decades; it doesn’t hurt as much anymore.”

“Would you invite them to your wedding?”

“Yeah. Even my stepfather. I think my mother would like to come, but I don’t know if she’ll be allowed. My brother wouldn’t, and neither would my eldest sister, but my other two sisters might.”

“I’d like to meet some of them… If you want, and if it’s ever possible.”

Magnus smiled and nodded, but Alec got the feeling it wouldn’t often be possible.

Maryse brought the coffees back and they drank to keep up some energy, but it soon passed midnight, and even though they were full of caffeine, Alec nodded off, resting his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder.

About two hours later, Simon was shaking him awake. Alec jolted, his empty coffee cup falling to the floor and startling Magnus awake as well. Simon’s hair was on ends and his glasses were slightly skewwhiff. His eyes were wider than normal and there were deep crescents built beneath his eyes, but he was also beaming.

“Come, see,” Simon said as he went to his mother-in-law, tentatively shaking her awake.

They followed Simon through the halls, Magnus holding the bear and Alec holding the flowers, Maryse bearing nothing because she felt she had done quite enough at the baby shower.

Inside the hospital room, Izzy was sat upright, holding this bundle of blankets like she wanted to hold nothing else ever again. Little hands moved and shuffled, this young thing already quite awake. They gathered into the room as Izzy beamed, her hair touched with sweat and her eyes slightly glazed. It was well past two in the morning, but a beautiful thing had occurred.

Once everyone had gathered and caught a small glimpse of this little thing, who was wide awake and had the biggest, brownest eyes Alec had ever seen, Izzy said, “This is our baby boy.”

“A boy!?” Maryse exclaimed, clapping her hands and beaming. “What is his name?”

“Julian,” Izzy said. “Julian Levi, after Simon’s father.”

Alec glanced at Simon, who put a hand on Izzy’s shoulder, and they looked at their son with only love and a fierce protection.

They spent a short time together, Alec passing over the bear, which Izzy absolutely loved, and the flowers as well. Robert messaged, saying he would be by in the morning as he had only just got to their apartment, which did not surprise Alec whatsoever. Max and Will were still in the air, so they all left, bidding Izzy, Simon, and Julian a good night, and they collapsed into their beds once they arrived at Magnus’ apartment.

When they went to Izzy and Simon’s house a few days later, Izzy hosting a small gathering because she loved being a host, even if she had recently given birth, Magnus met the other members of Alec’s family. Somehow, Izzy looked perfect. No one would have faulted her if she wasn’t as stick thin as she had been before she was pregnant, or if her hair was a little messy, or if she was a little gaunt and falling asleep at every turn, but she wasn’t. She hadn’t put on much weight when she was pregnant, always exercising, eating well and ignoring any awful cravings, so, once her belly had gone down, as it already had, you wouldn’t be able to notice that she had been pregnant at all. Her hair was perfectly styled, and she was even wearing makeup. Izzy was nothing if not always her version of presentable.

At the house, it was decorated with flowers and banners that were hand painted with ‘It’s a boy!’ and ‘Welcome to the world, Julian Levi Lightwood-Lewis’, and there were guests dressed very nicely for this warm, summer’s day in dresses and fancy shirts.

Simon greeted Magnus and Alec at the door, Magnus bearing five different onesies, and Alec with some of Izzy and Simon’s favourite cupcakes and a red velvet sponge because Izzy, whilst great at avoiding sugar, could not avoid a red velvet cake. They walked through their pristine house and put the cakes and clothes with the other pile of presents. She had already had quite the extensive baby shower, but everybody loved Isabelle, and so she got more presents today. Alec wondered if there would be a public opening. Most of these weren’t wrapped, but Izzy was a gracious gift-receiver always.

There were gaggles of people already together, small groups of about three or four, drinking champagne or non-alcoholic juices. Alec wondered if food was to be served today, and thought Izzy had likely planned for it. She was always planning, and her plans were always perfect.

They found Izzy standing with Clary and Jace, who was holding little Emma, soundly asleep in his arms. She seemed to be a perfect baby, and Alec wondered how they had managed to luck out with a peaceful child given they were both as chaotic as people could be.

Alec hugged his sister, and Magnus kissed her on each cheek.

“Dad’s going to be a little late, but he will be here,” Izzy promised after they had said hello.

“Is Annamarie coming?”

Izzy nodded. “And the kids.”

Although they were their stepsiblings, they both still had problems calling them brother and sister. Max managed it a little better, but Alec and Izzy just had a problem with it. Perhaps it was because their age difference was bigger than that of Max’s, but Alec wasn’t sure. Maybe Max just had an easier relationship with their parents as well, with their divorce, Alec might never know, but he was feeling a little too old to analyse it nowadays.

“And Max and Will are in?” Alec asked.

“Not at the moment. They popped out to get some more food. I didn’t realise just how many guests we’d have this morning.”

“And where is little Julian?” Magnus asked. He loved babies, and Alec smiled at his eager nature.

“Asleep right now.” She sighed. “I thought he’d be as lovely and quiet as Emma, but he seems to be a nocturnal creature.”

Jace laughed. “How fun.”

“I don’t think I’ve managed three consistent hours of sleep these past few days. I feel awful for Max and Will, Jules’ room is right beside theirs but… oh well.” She looked pretty great for having so little sleep. “I do have some paperwork I need you to sign though, Alec.”

“Paperwork?”

“It’s about being next of kin and all that. I know you’re not godfather, but you are still next of kin. And then it’s Jordan and Maia, and then George and Beatriz.”

Alec nodded. He felt no issue at not being godfather, he was already uncle and was going to be as active as he could in his nephew’s life as if he might be a godfather.

Then he stilled. “George?” he asked.

Izzy nodded and smiled, somewhat knowingly.

“Lovelace?” Alec asked.

Izzy nodded again.

“I keep forgetting you guys are that close,” Alec said. “Last time I saw him must have been at your wedding. I didn’t even know he’d gotten married.”

“He’s been in Scotland the past four-ish years, but he and Beatriz have taken some jobs in the US.”

“Do I know George?” Magnus asked.

“Not really,” Alec said. “We were set up a few years ago. You met him very briefly.”

“I did?”

“He came into the bakery after our date… He’d dropped his keys.”

Magnus took a moment to think and then smiled. “I vaguely remember the accent. Is he here today?”

“He is,” Izzy clarified. She went to say something else but the baby monitor she was wearing on her hip like some sort of walkie talkie started crying. Instead of sighing like Alec was sure she wanted to, she merely straightened up and said she had somewhere to be. They watched her leave, and then Alec and Magnus fussed over Emma until Max and Will arrived.

As they lived in LA, it had been months since he had seen them. Alec was always jolted by how grownup he was now, a career in his hands, and tall, almost as tall as Alec though his spurt hadn’t quite gotten him to six foot. His glasses finally fit his face, and he had a confidence to himself that he hadn’t had in his youth.

Will was Will, as ever. He had the confidence of an actor, and a grooming that also shouted how much his appearance mattered. Alec would have never imagined that this was the kind of person Max wanted to date, but he supposed they did suit. Where Max was quiet, Will was loud, and where Max was shy, Will was confident, where Max was quietly funny, Will was loudly that way. He was sure many of their evenings were spent with Will reading scripts and Max illustrating, quietly in each other’s company and eternally comforted.

There were the general introductions, and Max even said to Magnus, “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“I’m sure you have,” Magnus said with a knowing smile. They caught up, and talked about how Max and Will might get married next year, but they’d be saying that forever now and Alec quietly believed they might be engaged forever. Maybe when Will was attending the Oscars they might have enough time to plan a wedding, but they were always busy, and choosing venues and flowers and suits never seemed a priority.

Jules was brought around for introductions, awake where Emma was still asleep, and Alec held his nephew for a short while but was sure he was on demand and made sure others got the chance to hold him. He would have plenty of opportunity to hold his nephew, but Max would not.

There were a few other babies about as well as pregnant bellies. Maia was heavily pregnant, Maureen was freshly showing, and Aline and Helen had recently adopted twins, which Alec could be sure was quite exhausting. Eventually, when he spotted George, he saw that Beatriz was showing a pregnant belly as well. There truly must have been something in the water, Alec thought to himself, as he and George hugged, zero animosity between them.

Magnus commented that Alec had managed to only date the loveliest of people, and Alec felt a pang of guilt for what he had put them through, but tried not to linger on that pang. Instead, he waited for his father’s arrival, and only felt a further pang when he arrived. Jesse was walking in front of his father, Annamarie was carrying Grace on her hip, and her belly was slightly swollen as well. Alec did not think his father should be having any more children, but given Annamarie wasn’t that much older than Alec, she was still wholly able to have kids, even if it meant the age difference was only growing. Alec held no ill will towards the children, but it did add further strain to his relationship with his father.

The kids wanted a first look at their own nephew, and Alec thoroughly tried not to think about how Jules was going to have an aunt or uncle that was younger than him. Izzy took a seat on one of the swinging chairs they had beneath their old oak tree, and Alec took Magnus over to introduce him to his father, and this other part of his family, a very distant and cracked part.

Robert watched them approach after having held his grandson in his arms and then passed him back to Izzy, and Alec steeled his nerves. Even though Alec was much older now, there was something about his father’s disapproval that still felt uncomfortable in his heart. He knew his father might never accept the fact that two of his children cared for men where he wished they would care for women, but he hoped he would accept Magnus. It didn’t truly matter if he didn’t, but he still didn’t like disappointing his parents.

There was an awkward hug between Alec and Robert, and Alec merely smiled at Annamarie, whom he’d never formed a strong relationship with. Jesse stumbled over, dressed in a little bow tie, and asked for a hug, to which Alec obliged because Jesse was sweet and Alec loved him, even if he couldn’t say that he was his brother. He knelt and felt Jesse’s little arms wrap around his neck, and Alec squeezed him tight.

“Uh, dad, this is Magnus, my boyfriend,” Alec introduced after he had stood, and they shook hands.

“Mr. Lightwood,” Magnus said, standing tall.

Robert did not say that Magnus could call him Robert, and Alec did not expect it. Instead, Alec continued, “And this is Annamarie, my stepmother. And this is little Jesse, and that’s Grace.”

Magnus waved at Jesse, who beamed and ran back to his mother, scrambling up beside Izzy and looking down at Jules with an intense curiosity. Grace, who was still shy in her toddler years, clung further to her mother and looked out at Magnus with one eye, beginning to suck her thumb until Robert told her to stop.

“What do you do for a living, Magnus?” Robert asked, eyeing him with just a hint of caution. It took a lot to gain Robert’s approval, and Alec doubted Magnus could ever do enough to gain such a thing. Alec still didn’t have it, not really.

“I’m in fashion,” Magnus answered. “I design clothes.”

“Then how did you meet Alec?” Robert asked. Alec heard the undercurrent of that question being that Alec was an entirely unfashionable man, but maybe Magnus didn’t understand that.

“At the bakery,” Magnus said. “It’s a wonderful shop. I’m sure you think the same.”

“I haven’t been there that often,” Robert commented.

“Or at all,” Alec added. “But that’s all right.”

Robert swallowed thickly. Perhaps this wasn’t the time for family drama, but Alec couldn’t help but be bitter.

“And where are you from?” Robert asked.

“New York,” Magnus said, pointedly.

“And before that?” The microaggression in that question was probably missed by Alec’s father, but Alec was horrified at it and would apologise so profusely to Magnus when they were away from him.

Magnus took a short pause to let that sink in before he said, “Indonesia. But my father raised me in the States after I turned six.”

“So you’re not really from New York, then.”

“I call New York home.”

“Mm,” Robert hummed. Alec wished he had stayed with Clary, Jace, and Emma instead.

“Would you like to hold Jules again?” Izzy interjected before it got any icier. “I have to go do more rounds and I’m sure you’d like to hold your grandson some more. I don’t know when you’re going home.”

Robert nodded and accepted Jules into his arms, sitting next to Annamarie and Jesse. Alec and Magnus also took that as their cue to leave, hurrying off to somewhere easier, a quiet spot of the garden, alone.

“I can only apologise,” Alec said, rubbing his face.

Magnus smiled and shook his head. “I was expecting worse. My father is not a shining example either, and you will see that when you meet him.”

“Will I meet him?”

“One day, I promise,” Magnus assured, reaching out and taking Alec’s hand. “It might be just as fun as that was. But we are in this together.”

Alec nodded. They joined everyone after a few moments together, quietly observing and Alec telling Magnus about who was here and which person was who, and it was a lovely afternoon that turned to evening that turned to night. Izzy gushed over the onesies, and immediately ate one of the cupcakes, and eventually everyone left so they could deal with restless Jules. They said goodbye to their family, a longer and more meaningful goodbye to Max and Will than to Robert, though they gave big hugs to Jesse and Grace, and then they were gone.

Alec found it quite miraculous that Magnus still wanted to be fully invested in him after meeting his father and after the small, minor animosity that radiated off Jace, though the latter was improving. Either that was telling to what kind of family Magnus had, or it showed that Magnus was invested, that he loved Alec for every part of him, including his dysfunctional and cracked family. As Alec would love Magnus in spite of whatever was going on with his family, that appeared the same in reverse, and Alec rather adored that.


	9. Bittersweet

> “Memories, even bittersweet ones, are better than nothing.”  
> ― Jennifer L. Armentrout, _Onyx_

The months rolled by, and Alec was constantly sent updates about Emma and Julian as they passed milestones, and Magnus seemed to love the updates more than Alec did. He was constantly asking if Alec had any new pictures or any news, and Alec always said that, the second he heard anything, he would tell him, but Magnus still always asked. He loved going to visit, as he loved visiting his own friends with their babies and kids about.

When they both grew out of the onesies Magnus had made them, the pair of parents were apologetic, but Magnus was delighted and said to keep them, and instantly made them some more. He claimed he would, when he had enough, make them a blanket out of their old onesies. They seemed to love that idea, and Alec wondered how Magnus had the time to make onesies for Julian, Emma and all of the other kids in his life whilst also working on his actual career, but he made it work. He was so speedy as he read patterns, made patterns, sewed, finished garments, and Alec got so very used to the sound of the sewing machine as he stood in the kitchen, speaking easily to Magnus across the way.

As they rolled into the colder months, Alec got a call from his mother that was sobering in a way he had not anticipated. She had called to say that she had finally mustered it within herself to move out of the house she was living in and take a smaller place instead. She no longer needed all the spare rooms, not with all her children having moved out, and she had found a new home she would be moving into after Christmas. Therefore, she was inviting Alec, Izzy, and Max to claim anything they still had at the house, take any furniture they might want, and that everything else was going to be discarded.

Alec hadn’t lived there in well over a decade, but it was his childhood home. Maryse and Robert had moved in after they had gotten married, so Alec had grown up there. He couldn’t imagine what it was like to have a house that was once full of children then be so empty, but he had come to associate his childhood with that house, no matter how bittersweet those memories could be at times. To think that it would no longer be there to visit, it was odd.

Just before his and Magnus’ first year anniversary and the day before Magnus’ birthday, Alec was struck with an idea. He had moved in bits and pieces to Magnus’ apartment over the last few months; he had clothes there now, baking equipment, recipe books, some of his fake potted plants, but they weren’t officially living together even though Alec often retired to Magnus’ apartment at the end of his work day. He wondered if maybe this push, the removal of the minor amount of things that remained at his childhood home, might be enough for them to make it an official move. He was going to keep the apartment if Magnus was okay with that idea, only because it was so convenient and, if any disaster should strike and he needed to spend a night at the bakery, he could stay at the apartment instead of disturbing Magnus. He could rent it to a member of staff, and he was thinking of Diego who had recently broken up with fiancée as he held a managerial position and taught other members of the staff baking after having excelled at his own lessons. If it sat well with Diego, that might be an option.

Over dinner the night before Magnus’ birthday, which they were going to spend with Magnus’ friends, holding a dinner party and then a buffet in the evening for the kids at Charlotte’s house, Alec thought he should ask Magnus. It wasn’t really going to change much because they practically lived together anyway, but it still made him nervous to ask the question. He had only had one serious relationship, and Jonathan had been the one to initiate the move. Alec didn’t think Magnus would reject him, but his lack of experience in relationships still made him jittery when it came to certain milestones.

“So, my mum’s moving out of our childhood house after Christmas, but she wants us to pack up as soon as possible,” he began, swirling his wine glass and looking, intermittently, at Magnus. “And I was just wondering if, instead of moving it into the bakery, what if I moved it here instead?”

Magnus looked at Alec, brow raised. “Move in here?”

“Is that okay? Is it not the right time?”

“Of course it is!” Magnus assured. “I mean, I practically call you roomie anyway, but I would love that. After Christmas as well?”

“Yeah. We’d pack it all up, if you wanted to come help, but I’d have to wait until after the winter rush. I was thinking, if it was all right with you, I’d still like to keep the apartment. It’s just so… convenient.”

Magnus nodded. “I’m sure we could work something out.”

“I have a colleague who’s just broken up with his fiancée,” Alec said, referencing Diego.

“You seem to know a few of those,” Magnus said with a smile. “Are you a little in love with him as well?”

Alec gave him a look that was lined with humour. Then he shrugged. “Maybe. Perhaps I’m saying he can rent the apartment so we can have a secret love affair.”

“Oh, that sounds pleasant,” Magnus joked, crossing his arms and smiling. “Not so secretive now though.”

“Slip of the tongue.”

Magnus laughed through his nose but agreed with the idea.

They spent Magnus’ birthday surrounded by friends and children, and then spent their anniversary, the day after, making a little love and Alec baking another cake as the birthday cake he had made had been entirely demolished the day before. Magnus was obviously one of those people that had to do the most for an anniversary, and Alec had woken up to flowers and chocolate. They had decided on a budget for the gifts they bought, but it was clear Magnus had completely ignored that. The budget was there because Alec’s birthday had been a couple of months previous, which Magnus had spent a bomb on to get Alec a new silver watch, because Magnus’ birthday was in December, as was their anniversary, as was Christmas where they had a large gaggle of friends and plenty of children to buy for. Magnus loved spending money, and Alec did his best to reign him in, but found that it was near impossible to reign Magnus Bane in.

When he saw Diego next, Alec brought up the apartment idea with him, and he jumped at the opportunity. Alec wouldn’t charge him anything extortionate, just a portion of rent because it might have made things a touch tight if he didn’t. Alec moved his stuff into the smaller room, which he would keep for bakery use, and then he moved some other stuff into Magnus’ apartment. It was an unofficial move because Christmas was oncoming and Alec was baking more than ever, business always raging at this time of year.

He did manage, with Diego’s help, to get away one Saturday to pack up his things. When Maryse actually moved after Christmas, they would hire a moving van for any of the larger items they picked out today. For now, it was just getting everything out that they could because Maryse loved planning ahead.

The second they arrived, Maryse was dragging Magnus into a conversation about an interesting fashion trend she had heard about coming from Paris. She seemed a great fan of Magnus’, which was actually for the best. It was one thing having to worry what his friends would feel when they looked at Magnus and Alec’s relationship, but if Maryse didn’t like Magnus, that would be an entire other thing. Thankfully, she did like Magnus, and Alec would smile to himself as Maryse made them coffee and asked Magnus about Indonesia and fashion, and which colours she should be wearing this season.

When she freed Magnus from a conversation about her favourite autumnal colours, which surprised Alec because he hadn’t realised just how into fashion Maryse had been, Alec took Magnus upstairs. He gave a short tour, but he really found that, given much of the house was already packed up, there wasn’t much to talk about. In the spare room, which had been Max’s before he moved into Alec’s room, he found his three boxes of things. He wasn’t sure there would be much to keep, but he wanted to remain in the house for as long as possible because this would be the last time he got to be here.

He had actually thought all of his things have been thrown away, so it wouldn’t take long to sort through these boxes. When Maryse had mentioned them, she had given the impression she was surprised they were still here as well. It wasn’t much, but Alec hadn’t come just to sort through this stuff, he was here to say goodbye to the house. Maybe his childhood hadn’t been perfect, but he had grown up here and it would be strange to say goodbye, knowing he wouldn’t see it again.

In the first box, he found a few old pictures, some framed, some not. There were bent corners and worn edges, but Magnus had such a lovely time looking through the photos and gushing over how cute Alec had been when he was younger. There were also some drawings he had done as a child, and Alec smiled to himself and these sweet memories that came back to him.

In the second box, there were various schoolbooks, papers from high school that he thought would likely need to be thrown out. If he hadn’t needed them in all this time, he certainly wouldn’t need them in the future. It was mainly papers he would sort through properly when he was elsewhere. He might take them with him today for he didn’t think he was going to be in this room for long. He would spend the majority of his time saying goodbye to the house.

The third box held some of the fonder memories of his. On top was his teddy bear that he had sort of forgotten about. He had probably wanted to take it with him years ago but left it by mistake. It was old, almost as old as him, worn in the ears, his little, red t-shirt had holes in it, the thread that made his mouth was loose, but he was still soft, even if there was some stuffing coming out of a hole he had in his side.

“Oh, bless,” Magnus said as Alec picked him up. “How sweet.”

Alec laughed through his nose. “Must have forgotten about him.” He passed him to Magnus, who held him so tenderly, he might as well have been a baby.

“You’re taking him now though, right?” Magnus’ tone was serious.

Alec shrugged with one shoulder as he looked at some of the other toys in the box; small soldiers, a couple of little cars, a barbie he was sure he had stolen from his sister, and a small, toy baking set. He remembered having been given it by his grandmother one Christmas, and how much his father had hated it, but Alec had hidden it in his room before his father could throw it out. It had only been used when his father was completely distracted, and only in the secret of his room.

“I was gonna say put it next to yours, but I don’t think you have one,” Alec said with a smile. “So I’ll take him, but I don’t know what to do with him.”

Magnus made a noise a pseudo-disgust. “He is getting pride of place. Right at the head of the bed.”

“But you don’t have one?”

“I did,” Magnus said, looking at the bear, playing with his soft paw between his finger and thumb. “My step-father ripped him up before I got on the plane to meet my father, so…”

Alec’s shoulders sagged. “That’s… Shit, I’m sorry.”

Magnus smiled, but it was half-hearted. “It’s all right. I’m a fierce advocate for keeping teddy bears from childhood now though.”

Alec nodded and promised he would put him in pride of place in their room.

They discussed any of the furniture that Maryse was willing to give up, and that was a couple of paintings, this armchair that Maryse had always hated but Magnus thought would look great in their living room, and a couple of tables, one being a pristine, glass coffee table, and a side table that they would use in their living area as well.

Maryse kept them for another coffee, and Magnus was very polite, engaging thoroughly in the conversations that Maryse loved to have. Alec didn’t engage much because he just didn’t fit so easily in the conversation, but he watched them talk back and forth like watching a tennis match where the ball remained longer on one side.

Following that, Alec took Magnus on a longer tour of the house as he said goodbye to each room and what memories it held. He remembered baking in the early hours of the morning in their kitchen, remembered how much their oven got on his nerves because it took so long to heat up, and remembered once dropping flour over everything and frantically cleaning it up before his father got home to scold him.

He remembered playing hide and seek in what had once been his father’s study, so intimidating to him as a child that, when he realised Max had gone in there to hide, he had had to fetch his mother because he dared not step inside. After Robert had moved out, it became a small library instead, and Alec remembered still fearing it. Walking through it now, it was odd to feel so big in a room where he had once felt so small. The shelves were beginning to empty, and the chairs that had once sat in there no longer did. He was glad he had come early so he didn’t see it completely empty because that would tear at his heart.

It was too cold to stand for long in the garden, but Alec remembered how desperately he had begged for there to be a treehouse built, and how Robert had only yielded when Izzy started to ask as well. He remembered Max scraping his knee when they had been playing tag, remembered watching clouds with his sister as she spoke about cute boys and Alec thought about cute boys himself.

There were ugly memories too, like being told off for using tape on the walls for his posters, coming out to his parents and hearing only silence afterwards, Robert screaming at him because he had forgotten to wash up a couple of pots. Even some of the sweeter memories were tainted, but it had been his childhood, and he ached to see the physicality of those memories disappear from his grasp.

After Alec had decided he would only grow more upset if he remained, they took two of the boxes back as Maryse promised to ship the others once Christmas was over, and then they left. Magnus instantly put Alec’s bear, whose name was Cuddles because he had been a very imaginative three-year-old, on their bed, and Alec’s heart sank a little further for him.

The Christmas period was, as ever, hectic. There was so much baking, and the Christmas shoppers filled up his store, there was always a queue. The staff were busy, the streets were busy, the ovens were busy, but Alec loved baking, and even hectic rushes could not take that from him.

The classes that he ran revolved around Christmas and Hanukkah bakes, and he got Lily to prepare emails for the next batch of people who were on the waiting list. What always pleased him the most was when someone had taken the beginner class and then he saw them at the advanced class afterwards. He had always formed friendship with the regulars at his bakery, but it was always at a distance. He was able to form much stronger connections with those who took his baking classes. He had never thought of himself as a teacher, but he revelled in being able to share his baking knowledge and tips with those who were eager to learn.

After closing on Christmas Eve, he thanked the staff who had been working for him and wished them a very happy holidays, and said he would see a couple of them on Boxing Day. He only brought in staff who were happy to work over the holiday period, and he was very thankful that so many of them offered this year. A few of Christmases had been difficult because only a couple of people had been up for the task, but he made it work. He treated his staff phenomenally well, and they worked hard in reciprocation.

He came home to Magnus, who had been cooking dinner, where they planned their more intimate Christmas before they spent the main day at Izzy’s with the rest of the family. Christmases were getting quite expensive with all the children to buy presents for, but the house was full, fuller each year, and that was lovely.

After they ate an enormous dinner and tried slices of the cake Alec had baked, bringing a full cake for the Christmas with his family tomorrow, they exchanged their presents. Alec had two to give Magnus, which made Magnus extremely excited, and he made Alec open his first.

Alec had always hated opening gifts for he was not someone who reacted largely. He knew Magnus was aware of that, growing attuned to the quiet reactions Alec gave to news and conversation, and he knew it would be the same today.

The gift he held in his hands was relatively heavy and book shaped. Alec liked to savour wrapping paper, but he could feel Magnus was desperate for him to open it quickly.

Once the paper was off, Alec wasn’t entirely sure what it was. He had been correct in thinking it was a book, hardback and with elegant swirls decorating the cover. The swirled, seemingly handwritten font read ‘ _Lightwood Delight’s Delights_ ’, and he glanced up at Magnus whose hands were laced tightly in front of him, watching for Alec’s acute reactions.

Opening it, Alec found that his recipes had been written out on each page, the titles in elegant calligraphy and the steps written carefully and precisely. It was much neater and more sophisticated than when scrawled in a notebook with Alec’s handwriting.

Alec touched each of the pages as he flipped through the book, finding each one prefaced with an actual picture of a bake from his bakery.

“Is this why my notebook’s been missing for the past couple weeks?” Alec asked as he discovered that it had been organised into sweet and savoury, cookies and cakes, pies and breads. He smiled at Magnus whose own smile was tinged with guilt. He stood and, when he returned, he had Alec’s messy notebook in hand. Alec took it but realised he didn’t need it any longer. Well, if he came up with more, he would need it, but this book was perfection. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I had Lily’s help with some of it, and she was quite expert at the espionage of stealing your notebook,” Magnus said. “Perhaps it might make a nice transition into selling a book.”

Alec laughed. “One step a time.”

Magnus smiled, and they shared a short kiss before Magnus began opening his presents. He made Magnus open the smaller box first, and Magnus tore off the paper, not savouring an inch of it.

It was a perfume that Magnus had mentioned a few months ago. It wasn’t cheap, but Magnus had been in love with it, and it did smell great. Although Alec never felt good about the presents he bought, he liked seeing people happy with what he had gotten them.

“You have an elephant’s memory, darling,” Magnus said, spraying it on his wrist and inhaling deep. “Thank you.”

Alec smiled and felt the nerves creep in as he took the second, larger box. He had thought it was a great idea, but Alec’s hands were fidgety, and he gripped his recipe book tight as Magnus tore into it.

After he opened the box, Magnus’ face dropped, which did nothing for Alec’s shaken nerves. Magnus reached into the box and pulled out a soft teddy bear that Alec had bought to somewhat replace the one Magnus had lost. Alec could see that Magnus thought the world of Alec’s bear, and Alec couldn’t let him not have one.

Magnus put the bear in his lap and looked at Alec, his eyes watering.

“I know it can’t replace the one you had, but I thought you deserved one of your own,” Alec said.

“You’re too sweet,” Magnus said, wiping at his eyes with his finger. He sucked in a shaky breath and leaned forward so they could share a sweet kiss.

Magnus placed his bear next to Alec’s on their bed, and Alec’s chest swelled.

Given Jules was only a few months old, it was not too hectic when they went to Izzy’s for Christmas the next day. Alec could imagine that, with more children, it would be hectic, and this was exactly what he experienced when they spent a second Christmas with Magnus’ friends as they seemed to have about a thousand children to deal with. There was a lot of joy in celebrating Christmas with all these excitable and young children. What Christmas was really about was family, and Alec knew people spent Christmas alone, but he felt most content in a family-filled Christmas, and it felt truly full for perhaps the first time ever. It may have been hectic, but there was something lovely about that hectic feeling, something about the sheer joy the children felt and how busy they all were as they kept on top of cooking and keeping the young members of the celebration entertained.

And being there with Magnus was an extra perfection. To have him so integrated into his life, sitting with him when they were with Alec’s family and eating their enormous dinner with him by his side, watching Christmas movies with Magnus’ arm around him, both being comfortable enough to have Magnus being quietly affectionate, it was so surreal in some ways, and so right in others. He just fit. Alec had always quietly imagined what it might be like to introduce Magnus to his family, and it had always been such an impossibility, a fancy that made him smile when he was crushing hard. For it to be real now was strange but also lovely, and he looked forward to future Christmases with Magnus as a part of them.

When it came to moving in properly after Christmas, Alec found that very little changed. They got the delivery of the furniture, they mixed their belongings, but Alec had already been spending so much time there, it didn’t feel any different. The twenty-minute walk to the bakery was not at all cumbersome, and on some mornings, quite pleasant. Their routines moulded together even better, and Alec could not be happier about waking up next to his roommate and boyfriend every single morning.


	10. Jagged Little Pieces

> “All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair.”  
> ― Mitch Albom, _The Five People You Meet in Heaven_

Their routines worked so well together that Alec felt like they had been dating for decades, not just over a year. When Alec wasn’t at the bakery, he was usually in their kitchen, baking with both ovens as Magnus sat at his machine sewing or at his desk drawing patterns. Magnus would come over and lick the bowl of batter or icing, and compliment the smells of baking, and it was just easy.

Alec loved finishing a day at the bakery, usually in the early afternoon, so he could return to Magnus, confident that those he was teaching could keep baking. Magnus would, almost always, still be sewing or drawing when Alec came through the door, but then they would eat, watch TV, and just be a couple. It was sweet and lovely and a form of domesticity that Alec never thought he would get to receive.

Winter rolled into spring which then rolled into summer. Alec had thought that, once they started dating, he might be quite used to the looks and outfits that Magnus pulled out each season. He remembered always looking forward to seeing what Magnus would look like each time he saw him, and he thought, seeing him choose his outfits almost every morning would take the excitement out of it.

However, it was still just as exciting. Whenever, he got to lie in bed and had no need to rise early, he would watch Magnus as he perused his enormous wardrobe that lined the wall, Alec owning only a small section of it and somehow still feeling he had too many clothes. He would never deny that Magnus always looked flawless, but the sheer volume of clothing he owned was unfathomable to Alec who rolled pretty much the same looks out each season. Sure, Magnus worked in fashion, but Alec often asked if Magnus wore everything he owned, and even though Magnus assured him he did, Alec was still doubtful.

Although things were simple and lovely between them, Alec had noted that Magnus had been quiet when he chose his outfit this morning. A small part of Alec that was always slightly paranoid did immediately jump to the conclusion that something was about to go awry in their relationship. There was very little to signal that that was the direction it was about to take, but Alec still feared something going wrong because he felt like it was still possible. Things had been going well, and maybe it had been going _too_ well. There was no reason to say that, just because it had been great, that it would continue to be great.

Usually, Magnus would pick out a couple of outfits, Alec would say what he thought of them, and they would chat casually as Magnus dressed and decided he wanted to wear something else entirely instead. This would happen even if Magnus was planning on staying in all day. Magnus said he always had to look perfect, even when Alec was the only one who would see him, though Alec always thought he looked gorgeous whatever he was wearing.

Instead, Magnus had quietly chosen an outfit, something relatively simple, and then left the bedroom. He had greeted Alec good morning, but he hadn’t stayed in bed long at all even though Alec wasn’t going to the bakery until noon.

Sometimes, people did have off days, sometimes people didn’t want to be talkative or they just wanted alone time, so Alec was trying not to take it personally. His mind immediately did go to the idea that Magnus was having sudden doubts, but maybe it wasn’t that serious. It still felt unpleasant, and it filled him with quiet dread.

Magnus was straight at the sewing machine by the time Alec got up. Alec wasn’t even sure if he had had any breakfast, but he simply let him be. If Magnus needed some time to be alone, Alec wasn’t going to invade his space.

It did mean, however, that once he got to work with only a very brief parting kiss from his boyfriend, Alec was a little distracted. Diego kept asking if he was all right, if he needed any help when he was simply staring into space when he should have been mixing batter. Alec said everything was fine, but he really hoped things weren’t about to derail when they had been going so well for so long.

As he was off tomorrow, Alec stayed for an extra hour after the bakery had closed to debrief Diego and get some more batters mixed. Of course, Diego was quite capable without him nowadays, but Alec still liked to be an attentive boss.

When he got home, Magnus was still sewing. Alec wondered if he had even taken a break. He had told Alec that sewing was good when his mind was occupied. Sometimes, it took up all the space in his mind so he could relax and not think about what was happening, and other times, it allowed his mind to quieten so he could think things through. Alec wondered what it was that Magnus’ mind might be occupied with, but he still said nothing, merely beginning to cook their dinner. Usually, Alec would come home after a later shift at the bakery and Magnus would be cooking for him, but Alec didn’t mind doing it today. He just hoped Magnus might join him when he began eating.

Which he did, but conversation was absent. Magnus was never quiet. He could fill silences that no one else in the world could. He was charismatic and easy to talk to, and Alec hated him being silent. Alec did most of the talking, asking questions and Magnus’ answers were sort of noncommittal and short. Alec didn’t want to push him, but he could not bear Magnus’ silence.

After clearing the table, Magnus helping but almost walking as if in a daze, Magnus then went back to the sewing machine. Before he could start sewing again, because it was getting awful late, Alec decided to just ask him if something was wrong. They had gone into the relationship knowing conversation was crucial to staying healthy and happy, and if Magnus just needed some alone time, Alec totally understood. But not knowing at all was making him so concerned, he might even struggle to sleep.

“Are you really going back to work?” Alec asked, leaning against the island so he was closer to Magnus, sat at his machine.

Magnus looked a little startled to be addressed, but nodded, adjusting his glasses that he had put back on. “Just to finish this off.”

Alec looked at what he was making, but he could make no assumptions about how close to finished the garment was. Alec nodded but still had no answers. “Are you all right?”

Magnus swallowed lightly.

“You’ve just been very quiet today. If you want to be alone, that’s okay. I just wanted to check.”

Magnus was quiet for a moment longer, and then adjusted himself in his seat so he was facing Alec more directly. He removed his glasses, folded them, and put them on the desk, all whilst Alec waited.

“I have something to tell you but I’m dreading it,” Magnus said eventually.

Alec nearly held his breath. Maybe he was overreacting, but he wasn’t always the most optimistic person and he couldn’t help that his mind was instantly in a space where Magnus was thinking about ending their relationship. He had always said that, if they started dating and they realised it wasn’t working, that would be fine, but it would still hurt all the same.

“What?” Alec asked, his heart stalling. Magnus always prefaced things this way, but Alec would rather he just say it, particularly with how distant he had been all day.

Magnus sighed. “My father is coming to town, and he wants, or really, demands he visit.”

“Oh,” Alec said, shoulders relaxing. There was so much relief within him because, whilst it was awful that Magnus felt such dread at his father visiting, it was not nearly what Alec had thought was coming. Part of him did wish Magnus had just said something earlier because Alec had had the whole day consumed with doubts. He also understood, however, the damaged relationship Magnus had with his father, so he understood why he had been so distant as well.

“Do you not want him to visit?” Alec asked.

Magnus shrugged. “He doesn’t visit often, but when he decides he wants to, I can’t deny him.”

Alec nodded. “Is he staying here then?”

“Raziel, no. He’ll have some young thing on his arm and will stay in some expensive hotel with her.” Magnus idly started playing with the hem of what he had sewn. “I don’t think he would even consider staying here, and that is not a bad thing.”

“When will he be here?”

“Tomorrow.”

Alec’s previously relaxed shoulders tensed again. “Tomorrow?”

“I was only informed early this morning. I am, unfortunately, more used to these impromptu visits and announcements, so I get it if you maybe didn’t want to be here.”

Alec nodded absently. Perhaps this was for the best as it wouldn’t allow nerves to grow, but he had thought he would have had more time to prepare for meeting Magnus’ father. Magnus didn’t really speak about him, but Alec got the distinct feeling there was a reason for that. Alec wondered what he would be like when he met him. Tomorrow. With almost no warning. Great.

After realising he had nodded, he then quickly shook his head upon seeing Magnus’ expression grow sombre. “Of course I’ll be here.”

A hint of a smile touched Magnus’ lips.

“I should have said something,” Magnus said. “I’ve just been… I dread the idea of having him here, though I do, obviously, want you to meet him.”

Alec nodded.

“Sorry,” he apologised.

“It’s okay,” Alec insisted. “I’m glad it’s not… I thought it was me, that’s all.”

Magnus frantically shook his head. “No, definitely not. I promise.”

Relieved, they worked out what to do to prepare for tomorrow.

They would be hosting this meeting at their apartment, likely without whoever he was currently sleeping with, so Alec instantly got to making a cake. If he was to impress Asmond, then the only way he felt capable of doing so was with cake and baking. They already had a lot of cakes in the apartment but Alec insisted on making another for the event.

It was clear Magnus was not exactly looking forward to it; he quietened, couldn’t really sit still and even planned what he would wear tomorrow. The latter was not unusual for him, but what he chose was muted compared to what he would usually wear. Alec wondered if he should plan his outfit as well but decided against it.

The next morning, Alec having slept only a touch better than Magnus who had tossed and turned, Alec waited on the sofa, flicking through channels but finding nothing stimulating enough to keep his attention. He kept listening out for the buzzer, Magnus not even beside him but standing in their kitchen area. He was on his third coffee already, and Alec noted that he was wearing no makeup. He did wear less makeup nowadays, but when they hosted people, Magnus liked at least an eyeliner and a tinted lip. There was none of that today.

When the buzzer finally sounded, it felt so much louder than Alec was used to, and it startled him even though he had been listening out for it. He glanced at Magnus, who downed the last of his coffee, and then went to the buzzer to invite his father up.

Alec decided to stand, though his limbs felt cumbersome, and he wasn’t sure what to do with his hands. He came closer to Magnus and squeezed his hand.

“I’m not usually this nervous,” Magnus said, squeezing Alec’s hand back.

“Is it because of me?”

Magnus nodded. “I just don’t want you to see too much of him in me.”

Alec went quiet because he hadn’t realised that was the problem. “But I love you?”

Magnus smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I don’t think you’ll love him.”

Before Alec could respond, there was a knock on the door, and Magnus had to let go of Alec’s hand to open it. Alec sucked in a deep breath and waited.

The second he saw Asmond, he noticed the immediate similarities in their features. The story of Magnus’ stepfather sensing Magnus not being his because he looked too different to the other children made so much sense now because Alec could tell immediately that Magnus and Asmond were related. It was in their bone structure, in their eye shape, in their noses. Not all children looked like their parents, but Magnus definitely looked like his. He wondered what his mother looked like.

He was tall, taller even than Magnus, and held his head high, his back straight. He wore an immaculate dress shirt, so white Alec wondered if he had bought it that morning, and a dark jacket, buttoned and pristine. He was looking at his watch when Magnus opened the door, and Alec swore it was real gold.

When he looked up, he noticed Magnus’ presence and sauntered into the room. Alec wasn’t even sure if Asmond looked at him or just saw him as another piece of furniture. He had that sort of air about him where you wanted him to notice you but you also really didn’t want to be seen either. There was an affirmation in his gaze, but if he spotted you, who knew what he might say. Alec swallowed but tried to keep his head high, though he liked the idea of sinking into the shadows.

“I can’t stay long,” Asmond said, his voice deeper than Magnus’, and it held more demand in it too. There wasn’t anything sweet about his tone.

“I expected as much,” Magnus said, shutting the door. Alec watched his shoulders work before he turned to face his father.

“I thought we should catch up, however,” Asmond said. Then he turned to look at Alec, and Alec tried not to visibly swallow. “And you are?”

“Alec,” Alec answered. He was in his damn thirties, he didn’t need to be intimidated by his boyfriend’s father. He was a man, as confident as he was likely ever going to be. He was not going to feel like a little boy in front of him. He refused the idea, even though some of his thoughts did refuse to cooperate.

“My boyfriend, father,” Magnus said, dryly.

“Right. The, uh, florist. You did mention.”

“Baker,” Magnus corrected.

“Right.”

Alec smiled with thinly veiled hatred, and Asmond turned away from him again.

“Coffee, then?” Asmond said, or rather demanded. Magnus nodded and started to make coffee, leaving Alec to lead Asmond to their sofas, and there they sat. Alec thought silence would be the worst thing, but Asmond’s questions were actually a little more testing than silence would be.

Asmond asked about Alec’s parents, his family, his travel history, which was zero. This surprised Asmond the most as, apparently, he rarely spent a week in the same country. He was horrified at the thought of staying in New York since birth, but Alec was very comfortable with that. He loved being home, particularly as Magnus was a part of his home now.

“Magnus likes to travel,” Asmond said. Alec already knew that, but he didn’t say it to Asmond. “So I wonder if he can be latched down to one city.”

Alec nodded. Thankfully, by this point, Magnus had done the coffees and sat, shoulder to shoulder, next to Alec. Chairman Meow was nowhere to be seen, and Alec thought that might be awfully telling.

“I like New York,” Magnus added. “I’ve been here awhile. I don’t mind not travelling as much as you, father.”

“Well, we’ll see how long that lasts.”

Asmond took a sip of the coffee and immediately, without even much of a taste, told Magnus to add more hot water because it was too milky. Magnus had stood before his father had even finished asking.

“This place is smaller than your last place, isn’t it?” Asmond said, looking around the room.

Alec couldn’t fathom that being the case; the apartment was enormous, so sizeable that Alec couldn’t imagine Magnus having lived in somewhere larger beforehand. Sure, bigger places existed, they always did, but Magnus only relatively recently had reached the most successful point of his career, and he had never mentioned living somewhere larger before.

It was such a nice place too; the view, the way Magnus had decorated it, the fact Alec felt he fit in because there was so much space, the kitchen was gorgeous. If he had lived somewhere before, Alec wondered what had made him leave his previous apartment.

However, as Magnus returned, he said, “Actually, no. It has been my largest one yet. And you said that last time you were here as well.”

Asmond seemed unbothered by this.

Before Magnus sat, he offered Asmond some of Alec’s cake.

“I don’t really have a sweet tooth,” Asmond said, not even looking at Alec at the mention of it being his creation.

“He baked it for you.” Magnus’ tone was level, and whilst he was not visibly threatening his father, Alec could feel that his insistence should not be ignored. Well, Alec thought that anyway, whether Asmond felt it, he couldn’t be sure.

Asmond looked at his watch and, with a sigh, nodded. Magnus shot Alec a glance but Alec was unbothered. Whilst Asmond was no shining example of fatherhood, Alec had had some unpleasant dealings with his own father, and he felt he could deal with it.

It was not the most comfortable morning. Asmond asked a lot of questions and had this stare that just made Alec feel like a little boy. He held his own, even asked Asmond of his own life, but he was glad he was not set on staying long. Alec was all tense from where he was holding himself, but he refused to let Asmond get under his skin. He could see Magnus’ fatigue at having dealt with it for so long, but part of dating was battling alongside the person you loved, and Alec would pick Magnus up when he was beginning to falter.

Apparently, he had some crucial meeting to attend but, upon being asked by his son, said he could not divulge the details. Neither Magnus nor Alec were bothered by this, and were just glad when he stood to leave.

As they stood at the door, Asmond said, “I should be in New York again soon, so if you are still here, I shall see you then, Alex.”

“Alec,” Alec corrected for the third time that morning. Asmond nodded like he would not be bothered if he got it wrong again, which Alec believed he probably would.

They shook hands, and Asmond’s shake was so firm Alec felt he was probably crushing his hand on purpose. Alec did not wince or retract, he merely nodded and continued shaking until Asmond dropped the handshake and nodded at his son.

The second Asmond left, Magnus nearly collapsed against the door, resting the back of his head against it and looking at Alec through his lowered lids. He sighed and wiped hard at his face.

“I can only apologise,” Magnus said.

“You don’t need to,” Alec said, smiling. “You’ve met my father.”

“Yeah,” Magnus said, but it was noncommittal. There was a low tremble to his voice as well, and the fastening of his blinking made Alec want to step forward and hold him. “He does it on purpose.”

“Does what?”

“Get things wrong,” Magnus said, the tremble increasing. “He once told me he finds it very affirming and that it puts people in their place when they constantly have to correct him on what he’s got wrong.”

Alec blinked at him a few times. “Oh…”

Magnus knelt down to stroke through Chairman’s fur as he had arrived upon the sound of the door closing. The only solace they took was that it was over and that meant he wouldn’t be around for a while longer. Alec couldn’t fathom what it was like growing up with Asmond as a role model, as a father.

When Magnus stood again, his eyes were red and he cleared his throat. Alec couldn’t bear to see Magnus looking like that, so he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around him. There was not a modicum of hesitation in Magnus wrapping his arms around Alec and pressing his face into Alec’s neck.

Slowly, Alec rubbed up and down Magnus’ back and was the rock Magnus kept himself up with.

“I’m too old to be feeling like this after my father visits,” Magnus mumbled into Alec’s neck.

“Your age is beside the point,” Alec said. “He’s the problem, not you.”

Magnus laughed through his nose, but there was little humour attached to it. “I’ve just always wanted his acceptance, and his love… And he never offers it. I know I won’t ever get it… But it’s all I want from him.”

Alec nodded, understanding more than he actually cared to in that moment. There was little to say. Alec knew that, if he were in Magnus’ position, there wasn’t much to offer that would rectify those feelings or comfort him. He squeezed his arms around him and kissed his cheek.

“I know,” Alec said. “And I think you know that you don’t need it, that you’re a good enough person without his acceptance because you don’t need it or him. I know that about myself and yet I sometimes wish my father would, just once, say he loved me. He isn’t worth any of the feelings you have towards him, and I think you know that too. And I know that won’t make you stop wishing for it, but I love you so much and your friends love you so much and Chairman loves you so much, and hopefully, one day, that will be enough.”

Magnus sighed loudly and Alec heard the soft noises of him crying, and held him tight. He promised he wasn’t going to leave him ever because they were both broken and broken people could, so often, fix each other.


	11. True Love is Rare

> “True love is rare, and it's the only thing that gives life real meaning.”  
> ― Nicholas Sparks, _Message in a Bottle_

By the time they got to Magnus’ fortieth birthday, Asmond had only come to visit once more. It had actually been a complete surprise, no forewarning whatsoever, they had just been getting up in the morning, Alec deciding to bake some bread, and the buzzer had gone, and then suddenly Asmond had popped over, still without whatever young thing he had back at the hotel that he kept referring to frequently. It had been semi-stressful because neither had had time to prepare, and they had sat in a stunned silence after he had left. Alec supposed it made them appreciate the quiet when he wasn’t around.

Magnus’ fortieth had been a semi-surprise that Alec had planned with the help of Tessa and Charlotte. Magnus had known something was happening, how couldn’t there be for such a monumental birthday? Alec supposed that meant it was quite unsurprising when they awoke on the Sunday before his birthday and they made the journey to Tessa and Jem’s lovely home.

Of course, being in December, it wasn’t going to be outside, but Alec had bought decorations and knew Tessa and the others would decorate the house so they could make up for not having the garden. Although Alec didn’t care for surprise parties, he knew Magnus loved them and couldn’t imagine not doing one for him, particularly for his fortieth.

Once they arrived, they went up to the front door and were greeted by Tessa in dark jeans and this cosy, dark blue, turtleneck jumper. She invited them in, wishing Magnus a happy early-birthday. They were then brought through the house and Matthew, so excited by the idea of the surprise, jumped out before everyone else and started hugging Magnus’ leg. The rest of the group then emerged, and his celebrations began. There was food and drink, chatter and joviality. Magnus held every baby at least three times and bounced the toddlers on his knees constantly. Charlie told Magnus about the book he was reading, and Matthew described all the worms he had dug before mama said it was too cold to be digging until it was spring again.

Alec was with him occasionally, but he also admired him from a distance as he played with the kids and listened happily to Mina’s babbling. Alec had an idle smile on his face as he watched his boyfriend, wondering at how great he’d be as a father.

When the cake was brought out, one Alec had made with all of Magnus’ favourite flavours, Tessa and Jem had opted for, instead of the numbers ‘4’ and ‘0’, placing forty candles on the different tiers. It was such a fire-hazard, and it took Magnus a dozen times, with the help of Matthew, to blow out all the candles. Everyone was then cutting into it and taking their favourite slices, complimenting Alec on his baking over and over again.

As the children grew tired of the sugar and all the excitement, people slowly began to make their exit. Magnus held Mina in his arms as she yawned and fell asleep, Alec standing beside him now. Magnus released a contented sigh as he looked down at young Mina, and Alec smiled at him.

“I want one,” Magnus said, quietly after they had bid goodbye to Charlotte, Henry, and the boys.

“I know you do,” Alec replied. He looked around at the rest of the chaos in the living room, toys everywhere and Kit asleep as he hung off the sofa. “We could probably just steal one of these, no one would notice.”

Magnus laughed through his nose and went to reply, but Tessa joined them, glancing at her daughter and smiling.

“What are we talking about?” she asked.

“Babies,” Magnus said. “I want one, that’s all.”

Tessa shrugged. “Steal one of these ones. There’s plenty to go around.”

Alec laughed as Magnus said, “That’s exactly what he just said.”

“Why don’t you get one?” Tessa asked after she smiled brightly at Alec.

“It’s a… commitment,” Magnus said with a small glance at Alec that he pretended he didn’t notice. “And I’d probably need to be married.”

“Well, that’s another big commitment,” Tessa said. “And it comes with its difficulties.”

“Which are?” Magnus said.

“An inclination that you will be with this one person for the rest of your life. Accepting the notion that you will grow old with them. Fears about children. Arguments.” Tessa smiled.

“You and Jem do not argue,” Magnus said. “I do not believe that for a second.”

“And do you two?”

Magnus and Alec glanced at each other and shrugged.

Then Magnus said, “Alec does never take his shoes to the shoe rack, he always leaves them by the door.”

Alec snorted. “Magnus leaves fabric absolutely everywhere.”

“Those don’t sound like huge troubles to me,” Tessa said, and they both shrugged in response.

Tessa then took Mina off Magnus’ hands, and they stayed for a few more hours before they too had to part.

For their second anniversary, because, for some reason, Raziel had decided December needed to be the most expensive month in their year alongside all the Christmas celebration, they were going to a spa, and then going to have a fancy dinner in the evening. Neither of these things were truly Alec’s style, but when they had planned for it, since they had to plan super early to get bookings in as everyone booked everything up for Christmas, Alec hadn’t really been able to come up with anything else. Everything that everyone had suggested was so very specific to each couple themselves; Jace and Clary did pottery classes together on their last anniversary; Izzy and Simon went to a theatre performance of some very famous musical that Alec soon forgot the name of; Jem and Tessa liked quiet, bookstore anniversaries where they went to dainty teashops afterwards. Alec thought those ideas were pleasant, but they weren’t the sort of thing he enjoyed.

If he really thought about it, however, his ideal anniversary wasn’t something he really thought existed because he didn’t really think about it to begin with. Serious anniversaries weren’t even something he had really been a part of before, If he truly thought about what he would like to do on an anniversary, it was probably what he liked to do on a normal day; eating in, baking together, though he and Magnus had never baked together because Magnus was a bit of a disaster when it came to baking, and then sitting in with popcorn and a movie.

But Magnus was a complete romantic, and whilst he wasn’t saying Alec couldn’t do what he wanted to do, Alec just knew that what they did most nights shouldn’t be the same on their anniversary. It wasn’t like Alec had submitted to the idea of a spa and dinner, he just loved making Magnus happy, and why not try to be romantic? It was only for one day of the year, and Magnus was very insistent on going for the meal. He did love to spend money, so Alec supposed it made sense to go to this fancy restaurant he had booked.

The morning after Magnus’ birthday where he complained, just a little, about how old he felt, they got ready for their morning at the spa. Alec had never been to the spa in his life, and although Magnus had been a couple times just in the time he and Alec had started dating, Alec had never been enticed to go. He was not a very touchy-feely person, though he did like to be affectionate with Magnus, and massages and facials and all that spa stuff required quite a bit of touching from people you didn’t know. They might be trained professionals, Magnus had booked an expensive spa and Alec trusted it and him, but still, that was a pair of hands touching you. When they were on their way, Alec reduced the need to shiver at the thought.

The plan, as lead by the more knowledgeable Magnus, was to swim first, maybe enjoy the heated pool or hot tub, then they were getting massages and facials, and then a light lunch. Alec was not really into a pampered lifestyle, so he would follow Magnus’ lead because Magnus loved leading a pampered life.

Alec really hadn’t been swimming all that often in his life, and he wouldn’t say he was self-conscious, but he truly felt a like a thirty-six year old man who had been baking and eating cake for the entirety of his adult life. He wasn’t skinny and he wasn’t defined, he was middle-aged, or at least breaching it, and where Magnus was wearing a tight pair of swimming shorts that hugged his ass something fierce in a very delectable way, Alec wore baggy shorts because he wasn’t as confident in his body. Magnus was forty now, but he didn’t think that was an excuse to be conservative.

It was quite the sizeable spa, so there was no overcrowding in any of the pools they had. Magnus said they had to start in the normal pool to truly appreciate the warmth of the heated pool and the sauna that Magnus insisted they try. Neither of them really spent much time swimming, they did a couple of laps, but they mainly chatted. Apparently there was a gym attached to the spa, and Alec really didn’t understand that concept. Why would anyone go to a place of relaxation and want to work out?

The sauna was so ridiculously hot, Alec couldn’t function in there either. Weren’t people meant to come to these things to relax and be pampered? What was pampering about sweating? Magnus said he loved the sweating, felt so healed and like the toxins were out of his body. Sure, there was something gorgeously attractive about the sheen to Magnus’ skin, but Alec didn’t understand how someone could just sit and sweat. Perhaps he just didn’t understand spas.

Couple massages were also a strange concept because you couldn’t have an intimate conversation when there were two people rubbing their hands all over your body. Supposedly, it was romantic because there was gentle music in the background and you were oiled and there were lavender and sandalwood scents in the air. Alec supposed it was a romantic situation because it did feel pleasant to have someone rubbing out the knots in his back, of which, apparently, he had about a billion that he didn’t realise he carried, but it wasn’t intimate in any sort of way, not in his mind at least.

Alec supposed all the bending down and mixing did strain his body. And maybe there were stresses that came with running the bakery, a functioning and profitable, but not always easy, business. The masseuse spent a while at his back and shoulders and neck, and then worked down his arms, even massaging his hand, which Alec found incredibly strange, but he let it pass. He didn’t realise a person could have knots in their palm.

It was bizarre when they started on his thighs and calves. He wasn’t ashamed of having his legs on show, but having someone touch them, that was odd. He knew it was strictly professional, but, as someone not used to having massages, it took some getting used to.

The facial was less jarring, but Alec wasn’t sure he would be coming back weekly to get them done. He could tell Magnus probably would if he could, but Alec felt this might either be a one-time thing, or whenever Magnus begged him to come along. He was sure some people loved it, but Alec was not used to a pampered lifestyle, and having someone rub this gooey stuff all over his skin felt strange, though it wasn’t unpleasant.

Following that, Magnus got a manicure, and Alec just sat beside him, and they chatted as the technician filed and coated his nails in this golden colour. Alec did try to take care of his hands and nails, being a baker meant he dealt with his hands a lot, and he didn’t want them to look untidy. Thankfully, he had never gone through a phase of biting his nails, but Magnus’ were stunning. They were usually always painted and he wore lots of rings, and they were soft and lovely to hold. Alec took good care of his hands, but Magnus treated them wonderfully.

They had their lunch together in the pristine, white robes the spa gave out, and Alec felt it was all quite surreal but enjoyable. He might not do it again, maybe decide on another anniversary treat next year, but he had to admit, he did feel relaxed. He was going to be more used to the dinner they had that evening because they had gone out to dinner together more often than they had gone to the spa.

The place they were going to tonight was called White’s Club, possibly one of the fanciest places they had been to as a couple. They had been out for fancy dinners before where they would dress up, eat multiple courses and have different wines that paired with their meals because Magnus was an extravagant man, but this was probably even fancier than that. They served caviar, apparently, and whilst Alec was not going to try caviar, he felt that that at least dictated how fancy the restaurant in question was.

Before they got ready that evening, they each showered, and Magnus took some time to choose his makeup and ensure that the outfit he had chosen suited his golden nails. Alec took a little less time to choose his own outfit, but he still made sure he wore something fancy because he liked looking nice for Magnus.

When they left the apartment, Magnus was wearing these styled, burgundy slacks and brown, suede shoes. His shirt was white, though he had thought about a shimmering gold piece to match his nails but thought to tone it down with just a crisp white shirt instead, a few buttons undone, of course. His jacket matched his slacks, and it fit him phenomenally well, probably because he had made it himself. His earrings were pretty, and he wore a multitude of rings, and his eyeshadow was gold and his eyes were winged and his lips were painted a delicate red. Alec was very in love with him.

He always felt a touch lacklustre beside him, but had decidedly never taken Magnus up on the offer to wear something more colourful. Sometimes it was nice to be muted beside him as he was today with just a simple black suit, without tie. The fanciest thing he had was his cologne that Magnus had gifted him after the spa.

They got halfway down the building via the elevator when Magnus exclaimed that he had forgotten his coat and that his look was quite incomplete without it. Alec sighed with a smile and was about to press the ground floor button to deselect it when Magnus said he would just pop up quickly, telling Alec to hail a cab for it could sometimes be difficult as they were often occupied during the Christmas period. Alec nodded and Magnus got out and waited for the other elevator as Alec continued descending.

Once outside, Alec hailed a cab after a few attempts and was waiting a good twenty minutes before Magnus appeared. The cab driver actually didn’t mind, he was happy to chat to Alec about cakes because his wife was really into baking but hadn’t found a bakery to her liking. He promised to commission a cake from _Lightwood Delights_ for her. Magnus’ coat was made of this black material with a large collar, coming down to his thighs. He wore it often in the winter months.

“It took you twenty minutes to find that?” Alec asked after he had closed the door and the driver had finally begun to move.

Magnus shrugged. “I thought I was going to wear another, but decided this one looked better. It just took some time to reach that decision.”

Alec laughed through his nose, and they arrived at the restaurant five minutes before their reservation time.

It was an extravagant restaurant; there were candles on the tables, the tablecloths were deep red, complementing the dark wood of the chairs. There were napkins folded intricately, the shiniest silverware and polished wine glasses. Their chairs were pulled out for them and, as they had a table sat on one of the mezzanine levels, they could peruse the crowd whilst also having a pleasant level of solitude.

They were given the dinner menu, which they began to examine with a gentle ease. It was one of those restaurants where they didn’t actually have that much choice, but whatever they did make was crafted with the utmost care and consideration.

Part of Alec never felt truly right in these lavish settings. Magnus fit in easily, the air about him making him simply belong, surrounded by opulence. The world moulded itself around Magnus Bane, and Alec often felt like he was on the outside, looking in. It was partially alienating to exist in these luxurious spaces for he didn’t belong, even if Magnus held his hand to connect their worlds.

Wine was poured as they decided on their starters, and the soft tones of music waded into their background as chatter was light and moving in waves all around them. Waiters and waitresses carried plates expertly up and down the stairs with their own choreography to keep out of each other’s way. Although surrounded by gentle backgrounds, the candles flickering in his periphery and laughter of women faking interest in their partners calling his attention away, Alec felt almost alone with Magnus now, like the dark reds and shadows of the room whisked the rest of the world away.

Conversation between them was delicate as they sipped at their wines and ate their rich food. It was always so easy with Magnus, so facile. Alec never felt he had to pretend with Magnus. Maybe it was the years of knowing him, but it just felt natural to talk about anything and everything with him, and Alec knew he was never going to receive judgement. Alec supposed he had gotten so used to being misunderstood by his parents for wanting to bake and have a bakery, by his friends for not wanting to date and not understanding his love for Magnus, even by Magnus at times when Magnus did not, initially, understand his love for him. When it came to Magnus understanding him now, it was so easy, and it meant that he didn’t have to be used to being misunderstood any longer.

Their main courses were so large, they decided to share a rich, chocolate cake for dessert. Alec thought it tasted delicious but knew he couldn’t finish the size of the slice they brought out alone and was glad he and Magnus were sharing it. However, Magnus, whilst enjoying it, constantly said Alec’s tasted much better. Alec liked the compliments, but desperately hoped the chef could not hear what he was saying.

They had a coffee afterwards, drinking and watching the crowds a little. It was something he and Magnus quite enjoyed doing. On some of their dates, when they went to the park or a café, they would just peruse the people around them because sometimes they did some fascinating things. It was never malicious or judgemental, it was just perusing and making comments to each other and enjoying the setting they found themselves in.

It was late and cold by the time they left the restaurant, after paying a sizeable sum that had made Alec gawk just a little. Alec supposed part of not being used to opulent settings was because of the cost. Alec had been raised to be frugal and smart with money, and maybe they didn’t go out all that often, but damn, Alec’s savings account would have been horrified. That may, however, be because he never used his savings to begin with.

They walked hand in hand, glad for the other’s body warmth that kept them from freezing. He found himself contemplating what it might be like without Magnus in his life, if today had just been a regular day, not their anniversary. Nowadays, it was difficult to picture life without him given how integral Magnus had become. They were like pieces of a puzzle, and trying to remove him now that he was secured left a hole more prominent as he had finally been fit into place. He supposed his life would be like it had been, and he just wouldn’t have realised how empty it would truly feel. He didn’t want to ever feel empty again, and he didn’t think Magnus was ever going to make him feel like that.

Once back in their apartment, smiling at their neighbours who were also just getting home, they decided to have a small nightcap before they headed to bed. Alec kicked off his shoes beside the door, and Magnus who couldn’t stand shoes anywhere other than where they should be, took them to their bedroom, complaining about Alec needing a clean kitchen but never a clean wardrobe. Alec laughed and felt only slightly guilty about hanging his jacket on the back of a chair as he got their drinks ready.

They sat in front of the television as they drank and chatted, Magnus with a hand casually on Alec’s thigh, and they let their second anniversary sink in. Alec certainly wasn’t a romantic, not in any conventional sense, but he liked to be romantic with Magnus. Sure, Magnus had to be an initiator, but he enjoyed when it was pulled from him.

They parted to get ready for bed, Alec washing his face first. This was only part of his routine now because Magnus had declared there was no excuse for not washing your face. Alec thought his skin had been looking better, and Magnus was proud for having brought it into Alec’s life.

He had thought Magnus was getting changed in their bedroom, but when he entered, he found that Magnus had been busy lying rose petals across the floor and their bed. There were candles lit on most every surface, the lights dimmed. Alec’s heart pounded in his chest because, whilst he knew Magnus was capable of romantic surprises like this, they just did always manage to surprise him.

“I see you’ve prepared something,” Alec said, closing the door behind him. Chairman had been relegated to sleeping in the living room, and Alec thought that was for the best.

Magnus laughed through his nose. He patted the bed beside where he was standing, not having changed at all, having merely removed his jacket.

Alec cocked a brow but did as he was told. Magnus stood before him then, and Alec thought that what would follow would be stripping and kissing and tender love making that started with one of them standing before the other. So, you can imagine his surprise when, upon taking Alec’s left hand, Magnus knelt down onto one knee instead.

Alec’s face went from intrigued and the budding notion of arousal to incredibly serious and softened as he said, “Magnus…”

Magnus took a steadying breath. “You make me so nervous, Alec.” He laughed shakily through his nose. “I do not get nervous for anything, but… You make me nervous.”

Alec swallowed. “Are you going to…” Alec could not finish the sentence, but Magnus slightly nodded his head as he inferred his meaning.

“May I?” Magnus asked.

Alec nodded.

“I have a little speech,” Magnus said. “If you’ll let me do that as well.”

Alec nodded again, feeling all woozy, and not due to the wine they had been drinking over dinner.

Magnus took another breath, and then said, “I know we’ve only been dating for two years, but we have known each other for a lot longer than that.” He smiled, and Alec felt the corner of his lips turn up as well, though his heart was loud in his ears and his hand in Magnus’ was one of the only things grounding him to the moment. “But I also feel like I’ve known you my entire life.

“If you had asked me ten years ago what I thought my life would be now, I would have said lonely, empty, desolate, and loveless. And to think I was merely looking in the wrong direction when everything I have ever wanted was right there, in front of me, it’s awful.

“I really think true love is rare, so rare, and that so few people get the chance to experience it, that so many people settle because true love is too rare to find. And the love that you have given me through all the years and, in particular, these past two, it’s all I have ever wanted and will ever want, and I’m not going to let it slip away, not again.

“And I know that it’s my fault that we have missed out on so many years of making something beautiful together, but if you do me the absolute honour of marrying me, I will continue to show you that I am worthy of your love.”

Alec supposed he was often quiet, but he was never usually stunned into silence. They had spoken about marriage for a long while, it was often something they mentioned casually to each other, but it had never been something he had expected so soon. Every couple was different, some never married, and some married very quickly. Some might say two years was too soon, but when they had known each other for almost two decades, did that change what was conventional?

And what was conventional about their relationship anyway? Their beginning had not been a typical beginning, and Alec had craved and coveted him for so much longer than the two years that they had been dating. Standards did not apply to them, and sometimes, Alec was glad for that.

As he took this moment to think, Magnus released Alec’s hand and procured a small, blue, velvet box, opening it to reveal a silver band that had a sapphire gem encrusted into it. It was muted and quiet and simple, and Alec instantly fell in love with it.

“You are worthy of loving,” Alec said, “it’s not something you have to prove to anyone, least of all me.” Alec smiled as he started to feel more concretely part of the moment. “Of course I will marry you, Magnus Bane. You could have asked me when we first met and I would have said yes.”

Magnus began to beam, sighing out of relief as if there was any way Alec could possibly say no, and he slipped the ring onto Alec’s fourth finger. They kissed and made love as bodies more connected than they had ever been before.


	12. To Be Someone's Forever

> “I want to try with someone who loves me enough to try with me. I want to grow old looking at the same face every morning. I want to grow old looking at the same face every night at the dinner table. I want to be one of those old couples you see still holding hands and laughing after fifty years of marriage. That's what I want. I want to be someone's forever.”  
> ― Rachel Gibson, _The Trouble With Valentine's Day_

Alec could not have ever fathomed how much he would hate planning a wedding. He had, in some ways, been a part of the planning for Jace and Clary’s, and for Izzy and Simon’s, particularly as he had been Jace’s best man, but planning it for himself, that was another thing entirely.

The first thing they had to do was hold a surprise engagement party. As they were about to see many of their nearest and dearest over Christmas, they thought most of them would be quite upset and complain profusely if they kept their engagement a secret. Magnus suggested they call everyone up one by one, but Alec thought that would be so much hassle, and he hated the idea of announcing things in the first place. It was going to be quite the announcement in a public sphere, but doing one announcement at a gathering was preferable to calling people over and over again.

With everyone’s plans, they had to schedule it for the upcoming Sunday. A few people couldn’t make it, but it was understandable. The Christmas period was hectic, he was actually surprised as many people could make it as they could.

Alec was also pushed into a rush to get Magnus an early Christmas present; his own engagement ring. Alec thought, fuck tradition, they were a queer couple and he wanted them both to have engagement rings. He would gift it before their party, and he planned to get something extravagant and pretty, fibbing to Magnus that he was staying late at the bakery when, instead, he would be out ring shopping.

He had done jewellery shopping before for his sister and his mother, but ring shopping was something else. Automatically, of course, it was presumed he was buying an engagement ring for a girlfriend, but once he told the shop attendant that, actually, it was for his boyfriend who had recently proposed, the attendant apologised and was very helpful.

Alec’s own engagement ring was simple but elegant, and Alec wanted something still elegant but a little fancier for his fiancé, which was a strange but wonderful word when voiced aloud. He wanted it to be silver and with sapphires as well so they would match in some ways. Where Alec's had one, small sapphire set in the middle of the ring, he decided, for Magnus, to choose one that had five sapphires and five diamonds interchanging, a little slenderer than Alec’s. He got it placed into a blue box, wrapped delicately, and was on his way.

He gifted it to Magnus the day before their party, which was due to happen in the late afternoon because that worked best for most people. Alec still had another gift to give Magnus on Christmas Day, this was just an early, impromptu present.

As someone who adored receiving gifts, Magnus was thrilled when he got it, not even guessing what it was until the wrapping paper was off. Once he lifted the lid of the box, his hand came to his heart and a warm, enamoured smile spread across his delicately painted lips.

“Thank you, darling,” Magnus said, and they kissed.

“Well, you wear so many rings,” Alec said. “It seemed only fair you get an engagement one as well.”

Magnus smiled and slipped it onto the only finger he ever kept bare from rings. It suited him.

They had little time to relish in the moment for they had a gathering to plan; food had to be made and Alec, of course, was baking. They also cleaned because there was fabric and cat hairs everywhere. Alec realised it was, apart from the few times they had hosted the dinners for Magnus’ friends, who were now Alec’s friends, the first time they had hosted a gathering of combined families and friends. It was the only gathering they had had of this size, and Alec wondered how full the apartment might feel when he was so used to it just being the two of them, and Chairman.

Although Magnus wanted to surprise everyone, Alec made the executive decision to keep their rings on. People would probably be surprised enough, and Alec didn’t want them to hide their rings. Alec did find that he was subconsciously keeping his hand in his pocket, but he didn’t want to go to any extremes, and he reigned Magnus in from that idea.

Hosting for the dinners they held was a touch easier than hosting a gathering like this for he had to introduce his family and friends to this other side of his life, navigate conversations he was brought into out of nowhere when he had merely been passing by, and make sure food was handed out. He had no idea how Izzy did it so easily because Alec found it was a lot to keep track of. It was made more difficult when people asked if there was any reason for such an impromptu gathering, and Alec had to say that it was just because he and Magnus were getting into the festive spirit and not let the truth slip.

The children were either trying to find Chairman, or placed in front of the television or sat on hips. Children were such sizeable part of their lives that, during a somewhat impromptu gathering, they could not tell everyone not to bring their children. And Magnus loved an excuse to see the kids, so they were almost always welcome.

They chatted for about hour to make sure everyone was mixing and introducing each side of their lives to the other. Maryse, more a social butterfly than Alec had previously believed, was eager to chat to everyone and spent a long while talking to Gwyn and his wife, Diana, the former being one of Magnus’ colleagues. She made sure to inform everyone that she also had another son who was not able to come to New York on short notice for he had a very successful career as a comic illustrator in LA. Alec would watch from afar at times, enjoying the solidification of their intermingled lives, enjoying Matthew sitting with Emma who only knew a few sentences at her age as Matthew taught her all about the different bugs he found his garden.

Eventually, he and Magnus made eye contact across the room and decided that it was probably time to announce why everyone was here. If anyone had seen the rings, they had yet to comment on them. They might not notice one on Magnus, he was wearing a few, though less than normal, and Alec found his own hand occupied with a tray or hidden, subconsciously, in his pocket.

Unable to call out across the room himself, once he and Magnus had gathered at a sort of head of the crowd, he tapped his glass so everyone’s attention focused on them. Alec made eye contact with his sister, who thinned her eyes at him, perhaps making a sudden realisation, but he quickly looked away before he revealed anything.

“You might have thought this was just a little gathering we called for the Christmas season,” Magnus began because he was much better at this public speaking thing. “But we actually have an announcement.”

Alec was sure most people guessed, particularly when Magnus put his hand on the small of Alec’s back, and Alec even saw a few glances to Magnus’ ring finger, eyes going wide as they realised what sat there now. Alec merely smiled, feeling his cheeks grow a little warm at the attention.

“Alexander and I are engaged,” Magnus said, unable to stop smiling at the words, glancing at Alec who smiled brighter as well.

There were gasps and exclamations of ‘congratulations’, the rings were brought out for examination, and they were informed that they absolutely must tell the story. It hadn’t been any grand display, which Alec was sure might surprise people given Magnus loved a show, but Alec thought the way Magnus had proposed did suit them. Lots of people said it must have been very romantic, and Alec agreed that it was.

Everyone stayed for another couple of hours until the kids grew bored and tired, and they would be seeing most of them soon anyway given their Christmas plans. By the time their last guests left, which were Izzy and Simon, they collapsed onto their sofa, Chairman jumping up on Alec’s stomach. As he stroked Chairman, he watched his ring finger move through his grey fur.

What had been beautiful bliss was then wedding planning, and Alec decided he hated it and wanted to leave Magnus to as much of the decision-making as possible, but was often dragged into it by his fiancé. Magnus clearly had more of an eye for it, and he was better at making those decisions, and whilst it made sense that he constantly asked for Alec’s opinion, it didn’t make him enjoy it.

They talked dates, venues, budget, themes, wedding party, guest lists, and that was only the beginning. Alec knew there was a lot that went into weddings, but still, was it worth it? They weren’t planning a huge wedding, only about fifty guests and with about seven or eight months to plan. They didn’t want a long engagement, nowhere near the length of Max and Will’s. Alec had thought that would reduce the level of planning, but apparently he was wrong.

Whenever they had a spare moment together, Magnus brought out a small binder he had created, all handwritten in Magnus’ pretty cursive. It was a beautiful binder with lots of information, and it was very organised, and Magnus spent a lot of time coordinating photographer’s information, videographer’s information, band’s information, a couple of DJ’s, different venues, what their first dance might be. It was all a very organised, complete set of information.

However, every single time Magnus brought it out, Alec resisted the urge to groan. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to have a beautiful wedding, and it wasn’t that he dreaded planning, it was just so much. Alec knew every detail needed to be accounted for, and when he had suggested maybe hiring a planner to put it altogether, Magnus had protested because he wanted to do it without someone else involved. The only people involved were Magnus and Alec, and the wedding party, who were Jace, Izzy, and Max for Alec, Maryse of course as mother of one of the grooms, and then Catarina, Ragnor, and Tessa for Magnus. Neither of Magnus’ parents were a part of the wedding party, but he was still going to invite them, even if he severely doubted many of them would come. Murni, Setiawati and Asmond, they would come, Magnus was sure, but Alec didn’t believe anyone else would.

By the time they reached spring, they had decided on their early September date, because everything expensive in their lives came during the later months, they decided why not have a wedding and subsequent anniversaries in those later months of the year as well. They had decided on their venue, an intimate but lavish set of gardens outside a manor that was rustic and plentiful for their guest list. They had both considered a beach wedding because Magnus loved the ocean, perhaps in California, but with so many members of their lives in stages of pregnancy, they decided something closer to home would be easier.

A few months after their engagement, Izzy had popped over and announced she was expecting another baby. It meant that, as such an integral part of Alec’s wedding party, she absolutely had to be there, and flying to another destination just couldn’t fit their plan. It meant Magnus was an advocate for a very beachy honeymoon to make up for not being able to see the ocean on their wedding day.

Their theme, which had taken a little while to decide, was blue because their engagement rings were blue, and because Magnus’ favourite colour was blue, as were Alec’s eyes. They also didn’t want it to be too busy, so it was blue and white, elegant because Magnus liked to be classy. They were still working through photographers and whether they wanted a videographer, but, to keep costs down, they had hired Simon and his band to play at their reception. At first, Alec had wondered if that was insulting, but when they had suggested it, Simon had been overjoyed at the prospect, and so that was something easy to cross off their long list of decisions.

They had met with a florist to make blue and white bouquets, with daphnes, which were Alec’s favourite flower, and were getting round to booking hotels for their wedding night and for the guests. Sending out the invitations had been so painful because addressing every single one made his hand hurt. Magnus’ handwriting was much prettier, but Alec hadn’t thought it fair to ask him to address every single one. And, so, they had spent one evening together, addressing each invitation and Alec had had to spend much longer at it, not because he had more guests but because it took longer for him to make his handwriting legible.

Another element they had decided was that Alec’s bakery were going to make the cake. They had commissions often nowadays, but they had yet to have a wedding cake put on order. Alec knew it might not look like a perfect wedding cake, but it would be his, made from the fruits of his and his staff’s labour, so it would be more special that way, even if it was a little rustic.

The decisions just kept coming, and Alec kept thinking this last one would be the final one, but he supposed that could never be true. Alec did, once, suggest, just eloping with a couple of guests, but Magnus was a romantic. Originally, he had thought Magnus might want an enormous, extravagant wedding with everyone he knew, but he had been the one to suggest they have something more intimate with only those they were closest to. Alec had been surprised, but then he had realised that a smaller wedding was romantic and intimate and just what Magnus had probably always wanted. Eloping, however, was far too intimate, and Alec supposed that was never truly an option, even if he thought it would be a whole lot simpler.

Magnus brought out the binder again one evening, flipping through the pages and Alec watched him. He sighed quietly, but Magnus still heard him and looked up, throwing him a smile.

“Cheer up, darling,” Magnus said. “It’s really not the end of the world.”

“Personally, I don’t want to look at any more flower arrangements.”

“Well, we don’t need to,” Magnus said. “We’ve decided on those, haven’t we?” He grinned.

Alec sighed noisily. He still found himself being able to picture flower arrangements and he hadn’t truly realised just how many shades of blue there were or how many flowers existed in the world.

Submitting to his immediate future, Alec rested his elbows on the table before him and waited for whatever he had to decide next. Once Magnus landed on the page he was looking for, he looked up at Alec and smiled.

“We need to talk about the ceremony,” Magnus said.

“The ceremony? What is there to decide about that?”

“The song we walk down the aisle to, who is giving who away, what readings we’re having done because we aren’t having a religious ceremony, vows, etcetera, etcetera.”

Alec rubbed his face. He hadn’t realised just the sort of things his sister and best friend had had to decide when they were getting married. He probably should have spoken more to them when he made the decision to marry Magnus. They might have suggested just eloping as well.

Magnus laughed through his nose. “Which song would you like?”

“Are we having the same song?”

Magnus shrugged. “Probably. There’s not going to be that much space between us walking. I suppose, firstly, who is going to walk down the aisle first?”

“You?”

“Why?” Magnus asked, smiling.

“I don’t know. I don’t want to walk first.”

Magnus laughed again. “Okay. I will walk first. So, what song?”

Alec didn’t listen to a lot of music, so that decision really did have to come down to Magnus. It was only going to be in the background, so the song Magnus chose, one Alec hadn’t actually heard before, he was sure it would do the job well.

“Who is your usher?” Magnus asked, waiting to write it down with the fountain pen he held neatly in his perfectly manicured hands.

“Jace,” Alec said without thinking.

“Not your mother?”

Alec shook his head. “I love her, and I’m happy she’s finally a bigger part of my life, but Jace has always been important, for longer than my mother, and I’d like him to do it.”

Magnus nodded and wrote Jace’s name down, the J swirled and perfect.

“Who’s yours?”

Magnus tapped his pen against his lip. “My father definitely wouldn’t want to, so it’s between Cat, Ragnor, and Tessa.” He hummed as he thought, staring at the blank space on the page where he was meant to write the name. Alec got up and made them some coffee and, in the meantime, Magnus still hadn’t reached a decision.

He absently sipped at his coffee, still staring at the page.

“I don’t want upset whoever I don’t pick,” Magnus said.

“I don’t think anyone will be upset. They’re already a part of your wedding party. It’s just an extra part that doesn’t last all that long anyway.”

Magnus gave Alec a long look. “It’s an important role.”

“I get that. Don’t think of it as upsetting whoever you don’t choose, but making whoever you do choose extra happy.”

Magnus hummed again as he thought some more.

“Catarina,” Magnus decided eventually after Alec had gotten them some cake to break up the time between lunch and dinner. Alec wondered how long they would be at this today. Sometimes, it was ten minutes, others, it was hours.

“Okay,” Alec said, watching as Magnus hesitated to write her name down. “Write her name, Magnus.”

“Okay,” Magnus said, and he waited for a moment longer before he committed. “Next… readings.”

“Readings?”

“Well, we’re not having anything read that’s religious,” Magnus said. “So, what do we have our registrar read?”

This took quite a while as they looked online, thought about what suited them and what wasn’t so cheesy. Eventually, they decided on a few different readings about love, the commitment of marriage, people finding each other when the time was right, things that suited them and were telling in some ways.

Then it was onto vows.

“So, not just the traditional ones?” Alec asked. Finding and altering some of the readings and choosing some apt quotes had been difficult enough. Alec did not believe words were something he excelled at, and he would feel much more confident if he could just take the traditional vows and alter them slightly instead of crafting new ones.

Magnus’ shoulders sank, not a lot, but enough for Alec to realise he had been hoping to write their own. “You don’t want to… write something new?”

“Do you?”

“Kind of.”

“You’re better with words than I am,” Alec said. “I just… I don’t want sound dumb or cliché.”

“Okay…” Magnus said.

Alec didn’t like the deflated tone Magnus had taken, and decided that, they had enough time, he could conjure something, maybe with Jace’s help. “If I sound dumb, I blame you.”

Magnus smiled. “You won’t sound dumb. I know you don’t like public declarations of love but, unfortunately, that’s sort of what weddings are about.”

Alec shrugged and supposed that was true.

They parted after that to start thinking about vows, and Alec noted a few ideas down but he wanted to take a lot of time to mull it over and make it perfect for Magnus. It might take the last few months they had before the wedding, but he wanted it to be perfect.

In the following months, they wrote a gift list, worked out transport, bought wedding rings, and got fitted for their suits. Magnus had thought about making them himself, but decided it might be nice to surprise each other. They went to the same tailor so the tailor could match their suits in some ways, and Alec was glad that he could, partly, leave that decision to the tailor because his brain hurt from having to decide so much.

One of the biggest decisions they made was regarding the honeymoon. Alec had never been out of the State, never been on a plane. He had thought about not going too far, but realised that a lot of honeymoon destinations from where they lived were quite far. In the end, they decided on Hawaii because it would still be pleasant in September, and given they wanted to be near the ocean, Alec thought Hawaii would do the job.

There was then menu tasting, getting gifts for those in the wedding party, and the stag parties. For Alec the planning had gone to Jace, and for Magnus, it had gone to Catarina and Tessa. Alec feared, only slightly, what was coming his way because Jace could go wild.

A few days before the stag parties were due, they had to contact the very few people who had yet to RSVP to their wedding. The date was beginning to creep up on them, and they would eventually have to decide if they were putting gifts in the hotel rooms they had booked, do a seating plan and finalise numbers. The only people who hadn’t RSVP’d for Alec were his father and, therefore, his father’s new family. Part of Alec had almost been expecting his father to say no. Alec had always believed Robert had never truly accepted the fact that he was gay, and maybe he wouldn’t want to see his son married. But the actual thought that his father might not be there, it was more heart-wrenching than he had previously believed it might be.

The entirety of Magnus’ family, bar Murni and her new husband, to which that wedding Magnus had not been invited to or even known about, had yet to RSVP. Not even Asmond had said anything, and Magnus was clearly surprised Setiawati had also not replied.

The day they decided they had to call their families was a dark day, but at least they had their stag parties to look forward to if the conversations were that awful.

Magnus began by calling his mother in the bedroom as Alec got his father on the phone. It rang for a while, and Alec imagined, wherever his father was, he was watching Alec’s name appear on the screen and wondering if he should decline it.

Eventually, however, Robert picked up.

“Hello,” Robert’s gruff voice answered.

“Hey, dad,” Alec greeted. He cleared his throat. “How are you?”

“Fine. Busy, but fine. Jesse’s happy to be back at school.” There was a pause. “How are you?”

“I’m great. The bakery’s going really well, Magnus is having some looks showcased in Paris and Tokyo. Everything’s great.”

“That’s… great.”

Alec rubbed at his temple. “Yeah… Did, uh, did you get the invitation?”

There was another pause. Alec knew he had sent it to the right address, he just wondered if his father was about to lie and get out of coming. He wondered how Magnus was faring with his own conversation.

“Yes, Alexander, I did,” his father said eventually.

“Right.” Alec released a heavy breath, though he angled the phone away from his mouth to mitigate his father hearing it. “So, we’re just trying to finalise numbers.”

“Okay.”

Alec swore internally. “Are you not coming to my wedding, dad?”

There was another lengthy pause. Alec knew his father struggled to be paternal, particularly with him. He had never been a strong role model, never been involved, always been absent and never loving. But Alec still wanted him to be at his wedding. If Robert didn’t want to be there, Alec couldn’t and wouldn’t force him, but if his father wasn’t there, Alec would feel that part of his missing family enormously on his wedding day.

He heard his father sigh. “Of course I’m coming to your wedding, Alexander.”

Alec’s shoulders relaxed and he closed his eyes in relief. “I’m glad… you are. Annamarie and the kids as well?”

“Of course. We’ll be there.”

Following this, Alec wondering why it had taken a phone call to get his father’s affirmation of attendance, they did not remain on the phone for long. Robert was always short in his answers and Alec didn’t really have anything he wanted to ask in the first place. Neither of them wanted to catch up, even if they never got to speak, and Alec spent a few moments, after hanging up, willing the blood to return to his hands.

Given he was done now, he went to check on how Magnus was faring. When he reached the bedroom door, slightly ajar because Chairman had wanted to get in, Alec heard Magnus was still on the phone. Alec knew it might not be fair to listen in, but he found that he could not quite help it.

“Well, it’s just we wrote the invitations months ago, and I was wondering why you hadn’t said you were coming yet…” There was a pause where Alec could not hear the other side of the conversation, so he wasn’t sure who Magnus was on the phone to now. “You’re saying that as if you haven’t had months to mark the date off, father.” Alec swore internally again. He had thought it was optimistic to invite Magnus’ mother, stepfather, brother, and older sister, he hadn’t imagined Magnus’ father not coming. “You can’t cancel whatever that is?... You’re really not going to be at my wedding?... No… I understand… I’ll mark you off the guest list then… Sure, see you when you’re in New York.”

There was silence for a moment, and Alec decided Magnus needed some comforting.

He pushed open the door and first saw Chairman lying on their pillows, flicking his tail lazily. Magnus was sat at the foot of the bed, his phone discarded beside him, and his face was in his hands. He looked up when Alec walked into the room and offered a small smile.

“Is your dad coming?” Magnus asked.

“Yeah,” Alec answered, softly.

Magnus nodded and Alec came further into the room.

“I called my mum, and she said that no one was going to be coming, but that Murni and her husband had decided to flout some rules, so she will be the only one there,” Magnus said, his voice beginning to waver. “And then I just called my father…” His bottom lip wobbled and Alec stepped up to him, hugging him as Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec’s waist, pressing his face into Alec’s stomach and softly beginning to cry.

Alec held him for a while, stroking through his hair and rubbing his back. He said, “He’s not worthy of your love, Magnus.”

“I know,” Magnus said, quiet and muffled into Alec’s body. “I wish he was. I never thought he wouldn’t come to my wedding.”

Magnus sat back, and Alec cupped his jaw in his hand.

“I wish he was worthy of your love as well,” Alec said. “Sometimes, people just aren’t. You can’t make everyone a better person by loving them.”

Magnus gave a half-hearted smile. He wiped at his eyes, and Alec leaned down to kiss him lightly on the lips. If Alec could take away the pain he felt over his father, he would. Unfortunately, Alec knew parts of the pain he felt, and they were things that could never be removed. In fact, the only way to cure those pains was for your father to invest in your life, to say that he loved you, to become the paternal role model you had always coveted. Alec could do his best to ease Magnus of those woes, but he knew there might be wounds there forever.

Thankfully, Magnus was still looking forward to the wedding, and their bachelor parties that came a couple weeks before that date was another opportunity to take his mind off the fact his father and most of his family were assholes.

They were having separate bachelor parties, of course, and so, the day of, they parted with a kiss and Alec was left in the semi-capable hands of his best man. Alec wasn’t much of a drinker, and what usually happened at bachelor parties were not things Alec typically engaged in, but he didn’t know what the plans were as Jace, Izzy, and Max were completely in charge. The one he had done for Jace had been intimate, just reminiscing and drinking because that had been what Jace had wanted in the end. Alec had requested something similar, but he was sure Jace had something else planned because he had been quiet whenever Alec asked about it.

It had started very intimately, everyone drinking, except for those who were pregnant whom got very fancy, non-alcoholic cocktails. Clary was amongst those again, finally starting to show the sibling Emma would be gaining in a few months. Alec was not a fan of beer like Jace was, and so he opted for one of the non-alcoholic cocktails because they tasted much better in his opinion. Stories were exchanged, and the room was full of laughter, and Alec was content to share an intimate party.

He took a moment alone with his sister, whose belly was round. She was due a few days before the wedding, which was cutting it close, but she was determined to give birth and be “lovely and thin”, as she kept saying, when Alec walked down the aisle.

“Are you nervous?” she asked as they stood in the kitchen, Jace telling a story that kept making everyone around him laugh.

Alec shrugged. He wasn’t nervous to be married. He knew it was an enormous life step, but he had been in love with Magnus for so long that finally marrying him just felt right. Married life came with its challenges, Alec did not doubt it, but he could not wait to call Magnus his husband, and he didn’t have any nerves.

Izzy smiled and took another sip of her cocktail. “I’m sure you remember how nervous I was.”

Alec nodded. She had looked stunning in her dress, but she had certainly had bouts of cold feet leading up to the week of the wedding. She had had a bad case of reading stories about reasons for divorce and statistics of marriages breaking up, and no matter how much everyone told her not to, she could not help it.

“I am going to presume you don’t regret it though,” Alec said with a smile.

Izzy laughed through her nose. “Even when we argue, I don’t have any regrets.”

“What do you and Simon argue about?”

“Finances sometimes.” Izzy shrugged. “It’s hard when he goes through dry patches, and it’s not easy being the breadwinner. And when there’s big changes, it’s both easier because you have someone to help you through it, but then it’s also quite difficult with different opinions. Now we have kids, we have our own preconceptions of what we think was best because of our own childhood. So yeah, there are always difficulties, but given what you and Magnus have been through, I think you’ll be fine.” She smiled. “Are you worried about anything?”

“I think I’m just worried about something coming out of nowhere, I think. Things have been going so well, and I just don’t want something to appear in a years’ time that makes things impossible.”

Izzy nodded. “I think you guys can get through anything.” She reached out and squeezed his arm. “And it’s important to know that nothing you go through is unique. I always find that easier, knowing that nothing we argue about or go through is the first time anyone’s gone through it.”

Alec was about to respond when there was a knock on the door. Alec had thought Emma was missing from Jace and Clary’s house and at Jocelyn and Luke’s because they didn’t want to disturb a young lady and let her sleep as they spoke late into the night. The real reason, it seemed, was because, once the door was answered, a cheaply outfitted “police officer” entered, looking for the engaged man.

Alec severely considered taking off his engagement ring.

What followed was only durable because he had taken a couple of shots over the course of the night. If he had been completely sober, he would have outright refused and his cheeks would have been fiercely on fire. He wanted to drink some more whilst it was occurring because the stripping and oiled muscles were not things he particularly cared for.

Thankfully, the stripper did not pay complete attention to Alec. He did the rounds on nearly everybody, which made everything entirely more manageable. Alec was not a fan of being the centre of attention, and having someone, standing only in their tight underwear as they gyrated in front of you, tended to make you the centre of attention.

Alec drank more than he had in years and more than someone who was well into their thirties probably could get away with, and he collapsed into the spare room as he tried to forget about the stripping. He missed Magnus, and he dreamt of being chased by oiled abs and cheesy music that someone might dance to as they thrust all about you, far too involved in your space.


	13. Unconditional

> “The only way love can last a lifetime is if it's unconditional. The truth is this: love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love.”  
> ― Stephen Kendrick, _The Love Dare_

Izzy’s duty before the ceremony was making sure people signed the guestbook before they sat. Max was at the front of the building with Tessa, making sure guests knew where they were meant to be going. Jace was, therefore, standing with Alec in his room, Maryse and Clary waiting with him before the ceremony began.

Jace had come by the night before because he wanted them to uphold as many traditions as possible. Alec had agreed and packed his bags, given Magnus a quick kiss because Jace would allow no more, and then bid goodbye. It was a strange feeling in his chest to realise that, the next time they saw each other, they would be getting married, but he was excited about that prospect too.

He had been full of nervous jitters as he slept, and although he had hated planning every moment, he was running through his mind everything that had to happen and any issues that might arise. Although he didn’t get as many hours as he might wish, he wasn’t groggy when he awoke because it was his wedding day. It was a day he had never thought he would get to, particularly not with Magnus Bane, the truest love of his life, his soulmate who had taken a little longer to figure out that they were soulmates.

Alec was dressed in his suit; a navy-blue with matching tie that had white polka dots and matched the square in his pocket, his waistcoat was a gentle shade of grey that matched the shade of his trousers, and his white shirt had been ironed that morning, and he had a daphne in his buttonhole. His cufflinks were made of silver, and he couldn’t stop fiddling with them. His hair was more styled than it had ever been in his life, and he sat, watching through a window that showed the gardens where their reception was being held, currently being decked out with chairs, tables being decorated by the staff. Even though his hair was styled by Jace, an expert on self-care, his mother was still fussing, standing behind his chair.

Jace’s suit matched Alec’s a little, the grey matching Alec’s waistcoat and his tie navy blue, though without polka dots. They wanted to give the impression that he was the wedding party, not the groom. Max’s suit was the same, and Izzy’s dress was navy blue, flowing because it had meant to fit her without her bump that, much to her dismay, she still carried. Magnus had been part of the design process because Alec had no clue about any of that. Magnus and Izzy had spent hours together, planning for the dresses that she, Tessa, and Catarina would wear, all different styles but matching the colour of the wedding party they were a part of.

“You look so handsome,” Maryse said, brushing a stray hair into place, though Alec rather wanted to swat her away. His father still had yet to arrive, and Alec doubted he would come see him before the ceremony began anyway. “I do wish your suit was black, but it still looks nice.”

“Our theme is blue,” Alec pointed out. “I like it. Black is too traditional for us.”

Maryse hummed, smoothing down another part of Alec’s hair. Alec wondered if he would look like an idiot in the wedding photos because his mother had fussed too much. He did not remember Maryse doing the same for Izzy, but he supposed she had had a professional hair stylist. Alec had had Jace, though he thought he did a fine job all the same.

“If only Max would get married now,” Maryse continued. “It seems silly he’s been engaged so long.”

Alec shrugged. “I think they’re happy.”

“Oh, of course. But still… Even a quiet wedding like this would be lovely. I’d like to see each of my children married.”

“This quiet wedding still took eight months to plan and funds that… were a lot.”

“I know, I know,” Maryse said, fondly. “I just… I like weddings.”

Alec nodded, and passed the rest of the time in quiet conversation with Jace and Maryse. Clary, with her little bump in a beautiful pink dress, disappeared with Emma so they could gather the flowers to throw. Maryse was wearing this enormous periwinkle fascinator, to match the theme. Some part of Alec wondered if he should have asked her to give him away instead because their relationship was so much better, but it seemed only right to have Jace do it. He had given Jace away to Clary, it was nice to have the favour returned.

Just before the ceremony began, Maryse took Alec’s hands in her own and looked him over, one last look, Alec supposed. She then reached up and cupped his cheek, and Alec smiled at his mother, trying her best to be a part of Alec’s life now.

“I’m so proud of you,” she said. “And so happy for you too.”

“Thank you,” Alec replied, softly. “I’m happy you’re here.”

She squeezed his hand. “Me, too.”

They took a final moment together, and then Maryse left so Jace could take Alec’s arm and guide him to the aisle. The music was already playing because Magnus would be walking with Catarina, following Matthew who would be throwing daphne and hydrangea petals with reckless abandon.

Clary was waiting, watching into the room with Emma at her hand, ready to be Alec’s flower girls. She turned when she heard them approach, and smiled brightly. Emma had her hand in the basket, diligently ready for her role.

Alec’s part in the music came, so Clary guided Emma down the aisle, telling her to throw petals like she had never thrown petals before, and both Jace and Alec watched with bright smiles. Alec felt himself shaking just a little, and Jace squeezed his arm reassuringly. Alec swallowed and inhaled deeply, finally looking up the aisle to see Magnus just about to reach the altar.

His suit was lighter than Alec’s, but still blue and still within enough shades to be matching. When he turned, he was wearing a navy-blue bowtie that had polka dots, and he also had a daphne in his buttonhole. He had his hair styled perfectly, and his makeup was stunning, and Alec’s heart pounded in his chest as he started walking down the aisle.

He still hated being watched, and he felt a lot of the eyes on him, though some were still on Clary and Emma, and Alec was sure a few had to be on Matthew, who had now emptied the rest of his basket by upturning it at the end of the aisle before skipping off to sit with his parents. Alec did not look at the small crowd, however, not even looking out for his father, but watched only Magnus. They were about to be married, and Alec could look at no one else but him.

The walk felt long because Alec just wanted to be his husband. He wasn’t wishing for it to be over, he just wanted to finally be married to the man he had been crushing on for a ridiculously long period of time, almost two fucking decades. Magnus stood at the end of the aisle, and in a short while, they were going to be husbands. Alec was desperate for that future, and thought it would be worth being centre of attention for a short while.

When Jace passed him off, squeezing his hand as he went by, they stood, facing each other. Alec took in the beauty of his future-husband; in the perfect wing of his eyeliner, in the delicate shade of red on his lips, in the glitter of his eyeshadow, in the shape of his jaw and the height of his cheekbones, the perfect shade of his olive skin, and he sighed, so contented and loved and warmed. He loved him, every inch of his being, of his soul, just of him. His soul would be matched, no longer halved, and Alec could not wait for their lives to begin as husbands.

“You look so handsome,” Magnus whispered as the music quietened.

“You look better,” Alec replied.

Magnus shook his head with a smile, and the ceremony began.

Following the general introduction that spoke about love, the sanctity of marriage, and the special union of those who undertook the ceremony, there were readings performed by some members of the wedding party. Mainly, they had been chosen in advanced, approved by the grooms. This, of course, didn’t stop Jace adding a few words here and there that hadn’t been approved, but he kept the tone light as he spoke of his own marriage and his wishes for Magnus and Alec’s. Tessa read a poem that had a few members of the congregation wiping away tears, Izzy told a story about Alec’s teenage years, and Cat also told a story about Magnus’ dating history that was kept light and humorous. Alec and Magnus held hands as they listened, laughing along when the stories called for it.

When it was time for their vows, Magnus went first. They stood in front of everyone as they bore their souls, and kept one hand connected, mainly for Alec’s sake because he did not care for public speaking. Magnus sucked in a slow and deep breath before he spoke, each word uttered as though it meant more than the last. His free hand held his cue cards that Catarina had pulled from a pocket her dress cleverly concealed, but Magnus read more from memory than from the cards.

“Alexander Gideon Lightwood, ever since we met, you have been the most exciting part of my day, and I cannot believe it took me so long to realise why you were so exciting to me. I cannot help but regret realising too late. Thinking of the years we could have spent together doesn’t make me sad, it just makes me realise how much I am going to take advantage of having you by my side in the future.

“It took until I was an adult to finally have examples of true and perfect love in my life, in my friends, and so I have been jaded in love for a long time. My perception of love has been ruined and wretched, and so very wrong. And to have you now is like a gift, so wonderful, it always makes me wonder if I’m dreaming.

“I remember, when I was a teenager, thinking about how perfect my life would be, and whilst I knew I always wanted to be married, I never factored in that it might be a little more difficult to navigate the warzone that was dating and relationships. For the longest time, I had believed that relationships were so much work and not much reward, even though those around me were examples of the opposite. I suppose I always thought that I was an outlier, but I realise now that I had just been searching in completely the wrong places.

“I have discovered now that, yes, sometimes it takes work, but the rewards are so much lovelier, and the work is not arduous. I do not doubt that I can be hard work, my darling, but I hope that you never begrudge me, and I want you to know that there are never enough ways to express how much I appreciate you.

“I will spend the rest of my days proving to you that I am worthy of your love. I promise to be devout and loyal, I promise to show you only love, and to be a giving husband. I promise that, whenever I throw my temper tantrums about work, I will eventually calm down and listen to you. I promise to care for you, to love you when you are sick, to love you when you are healthy. I want to grow old with you, I want to share my unconditional love with you, and I want to be, unconditionally, yours, forever.”

Alec blinked away the tears as he heard a few members of the congregation quietly crying. Alec felt nervous about his own vows in response to Magnus’, but he would speak them anyway because he had no choice, and he had worked hard on them.

Jace handed him his own cards, and Alec attempted to shield the shaking because of all the attention on him and because Magnus spoke way better than he did. He almost wished he had gone first.

“I think it’s safe to say that I’ve been in love with you for about two thirds of my life,” Alec began, wondering what everyone might think when they heard that if they hadn’t known that beforehand, but vows were meant to be personal, and the truth was personal. “And I think there comes a point in your life where, if you’ve loved someone for long enough, that love becomes a part of who you are, and I think my love for you is a part of my being now.

“And, you know, sometimes that love has been hard, and sometimes it’s been painful, but that love has often caused me so much unadulterated joy that I can’t quite believe I’ve had the greatest pleasure of having you as a part of my life.

“These past two and a half years alone have gone so quickly, but it has also made me so very happy. I used to make myself believe that I would feel fulfilled enough to be single, and whilst I am very lucky to have the people in my life that I do have, it has only been improved by having you with me.

“I’m not good with speaking or really saying how I feel, and so it makes it even more difficult to tell you how much that I do love you because I don’t think there are enough words in my vocabulary to express that. But I will say that my days are brighter and happier with you in them, and that any pain I have felt is eased with you, and that I will do my best to ease your pains as well.

“You are the love of my life, completely and truly, and maybe it took some time to get us to this point, but now that we’re here, I’m never going to leave you because I can’t imagine a life without you in it.”

Alec took a steadying breath and swallowed, looking at Magnus and sending him a smile. His throat had dried, but he had spoken his truth, personal and honest, and he was ready for the world to know those truths.

The rings, brought over by Charles on a blue, velvet cushion, were a beautiful, solid gold, engraved with Aku Cinta Kamu, and slipping it onto Magnus’ finger and having Magnus slip it onto his own was a concrete, stunning symbol of how wonderful Alec’s life had become.

They were told to kiss, and then there were cheers and clapping and flowers thrown in the air, and Matthew ran to the aisle and began gathering up petals to throw again. Alec’s face hurt so much from the smile that would not leave him.

The reception began in earnest as the guestbook was laid out for anyone who might not have had the chance to write in it beforehand, and people found their seats in the meticulously planned arrangement. Magnus and Alec were secluded away for a moment of quiet before they would enter, announced as husbands. Their hands had not parted, and Alec’s heart was so light, it felt like it no longer belonged in his chest.

He was still smiling, sure his lips were tinted red with some of Magnus’ lipstick, but he didn’t care. He was married now. To Magnus. He was now Alexander Gideon Lightwood-Bane. He was never going to be sad again.

They stood at a window, looking out onto a section of the gardens that were beautiful and in full bloom. Magnus wrapped his hands around Alec’s waist and pulled his body close, and Alec ran his hands up Magnus’ chest, and they kissed over and over, a gentle and consistent meeting of lips. Their smiles constantly broke them apart, but it was hard to be bothered by anything. The months and months of planning had led to a pretty perfect ceremony, and Alec’s heart kept pounding so hard, he was sure Magnus could feel it. He even imagined feeling Magnus’ against his own chest.

“You’re my husband,” Magnus mumbled against Alec’s wettened lips.

“I think I am, yeah,” Alec responded, his smile so bright.

It was unfathomable, and yet it was real. Alec could not stop touching or kissing Magnus because they were husbands. After the way they had parted, Alec had been prepared to forget about Magnus forever, or at least forget about the idea of being with him.

And now they were husbands, and they got to kiss and hold each other, and they would retire to bed together, they might become fathers. They had a future that was long and filled with joy, and Alec didn’t think he was ever going to stop smiling. His heart was light, his mind was happy, and soul was now whole.

Eventually, there was a knock at their door, and they parted as one of the staff members told them the reception was ready for them to enter.

“Are you ready to be announced to the world as Alexander Lightwood-Bane?” Magnus asked.

Still smiling, Alec nodded. “I think so.”

They kissed one last time and then walked out of the room into their decorated reception area. It was beautiful; the tables had white tablecloths, each with bouquets of daphne and blue hydrangeas sat in the centre. Amongst the gardens themselves, there were banners of blue and white, and the band area was ready for when Simon and his band were meant to play. There was a sweet area for all the children, and Alec was sure that there were pretty decorations running through all the gardens that people could traverse.

In the centre, where people would dance, fairy lights were set up for when the sun got too low, all decorated with their blue and white banners, and their choice of flowers. The months of planning had led to this, and yes, Alec had dreaded most of it, but the fruits of their effort had been so worth it.

When they entered, they were announced, and there was cheers and clapping, and they made their way to the head table where their wedding party sat. They took their seats, and opened the first champagne bottle, a tradition that Alec’s mother had had at her wedding and wanted to continue as it had happened at Izzy’s wedding as well. Everyone finally started drinking champagne, and then the speeches could begin.

Jace was up first, and Alec had partly dreaded Jace being his best man because he knew that Jace might add anything to his speech. Alec steadied himself and locked hands with Magnus as Jace started tapping his freshly filled champagne glass.

“For those of you unaware as to how this relationship began, I am going to take you back to the start,” Jace began. He perused the crowd before them with such a casual ease for doing speeches were where Jace felt most comfortable. “Alec started his bakery at eighteen. Was it a smart idea? No. Did it make any sense? Well, no to that as well. Would it change his life? Well,” Jace said with a chuckle and a small pause, “no to that one too. What did change his life, however, was meeting, not me as you might be thinking, but this man.”

Alec supposed he had known some of the more rocky details might be shared, and he supposed he had referenced them a little in his vows, and he wondered what everyone might think, particularly his mother when she realised that all that pushing she had done for Alec to date had coincided with him being in love with one man. He just held Magnus’ hand, and listened.

Jace retold the story, somewhat briefly, and adding many moments for pause where he made the room laugh. He made the light-hearted moments sound happy and he made the harder moments sound less hard than they were. He made Alec laugh through his nose, and his cheeks grew pink when some of the more embarrassing moments revealed just how hard he had been crushing on Magnus, even Magnus being surprised at some of the truths.

Following Jace, Catarina told some tales of Magnus’ troubles in love and how special Alec must be to want to be with him with his history. They made it all sound so light and content, but there were dark truths in those tales. The room, however, was laughing and joyful, and Alec supposed maybe that was a good thing. Pasts could be dark and troublesome, but perspective could make everything seem easy, and now they had each other, and their pasts could be there, but their future could be brighter than what had happened.

Once the speeches were done and the meals were brought out and finished, everyone began mingling, and Alec finally looked about to see if his father had actually arrived, and when his eyes landed on him, his heart sank. Jesse was there, in a little bowtie, Grace was wearing a pretty, floral dress, and young Alistair was sat on Robert’s lap. Annamarie was telling Grace something, and she was holding her stomach, that was swollen with new life.

He swore internally.

Magnus had been about to stand, but noticed Alec staring across the way. Through his periphery, he saw Magnus’ shoulders sink.

“Thirty-six years age difference is a lot between siblings,” Magnus commented as the rest of the head table began to mingle. Simon and his band began to play, so thankfully no one else heard Magnus say anything.

“It’ll be thirty-seven years between us when the kid’s born,” Alec said. “They shouldn’t be having kids. He’s too old. It’s not safe.”

Magnus, standing, reached a hand to Alec’s shoulder and squeezed. Alec reached up and put his hand atop his husband’s.

“I’m sure he realises that,” Magnus said, but it was half-hearted. “At least he’s here.”

Alec nodded, acknowledging that that was pretty special. He did want a relationship with his father, but he made it so difficult given he lived so far away, and given how dedicated he was to his new family. Everyone deserved a fresh start whenever they wished, but when you had attachments to your previous life, did they not deserve at least something? Shouldn’t Robert be trying even a little to have a relationship with his children from his previous marriage? Alec was willing to put in a little effort, but if Robert gave nothing in return, it wasn’t exactly encouraging.

“Do you want to talk to him now?” Magnus asked. “Or would you like to meet my sister?”

Alec perked up at that idea, and searched the room for Murni and her husband. He had seen in her a couple of pictures, which made it slightly easier to pick her out of the small crowd. She was wearing a flowing, red dress, her deep, brown hair curled for the occasion. She and her husband had only landed last night, so this was the first time Alec was going to meet her.

As Alec stood, Magnus then took him over to where his sister was sitting, and he noticed that there really were so few similarities between them. Perhaps that had made it so much more obvious to his stepfather that Magnus was not his child. Magnus resembled Asmond, nearly completely, and the only similarity that Alec could find between Magnus and Murni was in their brow line, there really wasn’t anything else. Magnus’ hair was black, and Murni’s was deep brown, and Murni wasn’t tall or lean like Magnus either, she was shorter and plump. Alec wondered if Magnus envied any of Murni, wished he looked more like her so that he had grown up in Indonesia instead of with his father, but it never felt right to ask such a question.

Murni was delightful. They kissed each other’s cheeks, and then asked about each other’s lives. Alec could totally understand why she and Magnus got along. Now she was married, she felt a little more freedom from her parents, and that was why she was able to come to the wedding. Setiawati felt too connected to her parents, and when told no by her father, felt she could not disobey him. She was constantly apologetic about not having invited Magnus to her own wedding, but Alec knew he understood. He knew it was still painful for him, but she brought out some photographs and showed them their special day, and Alec hoped it was a small piece of rectification. Murni quietly said that she had written an invitation to her wedding, but that her father, Magnus’ stepfather, had ripped it to shreds and not allowed it to be sent. Alec watched as Magnus nodded and accepted that, but he wondered how awful that must feel.

They were in the midst of showing some of their honeymoon photos when Alec saw his father taking a moment away from Annamarie and Alistair, Grace and Jesse hanging around the sweet cart with the other kids and Izzy, her swollen belly enormous, managing them all. Alec bid them a quick goodbye and decided to follow his father out to one of the quiet paths that admired the gardens.

The sun was setting at this point, so the fairy lights and little lamps illuminated the gardens. The terracotta path led them amongst trees and flowers, and Alec saw Henry and Charlotte taking a moment to admire some of the arrangements, holding hands and talking quietly. He also spotted Jem and Tessa, hugging beneath a tree as they took a moment away from Kit and young Mina. The gardens were full of quiet and intimate spots where couples could take time away from the small hustle and bustle of the wedding where the sun cast orange glows through parted branches and illuminated petals to lighten the shadows.

Alec caught up with his father and they walked together quietly.

“It’s a nice venue,” Robert said eventually.

Alec nodded. “Yeah, we’re lucky to have gotten it. Some people wait a couple years for this place, but there was a cancellation, so…”

“Very lucky, then.”

There was quiet for another moment as they followed a path around some intricate arrangement of beautiful, seasonal flowers.

“I suppose I should congratulate you and Annamarie,” Alec said, nearly through gritted teeth. “I see you’re expecting again.”

“Yes.” There was a tense pause. “It’s not that we’re trying,” he clarified. “We only tried for Jesse. I need you and your brother and sister to understand that.”

Alec nodded, but he still didn’t understand it.

“We’re very careful,” Robert continued. “We attend every scan and make sure the child is healthy. It’s not callous, like I’m sure you think it is.”

“Why would I think it’s callous?”

“Because I am quite aware that you, and Isabelle and Max, believe I am having children to distance myself from you, but that is not the case. It never has been. I don’t wish to be distant from you, it’s just…”

“What is it that makes you distant then?”

They paused in front of a gap in the trees that looked out onto a rolling green field before them. The sun sank deeper below the horizon, turning the arrangement of oranges and pinks to a deep purple, cast across the sky as the small bursts of lights from the stars began to appear. It was growing a little chilly, so Alec buttoned up his jacket and waited for his father to answer.

“It was frightening when Maryse became pregnant with you. I know you never knew your grandfather, but my father was a very stern man, and I feared becoming him.” Robert paused. “I suppose I was my father in some ways, and I wish it may have been different. I remember holding you in my arms, and wishing that I would be better than my father… and I think I failed in a lot of ways, but…” He turned to look at Alec. “You have turned out well, either because of me or in spite of me.”

Alec nodded but did not respond.

“You’ll know what it feels like when you have children,” Robert said. “You want them to be better than you, but you don’t ever know how to do that. And you try, because I did try, and maybe, when I look at the three of you, I see that perhaps I did not try hard enough.”

“So you’re gonna stay away because of that?”

“Adult life is not easy-.”

“I am aware of that, dad. I have been an adult for quite some time.”

“Then you know that it’s difficult to maintain relationships. Particularly when those adults were once your children, who became something you didn’t imagine.” He sighed. “That’s not to say that I am not… proud of your achievements, but you’re not…”

“What you wanted.”

Robert shook his head. “I didn’t mean it like that. You’re just… You’re your own man, and that’s a very daunting thing when you were once this little boy that I could hold in my arms.”

Alec nodded.

“I don’t think there’s anything I can say to rectify your feelings of me,” Robert said. “I won’t insult you by trying. But I am your father, and I do… you know.”

Alec scoffed just a little, but he knew his father could never tell him he loved him.

“I suppose,” Alec said, knowing it was the best he would ever get. They did not hug or exchange loving words, they merely acknowledged the other, Alec acknowledging that his father didn’t mean to be distant and cruel, and Robert acknowledging that he had hurt his son but could not change the years that had passed. They parted, Robert continuing his walk and Alec returning to his wedding.

Back amongst the people, he soon got tired of mingling. Although settled into himself, he was still not a social butterfly. He took a quiet moment, near the band, and perused for a while. Magnus walked through, easily chatting to just about everyone. It was a skill he had that Alec had never acquired, and he never would. He was content to watch.

Eventually, however, his sister found him, and he was brought back into the centre. Her belly was enormous. She had been hoping to give birth before the wedding, but apparently the baby was content to remain. She was rather unhappy about it because she thought she looked incredibly large, but she was glowing and hadn’t put on much weight at all. She was constantly exercising and avoiding cravings. She hated the idea of showing so heavily in all the wedding photos, and Alec told her she was silly, but he couldn’t change her mind.

There was lots of talking and catching up, introducing each other to people in their lives that they hadn’t had a chance to meet beforehand. They heard Ragnor explain some of the worst boyfriends and girlfriends Magnus had had, and Catarina, with her red hair in the most luxurious of updos and her dress showing her intricate, blue tattoos, spoke about how shocked she was when she had heard that Magnus was finally engaged. Alec did adore Magnus’ fabulous friends because they were enigmatic and so wonderful as the family Magnus had chosen for himself in place of those who had, somewhat, abandoned him.

Their first dance had been wrecking Alec’s nerves because he was not a stellar dancer. Magnus assured him it was mainly just swaying, holding each other, and rocking in time with the music, but he was keenly aware that he was following Magnus’ lead and not the other way around.

It wasn’t aided by being watched by literally everyone, but that was the way things went when it was your wedding. Magnus drew eyes to him, to his aura, and Alec was sure everyone would watch even if they were not the centre of this event.

To steady himself, Alec watched only Magnus, searching his eyes and affirming that Magnus would be enough. Neither would have to do any more searching, they had found what they were looking for. Alec hadn’t truly ever believed he would get to a moment like this, but he was here, Magnus in his arms, and they danced to a song Alec vaguely knew.

Nearly the second the song was over, Maryse jumped in and said she deserved a dance with her son-in-law. Alec smiled and allowed it, watching as other dancers began to fill the floor. Alec was not left alone, however, because his sister came to his aid, gathering his hands because she had to lead this dance the same way Magnus had had to.

“I think there’s something between us,” Alec said as he smiled.

Izzy tutted. “I really wanted to not be pregnant for your wedding,” she repeated for the thousandth time that day.

“It’s all right. You look beautiful.”

“I wanted to be lovely and thin.”

“You are lovely and thin. You have a literal life inside you.”

Izzy shrugged. She glanced over at their mother and smiled. “She’s obsessed with him.”

Alec looked over as well, watched as his husband and mother conversed. Magnus had merged so well with his family, and Alec was severely aware of how important that had been in strengthening their relationship.

As they continued to dance, they were interrupted by little Julian waddling over and wanting to join in. Alec picked him up and placed him on his hip, and they danced together. Alec was glad to have Julian because it meant he had an excuse for not being so great at dancing.

When they had discussed getting married, there had been some conversation about having children there. Magnus was a very sophisticated man, and Alec had been concerned that children might make Magnus fear a lack of sophistication. The photographs, the activities they would have to have to occupy them with, the possible unrest during their ceremony, there were a lot of aspects that meant Alec would understand if Magnus didn’t want children there.

But Magnus had been a total advocate for it. There might be complications, but Magnus didn’t think there was such a thing as a perfect wedding, and he wanted it to be sophisticated, but he wasn’t going to aim for perfection. And there were so many children in Alec and Magnus’ family. Part of Alec wondered if Magnus was an advocate for children to be at their wedding because he was hoping his family would come, but only his youngest sister had actually turned up.

Everyone was desperate for Magnus and Alec to start on the baby train. Alec had always wanted to be a father, and he could sense Magnus’ love for children, even looking at him now as he picked up Emma and swung her about, it screamed he adored kids. Maybe they would be dads soon. They were closer to forty than thirty, but that was no reason they couldn’t adopt a child or two. It would be another step, another strength in their relationship and Alec loved the idea that it could be stronger than it already was.

Alec took Julian over to Max and Will, and Julian latched onto Will, whom he adored as most people found themselves adoring Will after meeting him. There had been constant jokes about the fact that Magnus and Alec had started dating and gotten engaged and then married in the length of time that Will and Max had been engaged. They were probably going to be engaged forever. They were perfectly suited, however, and maybe that was just the level of relationship they wanted. There were perks to marriage, but they were still engaged. Eternally.

“Mum’s trying to make us have babies as well,” Max said. “So this is a bad look for us.” Max looked at Will tickling Julian, and although Max didn’t want children, the look on his face was so soft and warm, it made Alec smile. “I’m hoping now you’re married, she’ll go in harder on you.”

“She already has one and a half grandchildren,” Alec said. “She doesn’t need any more.”

Max laughed. “She’s obsessed with babies.”

They looked over and saw that Maryse and Magnus were now surrounded by children, Emma sat on Magnus’ hip, and other children, ones Alec wasn’t even sure to whom they belonged, congregating around them. She was beaming. As was Magnus. His husband. Maybe one day father to his children. Alec’s heart swelled.

The evening grew older and older, kids falling asleep in strollers and on shoulders, and Magnus and Alec took a quiet moment together, breathing in the chilly air. There were night birds singing to the darkened sky and a gentle breeze that rustled the leaves to the melody of birdsong. The music was hushed behind them, and they were quiet together in a way that Alec adored. Not all couples could simply enjoy each other’s reassuring, companionable silence, but that was where they were comfortable. Simply existing with Magnus was perfect.

They looked out onto the rolling lands that sat outside their venue, Magnus behind Alec and holding him into his chest. They breathed together, they existed. They said ‘I love you’ almost every day, affirming their tumultuous and fumbling past, but sometimes their silence said enough.

Magnus was his past; for countless years, he had been the consuming thought in Alec’s mind. But he was also his present because they were married, and Alec couldn’t ever imagine letting him go. And so, he was also his future. Alec felt that idea concretise as the fireworks began to illuminate the sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading! I really loved writing more of this world, and I'd love to be able to say, confidently, that I might add yet another part where we explore married life, possible children, and what this next leg of their journey holds, but I have so many other WIPs that just take priority. I don't think this story is quite finished, and maybe, one day, there might be another part added to this series, but I can't promise anything for now.
> 
> But I so enjoyed adding this section and exploring their relationship, and I hope you enjoyed reading it x


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